The journey of being a mother is one that often is surrounded in mystery, lack of information or outright disrespect even from the children born to these mothers.
From the children who only remember their mother when it is time to praise her sacrifices to the sons who fantasize about their wives having seven kids just like their mothers, it is important that we hear from mothers themselves about what motherhood and in particular the labour experience is like.
To answer this question, Urban Woman Magazine asked some mothers to share their labour experiences.
Read their responses below.
EO
My labor started the day before birth as mild cramps, went to the hospital but they said it wasn’t time yet, I was 3 days early and I should be patient.
Around midnight, the labor started full force, or so I thought 😭. It felt like someone was screwing through my insides, I couldn’t sleep at all. Next day I went to the hospital again but they sent me to a lab to confirm’, the said lab was like 5 bus stops away.
The lab gave my due date as the next day, but I was already in so much pain. When I got down from the bus to return to the hospital, the labor pains intensified, I literally couldn’t move until it passed. The breaks in between the pain started to get shorter and they sent me to a ward to wait, the nurses kept giving me different advice, one said to lie down and the moment I did, another came in and said walking around is better, but it had to be more of a shuffle while holding on to the bed because the pain at that point felt like I was being nailed to the floor from the inside.
Eventually they moved me to the labor room around 4pm, and I wanted to sit up because I had heard it was easier but they made me lie down because according to them I would sit on the baby’s head. The pain kept increasing and the breaks got shorter but the attitude of the nurses made it worse. They kept acting like I was inconveniencing them with my prolonged labor and they actually said it, one said I should hurry up so she can go and eat and they kept discussing among themselves and laughing as I was screaming on the table.
Only one nurse was nice, her name was Tope and I’ll never forget her. She massaged my tummy and soothed me, but unfortunately I almost hit her because there’s a point in labor where the slightest touch is irritating and my hand lashed out. Thankfully it didn’t hit her but I was so mortified that I started crying again and apologizing. Eventually they realized that my labor was going on too long and called a doctor, he prescribed a drug to induce labor pains and left.
In spite of that, I still couldn’t push her out and the doctor kept coming back to check and wondering aloud what was wrong. In the middle of all that my water broke and that was when I started to get scared because I knew my baby could die, so I asked for a c-section, and after confirming from my dad, they prepped me for surgery.
They took off all my clothes and when I tried to protest they sneered and asked what I was covering up for. I woke up as they were finishing up the stitches and I couldn’t hear my baby so I started to panic, but then I heard my dad shouting in the hallway asking where I was. So apparently they had taken my baby to a ward and he walked in and assumed the worst. So I told them to tell him I was okay and I got wheeled out. The recovery is another story because it was hell.
Something I always think about is that maybe I should have stood my ground on the position I wanted to give birth in. I also carried shame for years because I gave birth via c-section even when I knew that was probably the only way as my cervix was small.
I would advise women not to give birth, because that shit sucks, and unless you have an extraordinary man, the changes it would make to your body would make him look down on you. I got bodyshamed by my dad after I gave birth, and I tried to kill myself twice, when she was 3 months and 6 months. The postpartum depression was not as bad as I’ve read, but maybe that was because I already knew about it because I remember locking myself in the bathroom so I wouldn’t hurt her.
CA
When I was pregnant I was always hearing how painful labor and delivery would be but nothing prepared me for the hell that I would go through.
It was the worst day of my life. The pain is…think of it as someone stabbing and stabbing repeatedly with a hot knife in your vagina and twisting the knife repeatedly too. At the same time and in all this it’s like you’re stepping on needles or hot coals; everywhere aches, your body doesn’t know you and the child keeps forcing itself out of you like b**** I didn’t even want you in the first place.
My water broke at 2:00 a.m. I was asleep and I felt liquid trickling down my legs and I thought I was peeing. It’s also funny to know that I was dreaming about being kissed and I woke up and realized I have water coming down and it wasn’t pee. Thankfully I had packed my baby bags and believe me I walked to the hospital because I was too nervous to tell my neighbors that I was going into labor. I walked all the way to the hospital and by the time I got there, I don’t know how I did it but I was so exhausted.
