Women’s bodies and health experiences are both unfortunately still the site of misinformation and low research.
Ways of managing health issues like endometriosis, PCOS, vaginismus and fibroids still remain shrouded in mystery for the women who have these conditions.
Furthermore, women’s worth can be reduced if it is discovered that her reproductive health is under question.
This is even if the men doing this judging constantly drink alcohol and cannot remember when last they did a check up.
One of the sexual health experiences that is under-researched is vaginismus. Vaginismus refers to the involuntary closing or tensing of the vaginal muscles during sexual activity. What, this means is that penetration is often difficult to experience.
Vaginismus can be caused by a myriad of things including adherence to sexual purity culture, trauma from rape or sexual assault, fear of pregnancy and trauma from a previous childbirth.
The experiences of women who have vaginismus vary from person to person.
Urban Woman Magazine recently asked some women to share their stories around vaginismus.
Read their responses below.
OC
I have vaginismus and I can’t ascertain for a fact if purity culture or coerced sex (rape) is the reason. For the longest time I thought I was asexual not knowing it was vaginismus dealing with me.
I have not overcome it though and I don’t see myself having sex anytime soon either.
Precious
Vaginismus has impacted my life, esteem and sexuality in a negative yet positive way. It first was negative because it really dealt with my self esteem. I was thinking there was something wrong with me and all. I didn’t know how to share it with friends and family so I carried the burden alone.
I was also not in a good financial place to go to the hospital. That was what made me start using Google until I found out that I was actually normal and whatever was happening was just my body reacting to fear (in my context).
For my sexuality, it kinda helped me learn how to do other things. Thank God for my partner, it has made us seek other means of partaking in sexual activities until we can find a permanent solution to the issue.
Before my current partner, I shy away from men or sexual activity with them because I don’t want to be seen as a freak or abnormal person or even hurt myself physically whilst trying to penetrate.
I have not overcome it yet. I’m still on that journey but one thing I will recommend is making sure your partner knows what’s happening.
It will help in overcoming it.
AA
My vaginismus was triggered by trauma, my first experience with penetrative sex was coercive rape and that was also my first time having sex. After that I wasn’t able to do anything and when I had sex with my second sexual partner who has been the only other one since then, it was horrible and I kept tightening up and I would also freeze up every time we tried and I bled a few times.
I didn’t understand what it was and at first I convinced myself it was probably an effect of it being my first few times having sex. This was until one of my Twitter mutuals mentioned vaginismus and I looked it up and realized it can be triggered by trauma. After that it was easier to manage because my partner understood that I had to be 100% comfortable with him and I realized it was easier to have penetrative sex if my body and mind were aligned about it.
The entire experience made and still makes me extremely frustrated about sex sometimes because I’m constantly wondering if my next sexual experience will be easy or I’ll have to go through the mental process of convincing my body that I infact want to have sex. Also as a neurodivergent person, that’s a lot of work because I zone out pretty easily and also I freeze and go back to how helpless I felt during my first experience.
I wouldn’t say it has impacted my interactions with men much. I’ve only been interested in one man and he’s helped me a lot and I believe that I’m close to overcoming it but on some days it’s really good and on others, I simply cannot because it hurts a whole lot and my body is just not up for it.
For tips on how to manage it, I’m not sure I have anything other than it is very important to do sex with someone who cares about your pain and your pleasure, someone who is patient because your partner being impatient will make everything worse for you.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.