Weddings are often good opportunities for people to socialise and bask in the beauty of love and community.
However, weddings can also be the first port of call when stories about how insidious sexism is towards women need to be referenced.
No other group of women can accurately give credence to the above than women for whom their careers revolve around the wedding and bridal industry.
For our latest listicle, Urban Woman Magazine asked some wedding event planners, makeup artists and content creators to share some stories of sexism they have encountered or witnessed.
Read their responses below.
Anietem
I’ve come to learn that the sexism comes in different portions and ways. And it’s even worse if you’re someone who’s more aware of what sexism is, than the average Nigerian.
As someone who doesn’t warm up easily to people (read, men) especially in public settings, I’ve been told I look unwelcoming at first, and this makes them think twice before directing rubbish at me. Which is a lie, because whether you’re always frowning or not, one thing men have in abundance is audacity, so it doesn’t really stop them.
Before becoming an event content creator, I’d already worked in the event scene as an usher and event coordination assistant when I was younger. So, I had already experienced a bit of the sexism then.
For example, as an event usher one time, I tried directing a group of men to their seats at the event but they refused to listen to me. In fact, they outrightly said they can’t take orders from a girl, much less a “smallie”. Young me thought it was because I was sooooo slim back then, and it was one of the things that touched my self esteem a bit. But now I know it was just them being sexist, foolish, and it had nothing to do with my stature. They finally took directions from one of the male food servers, after going in circles for a while looking for a seat😂 Las las they sat at wrong table, and our ushering coordinator had to go redirect them.
That one was one of many, and just the beginning. Now that I run my own business, and don’t really work under anybody at events, the sexism is a bit softer (for lack of a better word), but it’s still there.
I’ve met photographers/videographers who;
– Want to use my tools while we’re all clearly working at the same time during the event oo (eg my extra light batteries, tripod, my light). They mostly act entitled to it sef, until I clock them and tell them either with my eyes or my body language that “it’s like you’re high on something?”
– Assume I’m there to assist and not working on my own. I’ve even met one who tried to get me to leave my work and be carrying MY light up and down for him😂.
– Try to make sexual jokes with me before I let them know I don’t find such things funny, and they should avoid addressing me unless it’s something work related at the event/gathering. This one has happened 3 times, and 2 out of those times, they kept sending their assistants to me if they needed anything (eg if I was in their shot, etc). The third one avoided me altogether and didn’t even say anything if I was in his shot.
I also recently met a male content creator who wanted me to make videos and send to him when I was done😂 For context, I was the content creator contacted by the bridal party, and he was the content creator of the venue and their adjoining spa space. His excuse was that he was “busy” with content for the spa area, and couldn’t do the two at once. This one was so funny because he looked so raggedy, and I wondered what even gave him the audacity to speak to me and request such a thing😂 (Yes, I judge men by their appearance coz dem dey crase).
So many experiences oo. I also met an event coordinator that held her own down at an event, and was even threatened with bodily harm by a man (surprise!!). The entrance policy was that if you didn’t have clearance as an event vendor (eg you weren’t on the official vendor list), you wouldn’t gain entry. Even I was kept outside the venue for over an hour before confirmation, because I was coming to create content for another vendor, so I wasn’t listed on the official vendors list. This man and his minions (another sub vendor like me) kept screaming and finally threatened to beat up the event coordinator herself. Because “why woman go dey stubborn like this?” (In his words🫠)
I also had a groomsman talk about the fact that the bride was delaying the wedding because “women too like makeup and paparazzi”. He was also one of those hurrying the bride and adding to her anxiety that day.
I was the bride’s friend and also her content creator, so as soon as I turned and he realized I was the one standing there, he tried to change his statement. I told him “When e reach your turn, if you fit pay for this kind wedding, no snap any picture or create any memories of your day”. Which in retrospect, was a very tame response🤧
Anyways, men are crazy, and the faster you can identify sexism (even in its tiniest form), it would really help to call it out and let them know their opinions defy logic (as it does most times) or they should just shut up. The faster you can clock it and call them out on it, the better. Even if it won’t make them change their opinions, but just let them know say dem dey crase.
YL
I once had an event planner friend who had to scream and shout even at those working under her before they could do what they were supposed to do.
When I do content creation for weddings, I notice that some photographers like to give me instructions. Like they like to correct me unnecessarily. I’m here recording and I know what I”m doing but they will be like: “Oh make the camera straight”; “Oh turn it around”. By default, they just try to start teaching me what I’m there to do.
It’s just always weird because I notice that they don’t do that with the other male mobile videographers that are there. I mean there’s sexism in the world so it just means there’ll be sexism in every industry.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.