There are some memories from childhood that formed the building blocks of some ideologies I hold now as a woman.
In one of them, I must have been nine years old and my mum and I were preparing for church.
We were taken aback when an aunt of mine who was heavily pregnant with her second child, showed up to our doorstep with a swollen face and bruises. My uncle had beaten her and she ran away from him.
Although my mum nursed her to life, she went back to him and had three more children. He still beats her. He still beats the mother of his five children.
Whenever I think of the reality of Nigerian women in marriages and motherhood, I don’t have to look too far to see that for women, those two institutions and situations are often fraught with difficulties. I think of my aunt who still reports on being beaten. I think of Igbo women being beaten by the sons they birthed because those sons want full control of their “father’s wealth”; wealth that was built by both their father and mother.
I think of women dying during childbirth due to complications from multiple pregnancies courtesy of a search for a male child.
I think of how everyone moves on when a woman dies and yet when a woman’s husband dies, she is subject to all sorts of humiliating rituals in order to “honour” her late husband’s memory. I think of how quickly men marry other women after their wives die as though she was just a figment of his imagination.
Last year, in a groundbreaking article published by The Cut, I learned about the 4B movement. The movement is one started by South Korean women and involves them saying no to the following: no to sex with men, no to childbirth, no to heterosexual marriage, no to romantic relationships with men.
Since the movement started, there has been a sharp decline in South Korea’s birth rate and the numbers keep declining.
In a country that exposes women to violence and yet expects them to birth children that would support its mostly aged population, the 4B movement is evidence that with our bodies, we can practise self preservation and advocate for ourselves as women.
Ever since reading that article and observing online discourse about the 4B movement, I have wondered what a movement saying no to the patriarchy can look like in African countries.
How do we encourage Nigerian and African women to not be obsessed with marriage to the point where some women knowingly marry men who have raped someone before?
How do we enable women to know that one can have a full and satisfying life without children so that women do not partner with just anyone because they are desperate to be mothers?
Furthermore, what would our societies as Africans look like if women simply refuse to partner with men who engage in “lesser evils” like enjoying the work of misogynistic musicians and joining to body shame pregnant women for not “snapping back?”. Would we have a healthier and more equitable society if women are raised to live a life that is not an eternal audition to be a man’s wife? What insights, talents and gains would be realised by Nigerian and African communities if women were raised to explore all the parts of them which are put on hold because they want to appear marriageable?
What would a 4B movement look like in Nigerian and African societies?
To further understand this topic, I spoke to a few women. Below are their responses.
Blessing
4B might not be easily obtainable but I think practising even one of the Bs is still something. Especially not dating/marrying/having children with men.
But this will only work out if Nigerian women show strong solidarity with other women irrespective of class or other boundaries. Will that happen? Unlikely.
Still, even if small groups of women start doing so while raising awareness, it will help.
Jessica
Omg, I have been sitting on this idea. I love how the universe works.
To be very honest, I have been living the 4B lifestyle that I cackle whenever people mention it because this is my life 🤣. Not intentionally sha.
The 4B movement is a powerful route to reclaim a woman’s power. A reminder to men that we can choose to abandon their rubbish.
But I don’t see it as something Nigeria women will adapt anytime soon. To even know a feminist in real life is by connection.
Hannah
It will never happen in Nigeria, not even Gen Alpha. I started telling people that ask me if I’m married or getting married soon that I’m never getting married; if people can boldly talk about their marriage I should also be able to talk about not wanting it. Anytime I say it they look at me crazy, but do I care? Absolutely Not.
The average Nigerian woman likes men too much to practice even 1/100B. My hope is that if they can’t do 4B they should at least stop birthing male foetuses.
Presently sef e be like say my 4b don dey enter 5b because I don’t like talking to men now, it bores me.
~
While the practicality and possibility of 4B in Nigeria and other African countries remains a debate, one thing is certain.
It is certain that women who practise any of the B’s are a strong reminder that living outside laid down dictates for women is very possible.
For that, we must give these women all of their flowers.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.