Jealousy is an emotion that every human being is bound to feel at some point in their lives.
Women are not exempt as jealousy in friendship circles can lead to the loss of a friendship.
In our latest listicle, Urban Woman Magazine asked some women to share their experiences of navigating jealousy and comparison towards a friend.
Read their responses below.
C
Oh this is my song.
I think as someone who is struggling with just navigating capitalism, most of my peers broke in quite early, and they’re doing really well.
They work so hard, put their all, and that’s all really.
It doesn’t revolve around me, it is their sweat, their determination, it doesn’t take away from my experience with capitalism, job market or navigating rejections.
I can hold space to cheer and be happy, while simultaneously being down on how stagnant I feel because it is really not connected in anyway.
N
I don’t know if this counts as jealousy and he’s not my friend. But I came across his short story and listened to his podcast appearances in 2022, copied his bio and edited it with my name into my Google Docs.
I’ve since published my own works, became a fellow thrice and have appeared on two podcasts. 🤕
It’s normal to feel small in comparison to someone but I’d rather use that energy to push myself because what can’t I do really?
M
When I was in 100 level, I had a close circle of friends, my roommate, and a few other girls on my block. We did everything together even though we were in different departments. We ate, studied, and basically moved as a unit. I was especially close to one of them; we shared everything, and I genuinely thought our bond would last through university.
But towards the end of that session, things changed. A misunderstanding spiralled, and suddenly, the same people I called friends were calling me names and shutting me out. It hurt deeply, not just because of the words, but because I couldn’t understand how quickly things fell apart.
For a while, I compared myself to them and wondered if I wasn’t “enough” or if I had done something wrong to deserve that kind of treatment. But with time, I realized that comparison and resentment only make you lose your peace. Healing came when I started focusing on my growth and my goals.
Now, whenever I see someone doing well, especially a former friend, I remind myself that their journey doesn’t threaten mine. There’s enough light for everyone to shine. My advice? Feel your feelings, but don’t stay stuck in them. Celebrate your friend genuinely, then channel that energy into your own purpose. Your time and story are unfolding as well. 💗
J
Jealousy is quite normal. What you do with it is the important part.
- I charge it to the game. Why am I jealous of this person? Do I want what they have? How can I get it? I have been jealous of a friend’s work ethic and the certainty surrounding her career path in the past.
- Have friends who don’t trigger your feelings of being left behind. The reason a lot of people are jealous of their friends and act out is because they are scared that their friend will abandon them. Be it having a partner and ignoring them more, or a vertical mobility in social class and you can no longer afford what they can.
- I have been jealous of my friends before, but it is a fleeting feeling. I never let it linger. And I recognize that it is jealousy so it doesn’t escalate.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.