As we grow up, one of the first lessons we learn is the power of “please” and “thank you.” Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and performance coach, emphasizes that these words are crucial for social cohesion and a sense of belonging to a group. They show respect, reduce friction, and convey basic goodwill. However, when these manners become automatic or ingrained without thought, it’s time to reevaluate.
Dr. McGeehan suggests reflecting on the social norms we learned as children to ensure they align with our current moral compass. As adults, our relationships are more complex than childhood interactions. Politeness should be intentional and authentic, not just reflexive. Women, in particular, may default to “please” and “thank you” as a learned behavior, potentially hindering personal and professional growth. It’s essential to examine if our expressions of gratitude are genuine or simply a façade to avoid discomfort.
The act of thanking someone activates both relationship and neurological systems. Gratitude reinforces prosocial behavior, signaling safety and strengthening positive connections in the brain. Expressing gratitude communicates recognition and appreciation, fostering closer bonds. Practicing gratitude has the added benefit of diverting attention from threats and towards positive emotions and connections.
Politeness is not a personality trait in itself but can reflect certain traits like agreeableness. Highly agreeable individuals may naturally exhibit politeness as they seek to maintain peace. However, politeness is also shaped by cultural norms and early conditioning. People high in agreeableness, well-regulated, authentic, and from families that did not impose rigid societal norms may be less inclined to use politeness as a mask for discomfort.
When analyzing people who habitually say “please” and “thank you,” seven common traits emerge. These individuals often have high social awareness, were raised in environments where manners were emphasized, are conflict-averse, possess high empathy, may engage in superficial conversations to avoid emotional depth, tend to be submissive, and take on high internal responsibility for relational ease.
In conclusion, automatic politeness can foster warmth and reduce friction in social interactions, demonstrating respect and social intelligence. However, it’s essential to analyze when politeness becomes excessive and potentially detrimental, replacing authenticity, reinforcing people-pleasing behaviors, masking resentment, or neglecting one’s own needs. Reflecting on our habits of politeness can bring greater internal awareness and mindfulness to our interactions, enhancing authentic and meaningful connections in our relationships.
Peace Nero is a writer and blogger who loves to explore different topics of self-development. She shares her personal experiences in order to help people discover their true purpose in life.