As we navigate through adulthood, we often hope that the struggles of our childhood are far behind us. However, the echoes of our upbringing can linger, influencing our self-worth and confidence long after we’ve flown the nest. The words we heard from our caregivers—parents, grandparents, teachers, and coaches—can have a lasting impact on how we perceive ourselves and treat ourselves.
Psychologist Dr. Michele Goldman emphasizes the significance of the comments we heard in our formative years, shaping our beliefs about ourselves. While we may have been taught that “sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will never hurt us,” the truth is, words do matter, especially when they come from those we looked up to for guidance and support.
In a collaboration with three other psychologists, Dr. Goldman identifies 12 common phrases from childhood that can negatively affect our self-worth in adulthood. These phrases, if repeated to us during our formative years, may leave us struggling with confidence and self-esteem well into our adult lives. However, there is hope for healing and growth.
One such harmful phrase is, “Now, look at what you made me do!” This expression, often used to shift blame onto a child, can foster feelings of inadequacy and self-blame. When children are told to “get over it,” it invalidates their emotions, leading to a sense of being too much. Similarly, being labeled as “dramatic” may cause individuals to doubt their emotions and struggle with trusting their feelings.
Phrases like “children should be seen and not heard” can stifle a child’s sense of self, encouraging them to remain quiet, agreeable, and invisible. The statement, “I brought you into this world, I can take you out,” instills fear and dominance, hindering one’s ability to set boundaries and trust themselves. “You’re OK” may dismiss a child’s true emotions, causing them to detach from their internal experiences.
It is essential to acknowledge the lasting impact of these phrases on our self-worth and confidence. By addressing our childhood experiences, learning to set boundaries, and seeking professional help when needed, we can begin the journey towards healing and reclaiming our sense of self-worth. Our past does not define us, but it can shape us, and by confronting these deep-seated beliefs, we can move towards a more empowered and confident future.
Peace Nero is a writer and blogger who loves to explore different topics of self-development. She shares her personal experiences in order to help people discover their true purpose in life.