Being the eldest daughter comes with a lot of unspoken rules. You’re supposed to be responsible, strong, and always in control. You’re the one who keeps the family together, sets the example, and sometimes silently carries the weight of everyone else’s expectations.
The Eldest daughter syndrome is an intense feeling of responsibility that comes with being the oldest; you are often seen as the role model for younger siblings, which creates immense pressure to set a perfect example by excelling in every area of life.
Urban Woman Magazine spoke to five women about how being the eldest shaped their lives, their choices, and their relationships. Here’s what they had to say:
Busola
I was an overachiever from early on. I learned to perform beyond expectations just to feel loved. Growing up, there was this constant pressure to always be the best. I felt horrible whenever I made mistakes or didn’t live up to expectations. Even now, that need to overperform sticks with me.
Obiageli
Being the eldest… It’s like carrying the world on your shoulders. You’re given responsibilities no kid should have, and everyone expects you to be perfect. You didn’t ask for that pedestal, but it’s there anyway. It leaves you anxious, especially when stuff happens that’s just… out of your control.
Faith
I was always the one looking after my younger siblings. Even when I just wanted to chill or do my own thing, someone had to come first. Honestly, it was exhausting, but I didn’t know how to say no.
Tochi
Growing up, I just wanted everyone to be happy. If someone was upset, I felt like it was my job to fix it. I ignored my feelings so much, trying to make everyone else okay. I’m still learning that I don’t always have to do that.”
Folasade
Even as adults, it doesn’t stop. In relationships, I go overboard to keep things smooth. I hold back my needs, I bring family problems into my personal life… and it’s exhausting. But honestly, it’s not our fault. We were just raised this way.
Olekanma Favour is a resourceful, self-motivated, and result-driven writer with a passion for crafting compelling narratives and insightful content. She loves tackling complex topics and weaving engaging stories.
When she’s not writing, Olekanma enjoys immersing herself in a good book, exploring new cuisines, and discovering new cultures.