Day in and day out, it is almost as though women cannot catch a break from the never ending beauty standards.
From books, movies and music videos, women’s bodies experience dissecting to the extent that a flaw to be fixed is invented every year.
What this leads to is women being insecure about our bodies.
Even worse, people police women’s bodies and body shame even women who seem to have the ideal body because again: Flaws are invented seasonally.
Urban Woman Magazine recently spoke with some women to find out how they have overcome body shaming.
Below are their responses.
KE
I just looked at my self (naked) in the mirror a couple of times. And I decided that the negative stuff that people were saying about my body were actually objectively false. It also helped to know that I’m worth of love as I am.
Like, even if I want to lose weight, I’m worthy of my own love as I am. Not just when I eventually lose the weight. I am worthy of loving myself and accepting myself NOW!
In addition, I read a book called “Buy the Damn Flowers” by Tam Kaur. It helped a lot.
Rukayat
I am physically small, and have been bodyshamed and made to feel inadequate for as long as I can remember. There’s really no name I haven’t been called and as a child, growing up it dealt mercilessly with my self esteem. I got signals from everywhere that I was inadequate so I started to feel inadequate.
Even when teachers teased or praised me using terms like “small but mighty”, I didn’t believe the mighty part. I knew that I was brilliant though and everybody acknowledged that so I stuck with just that and lived believing that because I wasn’t as tall as my peers, there was something wrong with me and I wasn’t enough.
Anyway, I wouldn’t say that I’ve overcome bodyshaming but I’ve learnt to handle it better now even though it still hurts when people pass mean comments on my body or height but I’ve learnt to detach people’s thoughts or jokes or teasing from my self worth.
Imagine a lecturer laughing and saying in front of a whole class, in front of the whole lecture room that she thought I was in primary two or is it JSS2.
It’s a lot. I can’t enumerate and I don’t even want to get emotional but how I’ve learnt to manage it? When I was about to leave for University, my father called me and said words that gave me life. He said I shouldn’t ever be afraid to stand in front of anybody to speak, doesn’t matter how towering they may be. Small as it may seem, I was empowered by what he said to me and I started carrying myself like someone that was deserving of respect, like someone that was worthy enough, I started allowing my voice to be, I started projecting (speaking audibly). I didn’t believe fully yet that I was “all that” but I was faking it till I one day at a time started to believe in my own magic too. It helped that in the university, as much as there were people that whispered and chuckled at my height, there were multitude of others too who were awed by my “confidence” which was just my shield at the time.
I learnt gradually to believe in myself, I came home to myself, believed my worthiness, believed in my magic. One step at a time, one day at a time, I’m learning to give this body all of the love that it was deprived of growing up.
To young women dealing with low self esteem due to body shaming, I understand you. I’ve been there and I’m still on the journey of learning to love myself and my body so I totally, honestly get you.
However, your body has carried you through all of your days on this earth and will continue to carry you for much longer, it only makes sense that you give your body some grace, accept your body, see your body, learn to like your body part by part, bit by bit, let it evolve into love. You’re deserving of love and so is your body. It only makes sense that you carry your body with as much love as it has carried you with.
It’s a continuous journey but I promise, releasing your body from the shackles of what people negatively think of it is freeing
Set yourself free! ✨
Mercy
It’s okay to feel frustrated but never about your body. Your body has been with you through thick and thin and it loves you just the way you’re supposed to love it. And when you love something you want to see it flourish. So if you’re unhappy that you’ve added weight, love yourself enough to want to exercise to lose it.
If you’re unhappy that you can’t add weight, don’t be disheartened. Love yourself enough to want to eat as often as you can to add the weight. Plus, those who value you will love you regardless of whatever size you are. You will still find love. Don’t follow people that don’t appreciate who you are both in and out.
Ifunanya
A radical form of selflove. This is my face/body and I have to deal with it. It took a lot of internal work to start taking pictures because I was always worried I didn’t look a certain way.
Body shaming isn’t always external, so I try to be my biggest fan because what better choice is there?
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.