At several points in our lives as women and humans, we would feel the need to sit down with people and advise them. Be it characters in a book or reality TV stars, the urge to straighten out other people’s lives does not leave anyone.
But what happens when the need to advise people is directed homewards and towards the women we call family? What happens when you watch female cousins for instance make decisions that you cannot understand?
How do you redirect your sister or mother or aunt into a sensible path without losing the thread of familial relationship?
In our latest piece, to try to answer these questions, Urban Woman Magazine asked some women to share the women in their families they would love to advise and what they would be telling them.
Read their responses below.
EK
For my mother, LEAVE THAT MAN BEFORE YOU DIE.
IZ
I’ll advise my mum to not give birth to 3 whole children for my father.
Infact, don’t give birth at all.
That man was a damn whore who didn’t care for sacrifices made for him. I’ll advise my sister to not get pregnant during her teens.
Yes the child is adorable, but the child hinders her a lot.
OT
I genuinely don’t have any advice. This is because all of the women before me chose themselves eventually.
So maybe to the younger generation I’ll say see the lives our mothers lived, we have to end up better than them and not make the same mistakes.
Shine your eyes if you want to marry, don’t settle like they did and just like they did have your own bastard money.
EY
This is so funny. I would love to advice my sister in law but my people say dog wey go lost no go hear Hunter whistle. A whole 37 year old, you go get belle for a broke married man? Remove this thing, you say no. You will take care of the baby. You that neither has a job nor wants to work. You go too suffer my dear. 😂😂😂
I’ll also tell my mum to have 2 kids like her husband said he wanted. Instead she had 4 kids because she wanted to prove to her in laws she’s fertile and those ones no even send her and her children. 🤣
NE
Them get bad mouth for my family I no dey advice anybody.
AO
My aunt.
I would tell her that infertility doesn’t make her any less of a woman, she is a complete woman and shouldn’t let anyone make her feel like less. A woman’s worth is not measured by whether or not she has children, she is so valuable, she is enough just by existing.
TY
I have nothing to tell anybody, make dem go astray.
We go jam for family meeting.
AE
I’d tell my mother to make sure she gets that degree. To not stop because of one hurdle or the other. I’d tell her to keep going till she gets the degree, and I’d advise her to even go further.
BO
My cousin.
You all know I brought her matter here some months back bah?
She don go back to the man óò.
Now our aunt (who we live with) is aware of the situation. She as per good mother, gave her ultimatum to dump the guy (it’s not a 6 year relationship people, it’s gonna be 10 years this year). Sis said no.
The nigga stopped contacting us as soon as he got to know my cousin lost her job.
I don’t know. But make I mind my business after all – I no even get man, as she told me a while back 🌚🌚🌚
OY
My mum. It is not an advice in the strict sense but a word of encouragement.
I would tell her that I’m very proud of her.
Life’s been really tough so it probably looks like there’s not much to be grateful for but you are living the life you once begged and prayed for.
You left an unhappy marriage, are running your own business, your life is peaceful, your female child went to university and graduated well.
The uneducated woman who dreamed of seeing her child in an NYSC khaki saw that dream come to pass before her very eyes. Iya Oba, you really are living the life and I’m so proud of you.
CE
I will tell her that marriage is a lifetime commitment.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.