The nurses were so nonchalant. They told me to relax and that I wasn’t the first woman in the world to give birth and more degrading comments like we weren’t there when you were having sex so don’t disturb us or are you the first woman in the world to do it and you are making noise.
I was in so much pain that I was at this point asking for sleeping pills. I didn’t want to face all the pain. At daybreak by say eight my neighbours showed up. It was a Sunday so they brought food for me and kept me company. I drank so much coffee I think I was high to the point where I was laughing and crying at the same time.
Then the doctor came for his rounds and asked that I be given a shot of oxytocin. I don’t want to go into full details but it was hell on Earth. I screamed for God to take me at that point. I was in labor for 19 hours. I don’t know how I didn’t pass out but somehow I had a baby girl weighing 3.5 kg.
The first thing I did after having the baby was drink cold water because ah! I can’t even talk about the constant slaps they were giving me because I was losing consciousness or the fact that I was almost pooping and vomiting a child from my vagina and at the same time my entire body felt so violated.
Postpartum was even hell. I looked at my daughter and I asked myself why don’t babies have eyebrows. Newborns are so ugly. The only thing I would give or tell new moms or pregnant women is that at every point again choose your self. I beg you if you cannot have a vaginal birth, choose a C-section. There is no difference. There is no Hebrew woman and it’s every woman for herself in the Labor room so keep fighting for yourself. Please ensure they remove your placenta gently so that it doesn’t break.
Take your drugs. Focus on your mental health and I promise you if your body tells you to arrange your room when you’re like three days to labor, please arrange it. If your body tells you please get up my own is get up. If your body tells you anything please listen. If your body is uncomfortable, listen to it.
Postpartum is even worse because people like you to be happy and joyful when the babies are here. But sometimes you know joyful and you don’t know the stranger that’s looking at you calling itself your child.
Forgive yourself too. You just brought life into the world so take one day at the time because there’s no first to born. Be generous with yourself, don’t eat sushi, don’t eat raw egg but you can eat any other nonsense your body is craving. I ate spoiled egusi so I can’t even judge you. I even ate undone yam. There are no joys of motherhood. It’s just pain and more pain and sacrifice and you have a smart mouth in the end.
But one thing I can promise you is that when you look at your bundle of joy, I promise you he or she would make it worth it in the end.
Above all your body would change after having a baby so don’t allow anyone to make you feel insecure about it.
CB
Pregnancy though my OBGYN said or called it a smooth process, for me it wasn’t. My life and rhythm was lost, words can’t describe the journey. The change in taste buds, heartburn, waist pain etc. The vaginal tugging and all, sleeping on one side to the point your arm feels paralyzed; sometimes I lost the will to live🥹🤦🏽♀️ yet it was called smooth. So I wondered what complicated will look like.
Then labor was like hell, I was in labor for two days, then had a C section. That saying that immediately you see your baby you forget the pain is a very big lie women tell. After birth you are literally fighting to stay alive. I didn’t think or ask of my baby. I was miserable, and the pain after was as though I was on fire. The crying, sleepless night started which welcomed me to a new and different reality that I didn’t see coming.
I suffered postpartum depression. I almost ran out of the house in the middle of the night, didn’t know nor have where I was going to, hormones, pain both physical, mental and emotional.
My baby daddy instead of been kind was requesting for ways I can pleasure him, and counting down to 6 weeks and despite not been ready he kept forcing himself on me. I endured the pain and horror just for peace and yet he beat me up to the point he pulled my hair from my scalp.
I am happy I am okay now and also out of his house with my child.
NB: You don’t get to love your baby immediately, and that’s fine. The love comes with time. Also women should stop lying and making light of this whole process. It’s fine to say it the way it is. That doesn’t make you inadequate but a human that is experiencing what no one can explain.
Also be very sure that you want a child because nothing prepares you for what happens during and after birth. It’s better done alone than with a wrong partner.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.