Why Having Feminist Examples From A Young Age Is Important

I was fourteen when I first heard the word feminist. It was from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s seminal Ted Talk titled We Should All Be Feminists. 

It was that word which gave life to the injustices towards women that I had always known existed right from when I could observe and speak. Chimamanda Adichie gave me a name to capture the reality that women are often not treated as human enough or human at all.

Now, although I heard the word feminist at age fourteen, my life was not without women whose lives were feminist examples even if they did not identify as feminists. 

One of them is my mother’s sister who left two abusive marriages, reverted to her former surname and went on to be a well respected lecturer and doctorate degree holder.

Growing up as a child, I always knew her story and she served as a reminder that no matter how often men tried to bring me down as a woman, it was up to me to pull myself out of negativity or face the possibility of death and annihilation.

Fast forward to about fifteen years later and I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship in my first year of university. I was seventeen years old and absolutely besotted by a boy who cheated on me, body shamed me and made fun of the fact that I was not slim and had hair on my chest.

When the time came to leave him, I must say that in retrospect, it was reminding myself that I come from a lineage of women who abandon negativity that saw me remove the thought that I could change him.

I have provided this backdrop to show the importance of young women having visible feminist examples around them. It was because I saw my aunt thriving after divorcing two men that I knew that I could thrive.

For some women, the feminist examples may not come from family members. It may be from books, movies and people around them. The feminist example may be that unmarried hairdresser they visit who always encourages them to face their studies and fights men in the community who may try to groom them.

It may be that female teacher at school who lets them know that being a girl is never a hindrance to dreaming big. It may be that female sports coach at school who teaches them body positivity and lets them know that they must never hate their bodies. 

It may be the school mother assigned to them in junior secondary school who teaches them the basics of period hygiene and knowing how to track cycles when their period comes unexpectedly.

Again: The importance of feminist examples cannot be under estimated. These women’s lives, words and actions form the building blocks that aid women’s ability to stand up for ourselves when in difficult situations. 

In a digital age, those feminist examples can come from apps like Youtube and Twitter where feminist women share tips ranging from job negotiations, sexual health tips and ways to spot and stay away from toxic men. 

I, for one, have benefited immensely from women online who speak on how to be confident in one’s decision to not be so bothered about marital pressures and expectations.

To better understand this topic, I asked women to share their personal stories with me. Below are the responses I received.

Blessing

In hindsight I really benefited from this in my family.

My dad is the only son among seven children. And his elder sis was much older, so he found himself taking care of most of their needs, caring for the house (of course patriarchy showed up when they were older but still). And because he valued education, he made sure all six of them at least finished secondary school before eyeing marriage (which is significant considering what is obtainable on average in our place). 

So basically, everybody had a business or job or something going on before they faced marriage. And the women of my paternal lineage are very very stubborn (I’m so mild they sometimes ask me where I got my meekness from. It was beaten out of me by good ol stepmom. Lol)

But what I’m saying is that, in my place, having a husband wasn’t the be-all and end-all of life. Like a husband was like, an extra, a decoration to complete whatever you had. It wasn’t central to one’s identity. My dad raised me to think of myself first. So like, when my stepmom will be like “your age mates are married with children” I would be like “and so?” So I thought of marriage and kids as an obligation, something you did when you’re set for life. And they all married late for their times, so nobody is pressuring me. 

My stepmom is the opposite of a child of God, lol. But one thing about her, she’ll speak her mind and nobody will stop her. And she’s basically bankrolling everything. It’s from her I knew that money really really stops nonsense. She’s mad wicked, but damn she’s strong!

Precious

Having feminist icons to look up to is very important for young girls because this will show them that they can be as independent and ambitious as they want. 

Growing up, I looked up to feminist icons like Chimamanda Adichie who inspired me to become a better writer and feminist. 

Having female teachers and strong women in my family who showed me that wanting more was valid also made a huge difference in my life.

Concerning the low level of strong feminist mentorships for teen girls in African countries, I think we can create more social initiatives and opportunities for them to interact with positive role models.

Laura

I personally think having feminist examples as a young girl goes a long way.

I didn’t have much of that (thank God for books and the internet), but I knew the kind of woman I didn’t want to end up as.

I always had questions in my mind as a young girl. I had a family friend who was single in her 30s, successful, landowner, and worked as a big Samsung employee. But there were lots of talks behind her back that didn’t make sense to me. 

Statements like: “She’s still single because she works a lot, owns different properties, and intimidates men with her success.”

