Children can be a handful, especially in their early years because these are one of the most important phases of their lives. They learn how to speak to others, communicate and form relationships with others. This is also why they must understand that their feelings and emotions are valid, and this is where you come in as a parent.
Gaslighting is the act of manipulating a person, to the extent that they start to question their own reality. Although, this sounds extreme and perhaps may seem reaching, especially as a parent who wants the best for their kids, but sometimes the kind of language used may be gaslighting for kids.
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Example of Statements That May Be Gaslighting to Children
- “You’re okay”.
This is the most common of them all. Kids often tend to cry a lot, especially when they experience discomfort or pain. Invalidating that pain, no matter how “little” it seems to you can be damaging. Normalise acknowledging your child’s pain, and encouraging and comforting them instead of just dismissing it.
- “Did I really say that?”.
One thing you don’t want to do as a parent is go back on your word, especially to your children. If you do so, you may lose their trust, and even make them feel disappointed. It is important to ensure that you do not make any promises you cannot keep because kids hardly forget. In situations where you cannot control, rather than play dumb or act as though nothing happened, apologise and communicate about the situation.
- “It’s not a big deal”
No matter what you do as a parent, avoid saying this to your kid, especially if you’re speaking about their emotions. Instead of gaslighting them, help them articulate their feelings and try to see things from their perspective.
Ways to Stop Gaslighting Kids
- Listen
Kids just want to be heard and the best way to stop reinforcing gaslighting behaviour is to listen to them. Listening to them will give you a better insight into how they are currently feeling or how a situation makes them feel.
- Validate your kids feelings
Encourage your kids to express themselves, even when it is uncomfortable. Validate their feelings and let them know that their feelings are always valid.
- Take responsibility for your actions
Be responsible for your actions. Parenting can be quite hard and overwhelming. However, you cannot afford to take that out on your kids. Be responsible for how you feel and be cautious in how you deal with your feelings.
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