The Danger of Saying No to a Man’s Advances

The phrase “men cannot handle rejection” hit me differently on that Friday evening in 2019. I was at the cornershop on my street, owned by my middle-aged neighbours. I had earphones plugged in, as always ( mostly to cut off catcalling men) casually mouthing the lines of one of my favourite songs. 

As I was patiently waiting for my goods to be packaged, I noticed in passing that a car had parked adjacent to the shop. A man stepped down, in khaki shorts and a faded tee-shirt. He said “Hi” to me and I reluctantly replied with a greeting. As suspected, he took my response as an indication of interest and tried to “catch” my attention by making weird, sexually suggestive comments about my body. At this point, I just wanted to go home. 

As I walked out of the shop, I heard the same man who called me a beautiful woman less than thirty seconds ago call me a prostitute. This was followed by a long list of unprintable names, simply because I ignored/ rejected his advances. 

When I was 16, in my first year at the university I had a policeman point a fully-loaded pistol at me, at my favourite suya spot, simply because he wanted to “talk” to me and he needed to be sure I wasn’t going to “play with him.” Well, in reality, he wanted to be sure I wouldn’t reject him. At least not at that moment. I wondered what would have happened if I didn’t give him my number. Would he have made an example out of me? Would I have become a deterrent to his future love interests? Perhaps he would have told them, with his plus-sized ego, about how he “humbled” a proud girl. 

What price would I have paid for saying no to a man? 

Saying no to a man’s advances can be very dangerous. Refusing or declining advances or attention from a man has led to physical, verbal violence, or even murder for several women. The idea that women exist solely for the pleasure of heterosexual men, and so they should be grateful for the slightest attention from them, sickens me. In Africa where violence against women is underreported, this is even worse. I don’t think we have fully grasped how dangerous it is for a woman to simply reject a man, and that’s how I know we are nowhere near equals.

Read Also: I’m Tired of the “Bad Female Drivers” Myth

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