It made no sense but I really admired her from a distance.

She passed later on, but I still randomly think about her and low-key wonder if she lived and was happy (the husband talks, matchmaking, insults and all of that) in her lifetime because she was such an inspiration from a distance.

Deborah

I always like to say that I have always had feminist ideals even before I truly knew what it was all about. Looking back, I can see that if I hadn’t broadened my horizons and interacted with women who knew better, there were some “misogynistic looking” things that I was willing to overlook. Now I know better.

These days, I try my best to enlighten my female cousins, classmates and females in other categories who grew up in places where patriarchy reigns supreme and do not any better. I try to help them question the status quo. Why are women subjugated? Why is the man automatically superior to the woman in a marriage and regular society? Who made it that way?

Questions that lead them to think for themselves and choose better for themselves.

I honestly believe that having women in any position of power who are feminist and vocal about it will go a long way to enlighten other women and girls.

Making feminism mainstream by teaching younger girls through media that they enjoy will also help.

I wouldn’t exactly call my mother a feminist because religion plays a huge role in psychological makeup but she has always taught to never take shit from a man. She herself is not a woman that any man can bully. 

Recently, she helped a woman escape an abusive marriage and set up a business for herself and that made me so proud of her. My mother is never silent about sexual assault/abuse. She completely disgraced a useless man who groped me when I was very little. It’s a memory I’ll never forget. Got him evicted from his house and everything. 

My mother is honestly an icon to me. 

If there are more women of her generation that can think like this and pass it on to their own children, it will go a long way.

Hyeladzira

I’ve told this story so many times I’m sure people are tired of me. In 2020, during the EndSARS protest, my sister was in the forefront protesting. I was bedridden so I couldn’t protest, but I was loud online. People would randomly call my mother to tell her to ‘warn’ her daughters, and she told one of them “Lion no dey born goat.”

In December last year, I led a protest at school. I was at the front when Police threw teargas at us, and one threw two at me directly. I almost died (I am asthmatic) and almost got expelled from school.

It was so bad the Senate invited me. I say this to  also say, my Grandma is the strongest, most assertive person I know. She has four daughters, and raised all of them through school in a polygamous home where women weren’t allowed to work.

She woke up one day, fought with her husband and went to start a farm. A farm she used to train her daughters, and a step son. By making that decision, she liberated the women in her home, and gave her daughters wings.

Through this act of bravery, my aunts and mum got wings, and it has given my female cousins and I the opportunity to be unapologetic feminists (my older cousin is worse than me when it comes to feminism, and it looks like the two younger than me are more radical 🤣).

If I didn’t have the women I have in my life, I doubt I’d be this much of a feminist.

My mentors growing up were women like Margaret Thatcher, Hillary Clinton, and Queen Amina of Zazzau.

These women, and my Mother’s cousins, Elizabeth Banu, and Jemimah Bassi set the tone for my life.

Seeing women say they’d do it, and then go ahead and do it helped me realise how possible it is to do and be more.

I think more feminists need to be hands on with younger girls. Show them possibilities. Be more open to speaking up online and offline, and share your stories. Mentor as many as you can.

Fave

I was telling someone earlier this month that I trained myself because if I had let my mother instil her values in me, there would have been a serious problem but now that you asked this question, I dare to say that it was (and still is) the women I came to find out about on Twitter that changed me, made me unlearn and learn a lot of vital things. 

Way before I knew how to spell feminism I wanted more for myself, always knew that I was made for great things and even though I had seriously low self-esteem, I just knew it. 

I would watch women in a great position and feel it in my heart that this can very much be me but I still had the burden of the patriarchy holding me down with its feet and hands. I used to say things like “My husband will have to allow me to work o” and “I want to enjoy life before I get married in case my husband doesn’t like me going out”.

Imagine my shock when I started using Twitter and started to see the likes of Tiaraoluwa talk about how these were not how things should be; it was through these women I learned what misogyny and patriarchy were. 

It was by following these women that I knew I wasn’t a baton to be passed from my father to my husband. It was through them that I found out that I should have autonomy over my body and that I wasn’t better than the next woman sitting across me just because a man said so because I could very much be her in the blink of an eye. 

It was through these women I found out my politics should not be palatable to my oppressors. It was through these women that I found out that I needed to live for myself alone without wondering about what a husband I was yet to meet wanted or not. I can go on and on about all the things I have learned and it’s only been a year. 

There is no particular fictional character I have in mind but I have always loved movies where women were the protagonists, they make me feel seen seeing a woman in charge and that’s why representation always matters to me. 

