The Negativity That Is Trad Wife Content

If there is a book more women need to read then that book is definitely Night Dancer which was written by Chika Unigwe, a Nigerian writer and feminist. It is a novel that explores themes like divorce, single parenthood and the ties that bind mothers and daughters in societies that are unforgiving of women’s autonomy.

Without giving too many spoilers in the novel, stories from Night Dancer have also seen me questioning the influx of trad wife content on apps like Twitter and Tiktok. For context, trad wife content is the content that encourages women to give up our right to earn money of ours and to depend on a man financially. 

It may not be directly pushed by wives as some self proclaimed “divine femininity” coaches also push the idea of women altering themselves so we can be made “stay home girlfriends” by rich men. Trad wife and invariably divine femininity content often mock women who are career driven as not “feminine enough” and advocate for women to rely on men financially. This is ironic as they earn from being content creators and family influencers.

But back to Night Dancer by Chika Unigwe. In the novel, the mother of the main character was married to a man who told her to stop working and treated her desire to work as an affront to his masculinity and love for her. 

However, he ended up sleeping and impregnating the underaged maid even when they were having fertility issues. She too became pregnant around the period the maid did and not being able to bear the betrayal, she left the marriage with her daughter.

What saddened me incredibly was how difficult it became for her to care for herself and her child in the aftermath of leaving the marriage. Although she eventually became much richer than her ex-husband, at some point she was at the mercy of men for financial opportunities.

When I see women on social media downplaying women who speak on the importance of financial independence and freedom, I think of the above scenario from Night Dancer and how easily it could have been any woman.

Away from even divorce and separation, why are we normalising the idea of women not pursuing our dreams, goals and aspirations? Even if wanting a financially stable partner is normal and okay, where are the conversations on how women may be married rich and seeing riches all around them and still never be able to fully access those riches?

Furthemore, why does any criticism of trad wife content get chalked down to “feminism is about choice?”. Where are the conversations of how older women who lived the trad wife life experience resentment and no clear cut money of theirs when all the kids grow up and while their husbands too have grown in wealth and friendships?

Again, why is it that hardly anyone discusses the irony of how single mothers will work and raise children but marriage which is supposed to be a partnership of more than one person often sees only one person being made to sacrifice dreams even by systemic situations?

Speaking with Idayat*, a brand strategist and designer she says that trad wife content is harmful for the simple fact that the world needs women’s innovation too.

In her words: “I think that being a trad wife is harmful to women’s rights and progress because it gives patriarchy more talking points and more means to subjugate women. It is harmful because men can then depend on women’s “willingness” to succumb to patriarchal ideals in order to further oppress women. The world needs women’s innovation too. It can’t be gotten from being at home. I think economic equality (a very important aspect) is very very important. Women can’t stay at home.

So content about trad wife is harmful because it makes women think they don’t have to participate in society building and make all the decisions that allow us function, therefore women end up not contributing to economics, politics, law, etc.

I don’t know any woman [who believes in trad wife content] in real life but I saw a woman online that said she wanted a man she could turn off her brain with. I’m assuming that extends to working too. 

Because when you turn off your brain, it means you have become a human caricature and this is negative. Divine femininity content is giving men more ammunition to be oppressive to women. Because it makes them think they can be alpha males who can look down on women who don’t have brains.

Trad wife content pushes that the world can do without women’s innovation, which is not right. Trad wife content cages women. Trad wife content takes away the right of women to participate in society as fully equipped talented humans. Trad wife content isn’t because they love women, it’s because they think women shouldn’t be anything while men are available. Trad wife content is promoting a world where women are just breeders and labourers.”

For Aliyah, she argues that at the core of it, trad wife content strips women of our right to have an ambition.

To quote her: “The very foundation of the traditional wife is her subservience to her husband. You should build a home and rely on your husband to provide finances. Just stay home and raise your children. Don’t have ambitions beyond your home. And so we have women whose entire lives are dependent on the generosity and benevolence of a man. Which everyone knows is a dangerous thing to depend on. 

Divine feminine peddlers on the other hand truly believe that everything a woman wants will come to her if she behaves dainty and feminine. If she’s delicate and breakable and in need of protection. She supplies the demand for men’s needs to be “protectors”. We have two extreme ends that tell women to always depend on men. We have women cursing feminism for making women “work”. As if women haven’t been working all this time. 

I think that in regards to solutions, it all boils down to having common sense. Women have to ask themselves why they’re the ones expected to abandon their whole life and make building a home and family their new personality. That if tending to a home and family is not work, why are people making millions a year doing it? 

I understand that societal indoctrination works extra hard on women but I need women to tend the fires of curiosity and question everything.”

It is important that women as a group criticise the things that aim to strip us of our ability to access dignity.

The truth is trad wife content not only limits women’s ability to earn but also tells women to celebrate our chains. And that? That must be questioned if we are to see real progress.