“Love Is…” Ten Women Share Their Ideal Love and Love Stories

Love is one thing that goes by several definitions depending on time and place. True love from friends and partners and true support has the ability to help women be at their best in any area of life.

Urban Woman recently asked ten women to share their views on love and what they admire about their partners.

Here are their responses…

Nana

So, I recently travelled…First time travelling outside Nigeria without our child.

It was a big deal because I have been going everywhere with him because I was breastfeeding and I had no excuse to go with him this time.

My husband held down the forte. Called me every morning even though our time difference was not friendly and he was also on call on most days.

Sent me a driver for when I landed in Lagos to sha take me around Lagos. Sent me flowers, sent me talking points for my session, edited my poem for the after dark poetry kini.

Picked me up from the airport in Kano, met hot food,  got a bath and a massage and he has decided that the rest of the week is ‘Babe’s resting week’.

Also, he takes leave to spend our anniversary month with me. What I am trying to say is, he knows me, knows what I need, what I like and steps up to ensure I get what I need to do the work that I do.

And nothing, nothing beats that for me.

Another example is how I am not a morning person, and for the 5 years we have been married, dude makes breakfast for me.

I wake up and he is gone but there’s always tea and breakfast.

So, my ideal love is where we are both trying: trying to grow, to learn, to show up and show out for each other.

Busola

I want a love that is warm, thoughtful, considerate and tender. A love that thinks of me and worships the ground I work on. A love that makes me feel content, fulfilled and adored. 

Two distinct humans coming together to live life.

A love that allows me freedom, joy, courage.

Chidera Ochuagu

I’m currently not in a romantic relationship but dating my ex changed my life. He taught me how to be calm with my emotions and myself, he taught me to communicate my feelings instead of shutting down and running away at every discomfort or argument. Being with him changed so much about me. I became a better person, I became more patient, more loving, more expressive, more vulnerable and more assertive.

I started questioning things more than I used to, and I started learning to hold space for people. I used to be very much insecure and I have abandonment issues so I always think people are going to leave me. I still think so, but now it’s not as bad because with him I learned to be confident in my ability to love and in other people’s love for me. I learnt to take deep breaths and regulate my emotions and hold on, because maybe they are just busy with something and they didn’t abandon me.

My ideal definition of love would be friendship. I think friendships are wholesome and beautiful. However, a romantic partner who also doubles as a great friend, shares my values, communicates, is vulnerable and free is definitely my ideal type. My ideal kind of love is also with a woman.

Josephine

Even though my last relationship ended badly, I’d like to say learning to love my ex in such an uninhibited way made me open to show love to other people in my life. I thought I was incapable of love but when it ended and I was angry something about me changed. When the dust settled and I saw him I realised even if it ended horribly I loved you. It made me more confident in myself. It made me feel less weak when I cried because I felt it was not a sign of weakness. My love for my friends became more evident and I started to express it more. 

There’s this weightlessness you feel when you love someone. 

That’s how I always felt. 

I used to giggle when I saw him. He used to make me feel happy just seeing him. 

I guess it was a necessary experience because I thought I wasn’t capable of it.

Glory

My ideal relationship is one of support and allows each other freedom to be. Was in a previous relationship that I just knew wasn’t for me two months in and I quickly ended things.

With my current boyfriend, it feels really different. He’s really supportive. My career means a lot and he’s like a number one supporter. He just does things that make me pause sometimes. Like when I was writing an article and my laptop just went off. He came all the way to where I was and started looking to fix it and he did. Or when he came around 9pm when I was writing to bring me food because I said I was hungry.

Yeah, I love that he can cook. I do. When he finds a new way to cook something, he calls or sends me a message like: “Hey I made one stew with just fresh tomatoes. It’s the best thing I’ve ever cooked. If you taste it ehn”.

I worry so much and overthink but my goodness he is the exact opposite! He tells me “Oya calm down. Stop thinking” and I am slowly just trying not to overthink so much. 

I am not a very forgiving person. Especially when those I love and hold dear just fumble but he has taught me to try to see perspectives. 

When I was in a really bad financial spot last year, he came through for me and with finances he’s always so open. I really like that. 

And ohh laughter. There’s always something to laugh about when we are together.  

I do hope it stays this way…

Aliyah

Being with my boyfriend has been a life changing event and his presence in my life has always always constituted ease. I know he loves me because he does anything in his power to make my day better and subsequently, my life. He pushes me to do better because he knows that I’m an overachiever. When I’m doubting myself, he reminds me of all the great things I’ve done. 