For example in the movie Colombiana, Cataleya was my favourite character and in the book titled The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller, Alessandra is my favourite. 

Mimi

Growing up, my mum held very strong feminist ideologies. Yes, she also held very strong patriarchal ideologies but as a child I was in awe of how career driven and opinionated she was. She used to tell me then: “Boys are not more important than you. How can that be when you’re smarter than them?”.

When I was in pre-primary, I had this teacher that always scolded girls for getting into fights with boys even though the boys started it. The first time it happened to me, I thought: “Why shouldn’t I fight back? Mummy would be disappointed if I don’t”. So I gave him the beating of his life. 

Yes I was scolded, but it felt good to stand up for myself. Now, many years later, I’m grateful to her for laying the groundwork for my feminism, even though she wouldn’t identify as one herself. 

I also went to an all girls Catholic boarding school and even though it might sound ironic, we were really taught the power of independence. Yes most of my classmates are not feminists now, but the fact that we could live in a place for six years and make it flourish without any help from men really made an impact on me. 

During my young teenage years was when I got into social media, and by some stroke of luck, one of the first recommendations I got was a feminist page. And you know how social media is, once I liked a post, others like that came flooding in.

Do I think I would have still turned out a feminist even without all of these? Yes but I’m grateful to have had them either way.

Sylvia Maduka

When I was in university, a lady two levels higher than my class recruited my friends and I one afternoon to a group of young people looking to make change. That group is called “Activista”, a youth subsidiary of Action Aid Nigeria. 

She spoke passionately about change and how young people have so much impact in activism and advocacy. But what struck me was how confident she was leading a group of people; men and women and inspiring us without batting an eyelid.

I wanted that. I’ve always gotten leadership roles due to my personality but it was at that moment that I craved it, wanted it, worked for it and demanded it. 

She inspired me to question gender roles, especially in leadership and top positions. 

In some way, I think she led me to the path of identifying as a feminist.

Now, I’m paying it forward. I’m showing my two sisters and my community that women can and women should. Even in places where I don’t want to lead because I don’t give a shit about what’s been discussed, if a young girl is in attendance, I signify my interest.

My mindset was changed because of Joan. I want to lead a battalion behind her.

Joy

I have always believed that it is easier to walk the path that has been trodden before and as a very young child who grew up with different ideas considered strange by the general populace, it was a sense of relief to come across people that believed in the things I believed in.

I first read The Joys of Motherhood as a nine year old. I had stumbled upon it and I said out loud that I was never going to be Nnu Ego who let herself be abused and put through hell just because of children. I also read A Woman In Her Prime and a couple of African literature including Purple Hibiscus. All these shaped a narrative for me and gave me a path to tread. 

I realised that getting an education was the path to independence for most of the women whom I admired living the life I wanted in the future; so I kept my head buried in my books and made sure I graduated. I also realised from seeing my mum raise 4 children almost simultaneously that I didn’t want to be in her shoes and be burdened by children. I remember heaving a sigh of relief for her the day my last sibling graduated from primary school; it meant that she didn’t have to look for a pair of white socks every morning anymore, she was free.

I realised that these women who I admired were also financially independent and so I strove to be one. I make it a point of duty to walk my talk because I realised that as I had female counterparts who made a way for this path I’ve chosen and walked on it, I also have to be a beacon of hope for the girls after me.

Tess

I would say no one taught me about feminism. I came to realise it; life didn’t give my mum a great husband neither did it give me a great father and my defiance and knack for justice was something I didn’t know had a definition. 

Until I got to university and became even more aware how insane the world really is and how women have to fight for what needs to be right. 

From men who touch to communicate. To men who say women can never be anything without a man. To my landlord who said ladies always sleep their way to the top. And to the men who dropped sexual comments when I was little…it felt weird. 

Teachers barely did anything, my mum taught me the right and wrong- a bit of it, she probably didn’t know the full definition or full details. Right now I am working on that, from my sisters to my baby brother.

The solutions? Let young girls speak up. Let them do the little things: like say what’s wrong, call out a boy in their class who says they belong in the kitchen. Boys won’t be boys. They are taught!

~

Seeing is believing. You cannot adequately become something positive if all you are exposed to are examples of negatives.

Having feminist examples in a young girl’s life helps to validate the feminist spark that already exists in every woman’s spirit. 

The examples of feminist minded women in family, books, school and movies are necessary in nurturing young women’s feminist sparks into full blown audacious fires.