One of my favourite women centred music groups is definitely TLC which was a very popular American girl group in the late 80s and early 90s.
Although I was born in the late 90s and discovered TLC as a teenager, their songs have played a major impact in how I carry myself.
Some of their songs like Unpretty, What About Your Friends and Waterfalls have taught me to be comfortable in my skin, choose people who will appreciate me and be careful about the choices I make with my body.
It is not only TLC’s songs that have encouraged me to be a better woman. Their personalities and stories behind their coming together as a group have lots of lessons to be learned especially in why women need to be entitled and audacious.
One of the singers called Chilli used to be a dancer and it was in a dance studio that she met the woman who was scouting for people to form a new girl group. The woman was at the studio and Chilli was talking to someone who told her that the woman was scouting. Chilli then said that she was going to approach her and the person mockingly asked her if she could sing and she said yes, ignored her and went up to the woman. When the woman was acting a bit in a hurry and unsure of if a dancer could sing, Chilli opened her mouth and sang her a line from a song that left the woman in shock and saw her bring Chilli onboard as a singer.
TLC went on to sell more than 65 million copies of their albums, making them one of the highest selling girl groups of all time.
I use the story of Chilli to illustrate why having a good sense of entitlement, audacity and even a bit of “main character syndrome” is necessary for women.
The reality is that opportunities may not always fall on your lap. Sometimes it is what some term as a ridiculous belief in yourself that will see you pitching yourself and skills in the presence of those who hold the keys to success.
What this may look like practically is being able to negotiate higher salaries, pitching founders and HR personnels on professional sites like Linkedin and constantly advertising your business as a chef, writer and artist on social media apps and with no shame too.
The importance of female entitlement to the good things of life cannot be understated. When a woman truly believes she deserves to have life easier and softer for her and when she actively works to give herself that soft life, more often than not, she will find the energy to let go of distractions and always focus on the goal no matter what.
She becomes a woman who is intentional about who she lets into her space. She becomes a woman who doesn’t allow anything to threaten her peace and stop her from going in the direction of her dreams. This is such that she will prefer being single over being with a rich man who is too unbothered to use his riches to improve her own life. She becomes a woman who builds community with other women such that she networks, collaborates and chooses to lean on women like her who gun for ultimate life and career success with each other’s help.
To be entitled in this context is not to think that things should fall on your lap. It is rather to believe that you too are deserving of the best and must not settle for less. It is to constantly believe in yourself and your worth even when men want to bring your confidence down for wanting a better career. It is to leave friends who are intimidated by your dreams and never do anything to help you.
It is to be audacious in how you pull the good things of life to yourself; it is to know that you must never falter your voice when it comes to promoting your business at relevant events. It is to know that truly, your destiny will only come to fruition when you put in the work.
Speaking with Precious, she says that she became a lot more comfortable financially when she decided to charge her worth.
In her words: “Many of us women are scared that negotiating higher when it comes to opportunities can make us lose out on these things. I used to have the same problem until I saw men around me who didn’t even write as well as I did, earning a lot and being so self confident to demand whatever they wanted.
So one day, I did an exercise of everything I had ever accomplished since I was a child, and in my writing life, and I was amazed at how much I had grown over the years. This helped to build my confidence in my writing skills.”
She went on to say: “Now, daring to charge what I think my service is worth is a lot easier and my life is better for it, even in every other aspect.
I’m no longer scared to go after things I want. High paying gigs, friends, and even the type of people I’d like to partner with.
I think doing a skills audit or career milestones audit can help more women realise just how awesome and smart they are, thereby building their self confidence.”
For Nathalie, a media manager, she says that courage has enabled her to move regardless of the consequences.
To quote her: “Courage has allowed me to see a way forward even when there’s no clear path yet. Just being able to move when I need to and do what I feel in my heart has allowed me to remain relevant in the spaces that keep me making money for and building with independent musicians over the last 14 years.”
It is very important for women and girls to understand that we too are deserving of everything good and nice.
When you have a positive sense of entitlement and work to accomplish your skills which you advertise, it enables you to have the strength to push through difficulties.
Far more than that, talking about yourself and your work like you matter is a well done pat from you to you.
What could be better than that?
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.