He doesn’t read a lot but he reads anything I write. He always says I’m a phenomenal writer. His line of work is close to mine and anything there’s an opportunity for me to make money or improve myself, he’s there pushing me to do it. 

When I wanted to transition into UX writing and didn’t know how to do it, he paid for the first course I took. I got my first job through him. 

If I’m craving and, even the most bizarre thing, he sends me money to get it. The birthday gifts he got me this year are the most thoughtful things I’ve ever been gifted. He strives to make my life easier in any way he can.

He moved to Abuja at a point so that coming to Jos to see me will be a shorter journey. And one of my best friends in life, his sister, came into my life through him. 

He makes me want to be the best version of myself. He doesn’t push me. He just holds my hand and lets me know that I’m not alone. And for someone who’s had to depend on myself for a long long time, as someone who’s still adjusting to trusting people, he makes it very very easy.

Tamuno

Being with my boyfriend has really improved my quality of life and my perception of a lot of things.

He’s always pushing me to upskill and be delusional while applying to jobs. I remember when I got into the Alx program I had a broken screen, he helped me fix it. He would check in with deadlines and all. 

He makes me more self aware, because I’m generally an aloof person. Before him I would bottle in issues but he would always want to talk it through. 

I’ve learnt to prioritise comfort over saving money.

I admire how multi-talented he is. I am jealous of how well he plays the guitar. I love how well he gets along with my family and how sweet he is with children.  

I love how goofy we can be together.

Atty

Alright so, I’m gonna start from the present.

My birthday is on the 7th and since yesterday my boyfriend has been sending me emails, basically like a countdown to my birthday. When we first started talking, I mentioned how much I like notes/letters, so on important days, he writes me letters and on our anniversary/Monthniversaries, he gives me hand written notes that I can keep, it might seem like little things but that I’m heard and seen feels I’m floating on the cloud. He makes me feel loved and not the type of love that requires you to fold yourself into origami pieces, the kind that pushes you to be your best self. 

I started my helpline and he’s already offered to create a logo for us, animations and all, things he’d charge a lot for, he’s offering and I don’t have to ask. He’s fought people that try to mention my status as a feminist or try to tie my identity or dislike for men to our relationship, he just gets it, that the fact that I love him does not dilute the misery men push on women. He’s kind and not just to me, that’s why I noticed him at first, he’s extremely kind, we’ve never been in an argument and he’d be anything less than kind to me, even in anger, he’s kind and thoughtful. 

Everytime I’m scared of starting a new course, even my helpline, a new job or whatever, he’s always the first person to map out a plan for me, and constantly follow up. He sends me job opportunities too.

Also mentioned once that I liked capri sonne and maltesers and unfailingly everytime we see each other, he gets me a bag filled with both, the one time he didn’t get them for me, the next time we saw, I got three of my usual one.

He genuinely just feels like home, my ideal kind of love has always been one that doesn’t make me feel like I have to be anything more than Atilola, a better and happier version of myself.

Fehintola*

It’s quite new but it’s very God sent. 

So far in 3 weeks I’ve learnt to be more organised, and confident of my craft. He hypes me and he is so proud of me,  he is eager to hear my voice and let’s me be myself. 

He is supportive of my growth, career and business wise, he is not shy to tell me he loves me, and everytime we see I’m getting a gift no matter how small. 

Best of all, he loves me more, he is head over heels. I’ve never experienced something like this before. It’s exciting.

Hephzibah

Where do I want to start from? So last session, I had this book I was supposed to buy. I had a deadline to submit and I was supposed to submit it the next day. I casually told my partner that I had to buy this book and fill it up and submit the next day and I had not done any of that.

He came into school, picked the book up, stayed up all night filling the book and got it to me the next morning so that I could submit. That’s like one of the ways he shows kindness to me.

We can have issues and regardless of how serious the issue is, even if we are fighting, he ensures to get me my period care package. He also helps out with my son and helps me to read. He puts my needs before his own. Not only my needs, my wants come first. He will always put me first. He’s also teaching me patience because I’m not a patient person and I’m not forgiving but he is forgiving.

My partner helps me to pull through without rushing me but simply letting me be and going at my pace. The “shame” attached to being a feminist or misandrist does not apply in our relationship because his love is loud and proud and fills everywhere.

*Name changed to protect identity