In most world cultures and in most African societies, the concept of family is seen as that which one must guard jealously.
It is seen as the one unit where the members cannot be replaced and as such cannot be questioned should they commit heart wrenching crimes upon other family members.
While it is indeed true that one does not choose the family one is born into, the idea that “family is everything” has seen abuse against women swept under the carpet and ignored.
Many women have had to deal with abuse, body shaming, financial abuse, domestic violence, bullying and lack of protection from the very people touted to be their first sources of protection.
But how do women overcome this sort of betrayal and move on? How do women pick themselves away from the trauma of family members who hurt them and refuse to see them as human?
Urban Woman Magazine recently spoke to some women to get their tips on how they overcame bullying from family members.
Below are their responses.
Tomilola*
I would say it is a difficult journey because one is standing up against tradition and culture. And it can be more difficult if one is financially dependent on these family members who are bullies.
TIll today, I am called a bastard for standing up against some family things like sending me on errands unnecessarily because my mum has become a puppet for them. No offense.
When my mom’s fam are present, my mum becomes a different person. I am not even joking. I love my mum but she is so partial that when the emotional abuse comes she turns a blind eye. I just decided I wasn’t taking this bullshit when I became my own person.
I avoided them by all means and cut them off at the expense of sanity. I was having a conversation with a 19 y/o babe and she told me she couldn’t cut her brother off because he was sponsoring her lifestyle.
When these bullies know they have something against us, I would say take everything you need from them to survive. When the time is right, you show them shege.
Crystal
My number one tip is always disappoint them from a young age; let them know your head is not correct. If not it’ll be very hard to escape the chains when you’re older.
Vivian
Bully them back.
NH
I hinted to my mother for the whole of last year that having more kids was not my priority. She kept joking about it. Told her plainly and she carried on as though I didn’t tell her I was not interested in her grandchildren wanting propaganda.
Tell me why this woman woke up on new year’s day to pray that I give birth before the end of 2025. I flipped! I was mad.
Now I am not talking to her and she is reporting me everywhere. I pray for her, I send her money when I can but I told them to tell her I am not speaking to her till she apologises.
She apologised yesterday. Told her if she talks to me about kids again, won’t speak to her throughout 2025.
Anyway, just an example. Stand your ground on what you want. Having money and living away from them helps.
AY
Having a bully as a family member was why I changed my surname and took a bold step. I’d been setting boundaries and my mum wasn’t respecting it. Referring to a man I disowned as my dad continuously. I changed all my government names. Applied for a new passport then posted the evidence. It was a harsh and extreme way but the “crash out” has ensured my boundaries are respected now.
*Name changed to protect identity.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.