One of my favourite works of fiction is Joys of Motherhood, written by Buchi Emecheta, the late Nigerian writer, playwright, and social worker.
It is a book that explores the difficulties of motherhood, the importance of sisterhood and the necessity of women having identities that are not solely linked to being wives or mothers.
Recently, I also realised that Joys of Motherhood explores how young boys grow up to be sexist by observing the actions of older men around them.
For one, Nnu Ego’s son Oshia internalised the idea that he was Godsent because there were people all around him, implying that female children were less than. This was to the point where he was rude to his father’s second wife when she asked him to partake in household domesticities.
That book may have been set in pre-independence Nigeria, but its message is very important to Nigeria today, especially in light of how information spreads fast in the social media age.
Several feminist women have pointed to the rise of incel culture and red pill content on social media.
It is important to note that there are young boys watching the blatant abuse and harassment of women on social media. Young boys are observing how older men are creating websites tagged “Patriarchy FC” and watching women’s nude pictures being leaked. It is not rocket science should these teenage boys grow into men who cannot stand a woman who is assertive and demands to be seen as human.
Social media is one aspect. There are several offline methods that are used to teach young boys that women are inferior.
A very glaring example of this is the issue of catcalling and street harassment of women. When young boys observe that women can casually be harassed, with no one confronting the men who do so, it sends a message that women’s bodies are fair game.
When young boys see that they have a neighbour who beats his wife while the entire community either unlooks or blames her, even if they are in homes where women are not beaten, they may end up being men who ignore women’s full autonomy.
And why does any of this exist? Why is it that the people who ask feminists what they do for boys when female-only scholarships are discussed never actually think of mentoring young men in ways that are healthy for society?
Why is it so normalised for young men and boys to talk down on women’s bodies in things like menstruation, and instead of being corrected, they know that they can receive solidarity from the older men they learnt it from? Would we truly have solidarity and women’s freedom if boys keep growing up in sexist societies? How do we end this cycle of inequality and injustice?
Speaking with Idayat, a writer and designer, she said: “Yeah, the thing about raising male children is you can raise them properly at home, and they will go out, and peer pressures would change them.”
Raheemat, a writer and feminist, believes that older men use shaming tactics to instil misogyny in younger men.
In her words: “You see, when older men are gathered, the misogyny there is alarming. Bring younger men and boys into the mix; nothing good comes from it. While younger men might want to be progressive with issues concerning women, you have older men telling them, “This is not how you handle a woman”.
Words like “women wrapper” are often thrown around by these men.
Trust me, if men amongst themselves have conversations about how women are full human beings, not inferior or superior to men, it will go a long way in reducing sexism. It goes a long way if older men are having healthy conversations about women with their sons and other younglings.”
To have a truly just world, the values of freedom and fairness must be taught to young boys and girls.
Older men who pass on misogyny must be severely called out because their actions ensure that the work of feminists never moves forward in the next generation.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.