Although some women do find healing and peace in religious spaces and in faith based practices, one must also never shy away from the fact that these spaces also double as avenues for misogyny.
In our latest listicle, Urban Woman Magazine asked some women to share the most outrageous things they have ever heard about women in churches, mosques and faith based institutions generally.
Read their responses below.
SN
They told your good sis to stop reading Quran aloud because her voice was seducing the MSS Amir. As a resident fresh voice person, I went to school mosque to join the Islamiyyah sessions there.
Only for the amira to draw me aside two days later to tell me that the Amir was enjoying the voice a little too much. And maybe I can read in my mind or you know, find a women only islamiyya.
LM
Has to be where a preacher (General Overseer of my family church) said that if a woman had a covenant with God, and her husband finds out about the covenant and is unhappy about it, that the husband has the spiritual authority to cancel the covenant his wife had with God, and God will agree with the husband, even though the wife still wishes to continue with her covenant.
I swear to God I nearly went mad that day. That was the day I decided finally that me and religious men can never be together. Not even in the next life cause that man quoted a Bible verse (that I have now forgotten), which supported his stance.
MA
On one fateful Mother’s Day in my church, the Reverend preached about how even though our church ordains women, he cannot allow a woman to climb “his” pulpit.
Mind you, I’m a Presbyterian. On Mother’s Day, the mothers are in charge of all the activities – choir, praise and worship, preaching, everything.
This is the same for children on Children’s Day, or youths on PYPAN Emphasis Sunday, or girls when it’s CGIT Sunday. Sometimes female elders preach on random Sundays.
He unilaterally decided that this would not happen in his dispensation. He was the reverend of our parish for 4 years and in all that time, no woman preached on Sunday.
If he would not be available, he mandated a male junior reverend to do it.
That he chose Mother’s Day to make this point was jarring to me. So many times during that message I almost stood up and left. I kept scoffing and rolling my eyes, I have never been so angry in church.
I think that was the beginning of the end of me taking religious men seriously.
EK
It was said that we women must dress modestly, so that it won’t lead our brothers astray. That modesty gives protection from the eye of the wicked.
As a person who has been assaulted before I always get so triggered. Well, I’ve drifted away from the church.
The only reason why I go is because my parents do and I don’t have any way to oblige.
Because the church is the massive protector of degenerate men.
ND
They ban bold colour and flowery hijab because it distracts the men/boys. A personal experience for me was I stopped attending Muslim sermons because it is male scholars that are talking about those topics; imagine talking about menstruation, sex, marriage, relationship from the perspective of a man when these are issues that women are facing.
IK
The most outrageous thing that I’ve heard was when my pastor then was lecturing about submissiveness and as the discussion proceeded, it got to the point where they (male elders in the church) said women were the cause of their husbands attitude towards them including cheating and domestic violence. They tried defending themselves saying they didn’t support it but women should watch their behaviors. Some women kind of supported them but I was livid.
I raised my hands to speak and clocked their nonsense. At one point, the pastor said the lecture would have to stop because of time but I made sure to let them know what they said was rubbish.
I was not surprised though because when this same pastor’s daughter’s boyfriend came to the church for the anniversary, I saw her go down on both of her knees in public to give him food. I knew it was what he had been teaching her.
Basically what I do is cherry-pick. I do not engage in unfeminist things and I question decisions and I’m not silenced. The church I attended then was very key on things like Women do not enter the altar, women do not preach on Sundays, women do not lead prayers on Sunday and I made sure to question them considering the majority of attendees were females.
Reminds me of the incident where this guy who could not read was asked to read the Bible verses for prayers because he was the only available man. He kept on reading Psalm 24 because he knew it off his head. There were many women who could have done this cos they could read but chose someone who could not read because he was a man. I sha went outside the church because I was vexed.
AN
– That women hold the priesthood too but their own is silent, so they can’t have any leadership positions in the church apart from heading other women. But “it’s okay because the silent one is the most powerful one”.
– ”You have to cover your body so you don’t tempt brothers. Imagine if brothers are tempted by this your dressing and do something to you”. Meanwhile, we Dey beach and Na better padded bikini top with bum short I wear. I could even see the dick print of “brothers”. But Na me dem use preach for the next conference instead, because yunno, “don’t tempt brothers”😝
– ”You can’t dye your hair and sing in the choir. You will be drawing attention to yourself with this hair and your piercings. You need to wear a wig and take out your piercings if you want to sing”. I eventually sang without doing any of that, and one of the “leaders” propositioned me after the service because I was a “radiant beauty that stood out”😝
These are the ones I can remember off the top of my head.
FA
I attended a CAC church once where the pastor was preaching about what happens after death.
He said women are made from the ribs of men so when a woman dies she returns to the ribs of the man from whom she was created, which is her husband.
So if the husband goes to hell she goes there too and if he goes to heaven, then she goes to heaven too.
He crowned it all by saying women must work hard to ensure their husbands go to heaven as they cannot get to heaven without him.
Hallelujah.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.