In Nigeria and other parts of Africa, parenting is often synonymous with fear and discipline of children sits side by side with abuse.
But not every parent chooses to raise children in a hostile environment and feminist mothers in particular are slowly modelling what non-toxic parenting should look like.
Urban Woman Magazine recently spoke to some of these mothers and asked them what some healthy parenting tips are.
Read their responses below.
FA
Parenting every child is different, what works for your first child doesn’t necessarily work for your second. I always say the way to parent the child is by observing them, what gets to them deeply. Talking with them, taking away things they love as punishment? As a parent you have to be observant.
Punishment for me is usually talking and bringing data,🤣 I am a nerd mom and my son is a nerd.
So I show and tell him the benefits and consequences of what he is doing. Take away his games or books or whatever he likes at the moment as punishment.
My advice to mothers? Deal with your own fear first then you can raise your children without fear.
ZI
I wasn’t raised with “gentle parenting,” but I’m learning to do things differently with my toddler. Instead of hitting, I talk him through tantrums (it’s not always easy). What I like to call it is “African gentle parenting” 😂. Sometimes I raise my voice a little, but never in a way that makes him scared or run away.
One thing I’m proud of is teaching him body safety early. Since he was 10 months, I’ve been singing the “private parts” song and telling him no one should touch him there. Recently, when an older boy tried touching my son’s peepee, my toddler defended himself by biting the boy and then immediately I showed up my toddler ran to me while still holding on to his shorts when I questioned the little boy he said (I was playing with him and wanted to “totori” him then he bit me). That moment showed me the lessons are sinking in.
I keep reminding him no one touches your private parts so please start early with telling the babies (Girls & boys).
Start sounding it cause this world is wicked.
GI
When you discipline a child for something, they should have an idea of the why.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.