There are some stories that have become etched in my mind’s eye because they formed the building blocks to the feminist values that I hold today.
They made me stop sitting on the fence or trying to be politically correct about the fact that things like modesty, sexual purity and doctrines of submission actually translate to violence against women who do not conform or cannot even conform.
In one, I read a story in Mona Eltahawy’s book titled Headscarves and Hymens and it saw a pivotal shift in how I viewed modesty doctrines even for me as a woman who was raised Christian. She spoke on how a school was burning and there were girls in it.
However, the girls were considered “naked” because they were not wearing hijabs and as such they were not rescued. These girls were left to burn to death because patriarchy and particularly religious patriarchy was uncomfortable with girls who did not have headscarves being seen and rescued by male firefighters.
I have often thought of the cruelty of that story when I need a reminder that judging women based on how “covered” we are has devastating consequences.
Modesty doctrines affect women in literally every sphere of society and the bad thing is that you cannot conform enough.
In the marketplace, you can wear a boubou gown but because you did not wear a bra, you will be insulted.
In the office, you can wear a fitted skirt and the head of human resources will call you to a meeting and tell you that you dressed indecently because the skirt accentuated your bum.
Even in the home, you can be all around your male cousins and your mother will shame you for wearing a bum short and baggy top because to her, that is you asking for their attention to assault you.
The harm of modesty doctrines is that it strips women of our humanity in situations where we have been violated.
I have witnessed even six year old girls who were assaulted being blamed for wearing bumshorts and I cannot but stop and ask myself why all this exists.
Why do we sexualise and police women’s bodies so much to the point that even babies are told to wear headscarves? Why are we policing women’s bodies to start with and making a woman’s body one that must be covered up or at most presented in a certain way for men to see? Who does this benefit?
To fully understand the harm of modesty doctrines, I asked three women to share their thoughts. Below are their responses.
Sapphire
I believe modesty cannot be isolated from more complex and often patriarchal practices. The idea of being covered up stems from presenting yourself as a “good” woman for society, which ultimately means being chosen by a man. The burden of modesty is placed more on the women. And then everything you do is related back to a man. I’m currently bald and people tell me it drives some men away and then people consider me “wild and bad” because they think for me not to care about repulsing men, I must be “bad” which is being sexually active or queer, at its best.
I also think it promotes rape culture because when you defy the expectations to be covered up, you’re asking for it. And so, some women like to feel important thinking they are safe, when nothing protects you from misogyny at the end of the day. And so even women contribute to asking: “What were you wearing?”.
Some might claim they do it for religious purposes, but I still believe that it’s imbalanced and don’t buy into it.
I’ll only judge what you wear if it’s wrong for the occasion, and I wouldn’t even care after a second.
Crystal
The problem with modesty is the assumption that your scale and everyone’s scale is even. What I mean is that everything in life is generally subjective; so one person’s limit is another person’s beginning, and this applies to modesty too.
And since you can’t use one system for the entire populace, you also can’t use a general scale to judge the whole community. Most people would never agree with this though.
For instance, a friend of mine in secondary school was Catholic, and the priest in her church used to talk about how it doesn’t matter what you wear as long as your heart is clean, because God is seeing your heart not your outfit.
Another Catholic Church I know of here in Owerri, the priest used to always castigate women for their dressings. Two different men, same ‘profession’, same basic training, different beliefs.
Basically sha: Na all of us be ashawo. It just depends on what lens you’re being judged through..🤷🏽♀️
Then there’s also the fact that a lot of this “modesty” rhetoric is regurgitated bullshit from men designed to push the blame on women, because it’s always somehow a woman’s fault.
The solution to shaming is to keep doing it, the world will adjust. And if it doesn’t, keep doing it anyway as long as it makes you happy and you’re not hurting anyone.
Personally sha, unless I’m in the mood for something longer, the extent of my ‘modesty’ is dressing past my knees. If you don’t like it, change my wardrobe.
Otherwise, mind the business that pays you instead of mine.
Holly
I do not believe the “modest fashion” industry does that much good because modesty is very relative. Some people think women who wear trousers are immodest while some female content creators include outfits with trousers in their “modest fashion” content.
I remember when Maraji posted a video on YouTube shaming women for wearing what she called ashewo gowns and people were calling her out in her comment section for wearing a sleeveless top which they called indecent.
Countless times I’ve gone to church thinking I’m dressed decently only to be kicked out or even denied Holy Communion.
I think we should keep talking about this. Maybe things will change.
~
It is imperative that the world understands that women’s bodies are not political playgrounds.
Our bodies are ours and ours alone. Therefore, it is of utmost importance that we shame doctrines that imply that women’s assault is because we showed skin.
Modesty is one of such doctrines.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.