In our interactions as humans, we are bound to have lightbulb moments that convince us that we have done enough and need to leave, restart and rebirth.
Be it in a relationship or in dealing with toxic friendships, it is clear that no one can make you leave a situation until you are truly aware and ready to leave.
This can also apply to work situations and the way women interact with jobs and businesses. More often than not, women are raised to be afraid of starting over and this spills into how we navigate workplaces. But some women have overcome that.
Urban Woman Magazine recently spoke to some women and asked them to share the moment they knew to leave a workplace and stop a business.
Read their responses below.
Blessing
Hmm frankly my recent issue made me understand that these decisions are very hard to take.
I was willing to endure a parade of red flags at a company just so I could earn something big.
Making these decisions requires supportive friends and family. To validate all your senses tingling (you’re not overreacting, I promise).
So if you KNOW something is wrong, deep inside, keep telling people until you find *one* person that validates your reaction (might be bad advice but honestly, immediate family almost always advise you endure shit as a woman). Whenever you feel regret, go to that person to remind you why you made that choice.
And I promise, you will be alright. You will be alright.
AG
For me it wasn’t when my boss used to set impromptu meetings (or only I wouldn’t know it’s holding) and ask me questions I don’t have context for so I’d fumble. In one of the last ones, I just didn’t speak when she called me out cause I had nothing to say. I got a query for being insubordinate.
It wasn’t when she got an Nsibidi tattoo like mine in the SAME PLACEMENT and wore long sleeves to work meetings so I wouldn’t see it (and credited a random friend on her stories for the inspiration, a colleague sent me a puzzled screenshot cause she was there when my boss was asking me the meaning of my tattoo and asked me to send her a screenshot of Nsibidi symbols).
It wasn’t when she sent an email to our Group Head to block my being made a permanent staff, telling him I bring nothing to the team (I built the social media and marketing from scratch)
It wasn’t when my line manager reocated but kept her job, so I had to take on most of her responsibilities without the credit or pay.
Anyway, I started to resign but apparently there were already plans to drop me. That job messed with my confidence in my work for a long time.
EB
For me, it was when comparison entered. I was being compared with another person who was also working in the same role.
It was that day I knew I had to call it quits. Also coupled with the fact that I didn’t get a single ounce of joy in it.
While some people can work in places or roles they don’t love, I just can and the moment I realized, I took myself out of it.
An advice would be peace of mind over anything. Also, consider if that job is one you see yourself doing in the next 2-5 years.
I understand the thing of managing till you get your dream role and all but, the mental and emotional exhaustion that comes with bad roles is not something I’d advise anyone to go into for any reason at all.
MA
In February I left a job, it was one of the first jobs I had that I was still holding on to. This year I felt stuck there, there was no growth and it was obvious I was there enduring because of the money. I finally left and it wasn’t easy at first but it is better now.
My friends were really there to support me, they sent me money and food, I didn’t feel it much.
My advice for anyone is to choose your growth and your path, and to not be afraid of leaving a place where you feel stuck.
Anu
I think when it became toxic, I knew I needed to leave. For all the places that I’ve worked at, I think the minute it became toxic, I knew I needed to leave. Now, toxic might not be that they’re doing bad to me. Okay, for the first two places that I left, they were actually doing bad. As in, I was getting panic attacks, I was having anxiety attacks, and I was very, very stressed, right?
My first instance with the toxic workplace was in 2023, and I was there for six months. But those six months were the worst six months of my entire work experience. I was randomly having panic attacks, I was having anxiety attacks every Monday morning when I knew it was the beginning of the week. I was looking forward to the weekend. That was how bad it was. Like, I was always looking forward to the weekend and always dreading Mondays. Like, I did not know I had a problem until when I started crying on Monday mornings. I would rush to the toilet to go and shit. I’d be nervous. That’s the sign of, like, a panic attack. I don’t know. It was really bad.
I would be rambunctious. I would just be uncomfortable from that morning till, like, past two. It was bad. But I think I got better at it when I realized that, okay, I needed to leave this workspace. And so I started planning my exit. And when I finally left that workplace, I took myself to Burger King to buy burger to celebrate it because I was very happy to leave. I was extremely happy to leave. It felt like a sense of relief, right? Once it becomes toxic, I leave.
The second instance happened in 2024. This one was worse. So I was almost suicidal. But the effect was bad because it was just three months, but it was the worst time of my life because I was crying. I would just find myself crying uncontrollably. I was losing weight. I was constantly doubting my intelligence. The funny thing about toxic workplaces is that they may not exactly tell you bad things, but the actions and inactions of the people you work with can trigger a sense of unfulfillment, right? Including your supervisor and whoever it is you’re working with.
I remember the boss of the company, the one I worked with in 2024, telling me because I did something, I submitted a task and they were like, “Aren’t you a university graduate?” It’s more like telling me that, should I be a university graduate? Why am I doing this? Didn’t I go to school? That kind of stuff. Like, we did not exactly interact for all these three months, but the only times I interacted with him, he either made me feel less of myself or, you know, this very, very weird interactions, right? I lost so much weight. Like, the light of my life was literally being snuffed out right in front of my eyes. Those three months were the worst three months of my life. Funny thing is they paid good money. In fact, all the places that I’ve worked at, they paid good money and eventually turned out to be toxic. The ones that did not stress me were the ones that did not pay so much money.
Then the third place, it was not toxic. I just knew that I needed to leave when I just felt like the things they were expecting of me was what I could not deliver. So that’s when I knew that I had to leave. I’m able to still be in close contact with the colleagues that I had in that workplace.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.