In 2023, a groundbreaking article was published by The Cut. In it, it documented the lives of South Korean women who are practising 4B as a form of self preservation and feminist defiance.
4B is a movement saying no to the following: no to sex with men, no to marriage with men, no to dating men and no to birthing children.
Ever since that article was published, there have been debates on if it is possible for women in other regions to effectively practice 4B or any of the B’s even.
While those debates will continue, it is important to document the women who do practice 4B and do it in a country that is very marriage centric like Nigeria.
Urban Woman Magazine recently spoke to some Nigerian women who practice different forms of 4B and asked what the experience has been like.
Below are their responses.
Hannah
I am not going to lie. The behavior of men radicalised me, the way they behave in real life and on social media. The way I see men treat pregnant women, their mothers, sisters and women they don’t know, even the “progressive ones” are also guilty of it.
The only challenge for me is that one may end up without friends (I mean female friends) if you decide to be open about it; because all of them dey hustle man including many feminists(sorry no offence to anyone). Lucky for me I have two friends. We both share the same view, only two feminist women in my life actually understand, the new ones I meet in reality always end up defending men.
It has truly helped me regain my power. I honestly don’t care about what men or society has to say about me. It’s refreshing, wearing what I want because I can, doing what I want without caring about any societal validation, doing things because I can and not because that’s what’s expected of me “as a woman”.
Saying whatever I want, being bold enough to tell people I intend never to have kids or a husband whenever they ask and not minding their opinion. Men look at me in a terrified manner when I tell them I do not find them or any man attractive; the tantrums and the shalaye makes me laugh. Before I used to lie that I have a bf so they will leave me alone. Now I look them in the eyes and tell them I don’t find them or any man attractive because men ain’t shit and the disbelief on their faces as I walk away makes me smile.
The peace of mind is something else. Knowing that at no point in my life will I ever experience men’s rotten behavior and their toxicity in my personal life because I don’t have household misogyny to face. I’ll only face the outside world’s own or me being afraid that I’m with a former rapist, retired armed robber, or a closet misogynist that may say something that will stain my white. No STDs or STIs, no cheating, no stealing of my money, joy and youth.
Omo!!!! I feel like superwoman, enjoyment wan kill me 😭😂.
Favour
I’m doing 3B, which is no relationship, marriage or childbirth. Since last December. It started out with me questioning my worth in relation to my dealings with men.
I’ve decentered men and romance to the extent that I’m okay with being single and childfree (being single for more than a year). The only B I’m not doing is like not fucking men. I just feel men can’t love me the way I want to be loved and I also think that if there’s a revolution, I will actually throw my husband and sons out there if it comes to that.
So it’s better off with me being unmarried. I also think that there’s no benefit to being married to a man in this country. You lose your rights and shit so why bother.
When I started out, I asked women in my atheist space how they have been dealing with something like this and they really motivated me.
I have a high sense of self preservation, any situation that doesn’t serve me well, I take my leave. Men are not worth losing my sense of self worth and confidence. The minute you start dying to please men, it interferes with your feminist politics. I’m also an atheist and men rarely want to be someone that’s Irreligious cos yunno they want a God fearing woman, which I’m not.
This path is so lonely that I’ve lost friends and family so it’s not far-fetched to want to be alone because people would not see your worth.
The main thing is that I want to sacrifice my life for women and girls and I can’t do that properly if I have children and a husband to serve on the side.
I want to die and give my all for women to be free and I must do it alone.
I hope this doesn’t change for any man 😭🖐🏽.
Simbiat
No marriage. No children. No sex. That’s the one I’m practicing. Not having to think of marriage is liberating. Partly because I understand very clearly how the institution doesn’t benefit women. Same with not having children. As a young child I used to worry about pregnancy, and childbirth. The pain that comes with it and all.
As a young adult I worried about how I would combine doing a PhD and managing a marriage and children. As an adult who has unlearned all those desires and expectations, I’m able to focus on my career and personal growth without having to worry about children and marriage.
The “no sex” is more partly because I evolved from “purity culture” to “not trusting men with my body” and knowing how men view sex as an achievement for them.
So mentally, I’m just unable to have sex with men. For how this has been. Women are more likely to have sexual pleasure from masturbation than penetration. So there is no loss there.
The concept of 4B is actually to liberate women from systemic structures that tie them down and give them the opportunity to grow even in a male-centered culture.
Practicing 4B actually does that for me in a monumental way 😊.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.