Different things can make people leave the homes they grew up in. For some, it can be a new job, school or relocating to a new country.
For women however, the move away from home is not always smooth.
From the belief that women stay in their parents home until marriage to situations that make renting as a single woman difficult, successfully moving away from home as a woman is indeed a cause for celebration.
In our latest listicle, Urban Woman Magazine asked some women to share how they left home and the lessons they learned since leaving.
Read their responses below.
JM
I disappeared. 😭
Packed up bags and left my mother’s house without any announcement.
Relocated from Lagos to Ibadan from my father’s house to my mom’s house, and I have NEVER gone back, even to visit, 2026 makes it 10 years.
Lessons:
– Don’t live with a man, I had a male flatmate, and I saw shege.
– It is important for a woman to live alone to enjoy life away from family, and be responsible for her life.
– The ability to “leave” is a privilege.
EBE
My sister was moving out to be closer to her PPA. I just said I was leaving with her and so I did. 🙂
It’s been almost 7 years now.
She’s kuku japaed so now I live alone and I highly recommend it. You’ll learn to be a proper adult and how to make decisions and prioritise yourself, especially as a woman. I have no regrets. I shouldn’t have even waited until age 25 to do it.
NW
Okay so I left home twice. I left home for the first time in 2019. I left Nigeria which I really wanted to stay in because my dad was making the few weeks before I got my ticket incredibly difficult for me. He was threatening me and although he has said now that he had his reasons, I thought that was the stupidest thing ever.
I didn’t have a nice time and I knew that I did not want to experience that again so that was why I went.
The second time, I left angry and silently. So I had a big row with my mum. Unprovoked, she started cursing me out. I was already used to her bad behaviour and when she started doing the things she did, I just knew that I had had enough of this bullshit and I started planning how to leave.
After I paid my rent, one morning I greeted her and I told her that I was leaving. She only came to my house for the first time on the first Saturday in April.
Yeah. It’s been a lot. It’s been a long time. I left home in November of 2024 and it’s been a ton of things. I’ve lived happier. I love my space so much. The troubles of the world all die when I lie down on my bed. It’s so cool to live by myself and independently of my family. It’s joyful.
EL
How did I leave home? There wasn’t any special plan. I was 13 when I left, about nine years ago. For me, it was a do-or-die decision because it was essential for my sanity. I was a troubled child (neurodivergent), and my father was a deeply rigid and abusive figure who subjected me to physical, verbal, and financial harm before I turned 13. So when I completed secondary school at that age, I was determined to get into university, regardless of the course, because it felt like my only way out of that situation.
Living at home was extremely difficult, more than I can fully describe here, but it was severe enough that my mother once sent me to a boarding house to keep me away from my father.
Living independently became a period of self-rediscovery for me. It was where I began to build my identity, understand myself, and start the ongoing journey of healing. I genuinely valued the experience because it was my first real taste of freedom. Within that freedom, I learned to discipline myself and develop my own principles.
I learned practical things too, like how to plan my finances, budget, buy in bulk, and manage my desires, sometimes choosing between immediate gratification and financial responsibility. It was during this time that I discovered my peak productivity hours are at night, simply because I had the flexibility to own my time and structure my life in a way that worked for me.
Independence also gave me the space to confront and rethink my relationship with religion. I was able to step away from performative practices and build a more personal, functional, and healthy relationship with God.
I also learned more subtle things about myself, like realizing that I don’t enjoy cooking as much as I once thought, and understanding that much of my irritability came from being overwhelmed by noise or even being spoken to. Having my own quiet space brought me a sense of calm and stability I had never experienced before.
I could go on, but overall, I strongly believe that every woman should experience living independently at some point in her life. This is not only for those from difficult or toxic homes. Even in loving environments, there comes a time when you need to step away and build a sense of self outside of what you have always been told or shaped to be.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.