If there is one thing that I like to talk about a lot then it is the power of the internet in getting opportunities and the importance of women learning to actively put our skills and career journeys out there. Actually, make it two things.
Personally, as toxic as social media can be for women, I know that I would not be where I am career wise if I did not have the ability to boldly state that I was on the lookout for opportunities. Even more, I would not be where I am as a writer, editor and cook if I did not document my career in the public eye.
A lot of the opportunities I have received have come from people seeing evidence of my ability to deliver and that gives them the confidence to message me and recommend me for gigs.
However, it has not always been like this for me. Although I grew up in a home that emphasized confidence and a rejection of timidity, I still felt weird when I saw people actively say they were on the lookout for jobs on apps like Twitter. I would wonder how they overcame the shame and if they were not worried that people would use it against them.
One thing that saw a mindset shift was when I abandoned fear and put out a call in 2019 that I was looking for an internship. I was already popular as a feminist on Twitter and that post saw me get a good internship opportunity close to where I stay.
Till date, my team lead at that workplace has been helpful to me and sends me opportunities even though I’m no longer there.
Now, I have noticed that a lot of women still struggle with putting themselves and their businesses out there. Women struggle not only with actually posting their businesses, but in the way and manner they go about the posting. Women tend to be apologetic when documenting their career journeys and tend to lack a certain degree of confidence in themselves.
To put it simply, women seem to have a fear of advertising their businesses in the online world. Even for those who post their businesses, there is the aura of thinking they are not good enough that sees them post in a way that makes it seem as though they really would not want to do so.
And why is that? Why is it that women struggle with being ruthless in things like having rate cards, salary negotiations and being unapologetic in demanding pay from past clients?
Why is it that most women seem to have shame when it comes to putting themselves out there? Is it because there is the belief that a woman should not actively seek to make money because that is a man’s terrain?
Is it because of the feminine energy discourse that places women who actively hustle as those who are not “dainty” and desirable enough for men? What drives women’s fear of putting themselves out there and documenting their businesses online?
To further understand this topic, I asked women to share their thoughts. Read their responses below.
Yommy Ayilara
I think a lot of women hesitate to put themselves out there because we’ve been conditioned to shrink. Society teaches us to be modest, reserved, and unassuming—so when it’s time to show up boldly, it feels unnatural, even scary. There’s also the fear of judgment. “What if people don’t take me seriously?” “What if they think I’m doing too much?” “What if no one engages?” These thoughts can be paralyzing.
But the truth is, visibility brings opportunities. I’ve seen it firsthand. When I started documenting my work in digital storytelling and women’s empowerment, doors opened. From brand partnerships to speaking engagements, and even being recognized as one of Nigeria’s leading women—it all happened because I showed up consistently and shared my work. At some point, I lost my consistency, and I saw how quickly things slowed down. That’s why I’m back, more intentional than ever, because I know the power of simply being seen.
To women who are still struggling to advertise themselves: you are your first cheerleader. No one will market your work like you. If you don’t talk about what you do, how will people know you exist? It’s not bragging; it’s letting the right people find you. The internet is a tool, not a test. Use it. Share your skills. Document your growth. And don’t apologize for it. The right people will see it, and the right opportunities will follow.
Angel
In my opinion, there are many things that drive the fear of women advertising their businesses massively. Some of them being:
– Imposter syndrome
– The idea that women are supposed to dumb themselves down and “not do too much”.
– The fear of being told/asked: “Why are you hustling like a man?” (I’ve heard many women say this), which stems from the idea that only men are supposed to hustle/work, and as woman, things should be given to you as the soft and feminine creature you are. (I have a massive bone to pick with these “divine femininity” people because of this. But, I digress).
– Shyness, and I believe this stems from my second point.
There are other fears, but these ones are the top of my list pertaining to women.
The amount of opportunities I’ve gotten because I talk about what I do and document my work?
Lmfaooooo. ENDLESSSSSSSSS!!!
I don’t even run ads for my business but I average AT LEAST 200-300k monthly (on some good months, it’s X2 of that). And for me, while this is nowhere near my destination, it is something major because I don’t spend on marketing, plus I know how much I was making when I was so deep in the trenches of motherhood, that I couldn’t talk about what I do like that. (The year I was pregnant and gave birth, that 200k was what I made for the whole year🤣 And it’s not like I was even comfortable. Sapa was killing me so bad, but I was too distracted by my pregnancy and the following stages to even make as much effort as I’d like about my work).
As much as I talk about what I do (which is not even enough in my head), I still get friends coming to me to ask if I still design/manage social media accounts/ edit videos, etc. Whenever I get questions like that, I get the confirmation that I really need to double down on my marketing. Because what do you mean you still don’t know/aren’t sure of what I do?
I also think women need to reject the whole idea of “faux humility”. Which also stems from my second point earlier. When you stop trying to fake humility, you accept the fact that you are THE SHIT, your work is amazing, and more people need to see it. This makes you want to show and talk about what you do more often.
I recommend Austin Kleon’s book “Show your work” for this, especially if you’re in the creative industry of any sort.
Advice I’d give women still struggling with advertising their business (in any form) is to ask themselves these questions (or anything similar) that I ask myself when I feel “shy”:
– Is this how you want to build generational wealth? By being quiet and expecting people to magically know about you?
– Is it this shyness that will take you out of the trenches?
– Is this how you want to be an example to your daughter and other women? By being mute about your work and not showing your skills?
– I also tell myself that I’m too broke to not be visible and put myself out there.😂
They may be somewhat harsh methods, but they work for the stubborn girl that I am😂.
Amarachi
I’m not sure it’s a woman’s thing?
For me, it’s mostly because I don’t believe I’ve done great work so I’m hesitant to share. I don’t see it as groundbreaking.
I want that when I share, it’s immense and it’d give me more fulfillment so I’d rather stay in the dark.
A male friend did tell me that when applying for jobs, he doesn’t check if he can do everything but for me, I actually think I have to be able to do everything in the job description so that’s the aspect I believe it’s a woman’s thing.
~
More women need to understand that everything we desire is on the other side of fear.
By talking about what we do and abandoning the desire to be silent or modest, we are indirectly telling ourselves well done for the work we have put in.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.