In all the books I have read this year, the one that speaks to the power of sisterhood has to be A Spell Of Good Things by Ayobami Adebayo. Without giving too many spoilers, it explores issues like intimate partner violence, poverty and the importance of sisterhood and friendship amongst women.
Through the characters of Yeye and Eniola’s mother, I was able to see how having a strong network of women is often key to surviving a very erratic political climate that is the Nigerian state.
Yeye’s eldest sister ensured that all her sisters had secret stashes of money and gold jewellery even if she had also ensured they married up to well to do men.
Her sister too, made a promise to her that she was never going to be left stranded after their parents died in an accident.
This saw Yeye’s eldest sister drop out of school to become a third wife to a man who acted as the father for her sisters and financial benefactor.
This was such that the weddings of her sisters were conducted in his home and he joined to sponsor them in their education.
What interests me is this…Yeye’s eldest sister took a strong decision not to have anything to do with their father’s house and invariably her father’s son from his mistress. It was primarily because her father put all his properties in the will into the name of his son and left practically nothing for the education of Yeye’s eldest sister and her sisters. One has to wonder what would have become of them if Yeye’s sister did not agree to be a wife to a man who fulfilled his part as a financial benefactor.
In Nigeria and most African nations, it is not unusual for a home and family to be seen as incomplete if there is no son to “carry on the family name”. It is also not unusual for a woman’s body to go through the horrors of childbirth multiple times until she births the golden heir.
Furthermore, no one properly questions why women are continually disinherited, written out of wills and treated as though they are aliens whose only saving grace is to get an education that would increase the possibility of her father getting a higher bride price.
Even at that, in most rural Nigerian homes, it is seen as the norm to deny daughters access to an education and land because “she will end up in a man’s kitchen”.
What interests me though, is that even when married, daughters are still expected to take care not only of their husband’s mother and father, but also of their own parents as well. The daughters who are told they have no worth because they take another man’s name, are expected to contribute financially to a household where they have little or no stakes in it.
This is even if that money may come from a rich husband. The same people who insist that after marriage daughters no longer belong, would bully her into ensuring they have a share of her husband’s wealth.
The patriarchy is truly a scam and it is imperative that women see it for what it is. If denying daughters access and preferring sons happens because “sons pass on the family name”, then why are women and girls expected to give financially because: “Children are an investment for old age?”.
Even more, why are children seen not as individuals with names of their own but rather as investments and tools to pass on a legacy, such that more attention is paid to a family name being carried on as opposed to the quality of the children born into a family.
Speaking with Rieme, a writer and skincare enthusiast with Omose Skin, she told me that she has had food taken out of her mouth to give to the boys in her family.
In her words: “I’ve had food taken out of my mouth to give to the boys in my family. Literally. I think girls are discriminated against because of the idea of lineage being passed down via the last name. The idea that bloodline can only be preserved through a son. The logic doesn’t hold up. That seems to be the pervasive mindset of Nigerians, I would say black people wholesale.”
When asked on ways this problem can be solved, Cindy, a writer, said that one good start can be the way Nollywood portrays women.
To quote her: “I’ll suggest re-education… all over Africa and especially in Nigeria. People learn from movies but if movies keep telling stories of women being denied opportunities it remains the norm.
So just like how diverse representation makes the world a better place, Nigerian movies and books telling more stories of women given the chance to live their best lives would subconsciously ingrain that mindset into the perceptions of Nigerians.”
The truth is that misogyny is not merely a hatred of women. That hatred ensures to kill women.
If son preference is not addressed, we shall continue to have cases of sex selective abortion and female infanticide.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.
