When I think of women who are the definition of recreating their stories away from traumatic events, women like Comfort Omovre appear in my mind.
Sometimes known as Phoenix Blvck, she is a writer, counselor, feminist and community manager.
Her ability to rise above the bullying that came when she called out an abuser is a reminder never ever to define myself by traumatic events.
Although I have never met her in person, it was her posts on social media that held my hand when I was trying to heal from also calling out an abuser. Far more than that, she is a call to action to always know that my life had a purpose before assault and I must honor myself by bringing all my ideas to life.
She is an author of a novel. She is a life coach. She is a social media influencer. She is a counselling graduate amongst several other things.
Too often, women are raised to be stuck to seemingly societally approved boxes. Some of those boxes include being wives and mothers. At the most, society allows space for women to be the older woman who is innovative in dispensing ways to cope with domestic work and the demands of a career.
There is hardly space to encourage women to be daring and to know that life is truly to be lived in an adventurous manner. What this does is create women who are too afraid to take the leap careerwise and even in terms of relationships.
We have women who stay back with negative men and even female friends because not only are they afraid of being alone, they do not know where to begin to nurture new friendships and relationships. So they stay back with what feels familiar even if it is not comfortable for them.
The question then becomes: “To what end?”. What is the end result of women being afraid to reinvent our stories of becoming? Who does women being scared of traveling alone benefit? What system is kept running because a woman will rather stay with a “romantic” boyfriend in Nigeria than accept an offer to move to South Africa for school?
Even more, what has the world lost because women are raised to stifle how much we develop the best versions of ourselves?
If women were raised and supported on our journeys towards personal growth, how would world economies fare? If women were encouraged to explore without being bullied into settling with negative men, how many toxic men will rightly be denied partners? How many women will not ignore red flags and silence their intelligence because it is the best way to look marriageable in the eyes of men?
Speaking with Mimi, a content manager and writer, her advice for women is to broaden the scope of what we know.
In her words: “I only have advice. I have come to understand that the things we look up to right from when we were young really shape the kind of life we want as women. If your family is marriage/male centered, there is a high chance that you will be too because it is what you know. That’s why topics like this are so important to have out there.
Women should know that you can always look at other women’s lives, learn from them and see how they are flourishing without the male attention. You can flourish too, you can get there too, know that it’s okay to struggle, it’s okay to be slow in getting to where you want to be.
Ask women for help, reach out to women who are doing things you like, follow people who are not male centered, learn from them, ask questions. Stop giving yourself a timeline to get a man, stop thinking you have an expiry date, center everything you consume around yourself and on things to aid becoming the woman you should be. Don’t waste your years doing things you will look back to and not be proud of. Center your whole life around you.”
When asked to give her opinion, Kistune had this to say: “Society limits a woman to being a wife and a mother. It is important for women to have dreams and change their dreams. Self development is for everyone and women should strive to develop themselves and not just be in the home to be someone’s wife and to bear someone’s name.”
Aside from the fact that it is unethical to discourage women from pursuing their dreams to the fullest extent, the world loses a lot when women are raised to limit our ambition.
More women should understand that it is more than okay to pick ourselves up at any age and go in the direction of what will give our souls joy.
Only then can we feel honored and truly content.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.