On a normal day, I do not like to obsess over celebrities and people in the spotlight. I think it can stop you from seeing them as human beings who can also make mistakes.
That said, there are a few celebrities who I admire for their multifaceted nature and for how they encourage me to know that as a woman, I can live multiple lives.
One of them is Solange Knowles. Solange is a singer, actor, model and so many other things. She has worked in the fashion industry and has also composed music for leading operas. She is a vocal feminist who speaks on issues that concern Black women in particular.
Personally, her songs have a very soothing quality to them and have the ability to pull me out of any depressive state I may be entering into.
When I look at the life of Ms. Solange Knowles, I am reminded that women as a group must never tether ourselves to only one option or afraid to leave negative setups.
Asides her professional milestones, I also admire how she has left two marriages even amidst backlash from people who may want to judge her.
That courage is what I wish so many women and in particular Nigerian women would adopt.
Too often as women, we are told that the only option to happiness is acting in a way that appeals to men. We are told that a woman in her 40s who wants to switch from a fashion career and get a nursing degree should not do so if her husband is uncomfortable.
We are told to stay in loveless marriages and relationships because being married even if to Satan’s second in command is worse than not wearing a ring. We are told that with age our value as women goes down while the value of men increases.
All of the above happens primarily because the world has a deep unsettling fear of the reality that once women are comfortable without the validation of men, so many men would indeed be single.
Furthermore, there is a fear of women nurturing our talents and bringing them to life because a woman in the path of self development is hardly a woman who can be controlled. She is a woman who knows that her destiny lies in her hands and as such there is the fear that should her life not be in service of a man’s dream, she would be less submissive.
And why does any of this exist in the first place? Why are women mocked for wanting more in life? Why do we raise young women who are afraid to be called confused should they say they have dreams of being actors and university lecturers? Should they say they want to be chefs and engineers?
Speaking with Brenda*, she explained that she has faced criticism from wanting to leave a job.
In her words: “Yes, I have been judged for leaving a job that seemed good to others but was not right for me.
I once worked for a company owned by two sisters. At first, I was happy because I thought I was working with great women. Even though my pay was low, I stayed because I believed I was growing in the company. I worked very hard—sometimes too hard—hoping my efforts would pay off.
But things changed. My successful projects were taken away from me. I was removed from important meetings and presentations that I should have led. I was pushed aside by the same women I thought were doing something great in tech. It was frustrating and hurtful.
When I spoke to them about how I felt, they said they had the right to do that because they “heard” I wasn’t cheerful. This made no sense because we worked from home, and no one even saw or spoke to me outside of work. No one asked me if anything was wrong.
When I decided to leave, they told me not to. They said, as women, they were emotional and would eventually recognize my efforts. But I had had enough. I left without another job waiting, but I left for my peace of mind. Later, I found out I was being paid less than I should have been, despite doing most of the work. I was also micro-managed and constantly reminded that I was “like family,” so I shouldn’t complain.
It was a painful experience, but I am glad I left. No job is worth your peace of mind. If you are being treated badly at work, don’t be afraid to walk away. Something better will come.”
More women need to abandon the fear of looking confused or being judged.
So long as your heart is in alignment with leaving a toxic job or starting over in a career path, then what other people say should not matter.
*Name changed to protect identity.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.