Across all world cultures, marriage and more specifically the union between a man and woman are recurring themes.
It is often seen as a rite of passage for women in particular to go to university, get married almost immediately and have a baby.
However, marriage has been criticised as one where women’s exploitation experiences a heightened increase.
Some women have decided to remove themselves from marriage totally and live a life of not being partnered. Their choices however tend to be on the receiving end of scrutiny from several sources.
Urban Woman Magazine recently spoke to some of these women to find out their motivations and how they navigate the dislike for their decisions.
Read their responses below.
Jewel
Because marriage is not a feminist institution.
Because marriage is not the ultimate proof of love.
August
My motivation to not get married is freedom and it’s also a huge reason I’m childfree. I like doing what I like when I like how I like. I have said I won’t get married since I was 15 in SS1. Then between 20 and 23 I briefly considered it but I asked myself if it was something I really wanted and the answer was no.
By the time I was 25 I told everyone that cared to listen that I’m not getting married. Now I’m almost 31 and I’ve been privileged to be in rooms with women having conversations they wouldn’t have if a man was in the room and I just know it’s not going to happen for me. Also I’ve seen and heard thé women I know talk about their experiences and it’s a lot. Now I no longer feel the need to talk about it, I know it and that’s enough for me.
About pressure, no one really pressures me because for one I’ve told them I’ll cut off anyone that talks to me about it and they know I will cause there are family members I have cut off; also they only know of one relationship I’ve been in and it lasted three weeks and that was seven years ago.
My dad is late and he was like the only person I tried to listen to. Also, the last time my mom and I had this conversation, I asked her if marriage was such a great thing, why won’t she remarry and she said why would she want to suffer with another man, that was obviously a slip up but she hasn’t brought up the conversation again.
For those who say my decision is abnormal, I just tell them we can’t all be the same and I don’t need their permission to live my life.
For those who want to marry to avoid family pressure, life is hard o but I think life is a lot better if you like/love yourself and a good part of that is allowing yourself make your own choices and mistakes.
Also question your beliefs. You might change your mind about getting married or not, you might just not be ready yet; whatever your decision just make sure it is yours.
You’re human. You’re going to make mistakes, forgive yourself and god I know that sounds cliche but it’s true.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.