The concept of leaving and migration is as old as human history. Whether in search of better economic prospects or in search of a safer place to raise children, humans moved and will continue to move.
People also move away from family homes and for women, the dynamics are a bit different because it is often expected, especially in African countries, that women move from a father’s house to a husband’s house.
However, women are moving away from family homes for a myriad of reasons and for the desire to be full independent adults.
To further interrogate this, Urban Woman Magazine recently asked some women to share why they left home and how they have navigated adulting as women.
Read their responses below.
Jewel
I’ve never felt at “home” living with either of my parents, they both made me feel like an unwanted guest in their respective houses. My parents are separated by the way.
This feeling that there’s a time limit to my stay with them was always in the air and I just couldn’t wait to get a place to call home, my home, not my father’s house, mother’s house or a man’s house.
I lived with my dad during my university years and he made it clear he was done upon my graduation; my mom on the other hand is married and lives in another state, while my stepdad is accommodating, my mom wasn’t, she told me to strive as much as possible to stay with my father, that there’s no space for me in her house.
I can remember I shared this dilemma with my project supervisor then and he advised me to go and get married immediately after school just to have a place to call home. I immediately told him it wasn’t an option.
I will not leave the choice of having a roof over my head in a man’s hand. Anyways, I forcefully moved into my mother’s house and we became rivals; it was obvious I wasn’t welcomed in her husband’s house, according to her.
I managed to spend two years with her and moved out, and I’ve been living on my own since then, and I love it more than anything on earth. We live in the same city but my mom does not know my house, she has begged me over and over again, even called family members to intercede but my decision stands.
Immediately I have money in this life, I’m getting my house. And this reality that it is possible for me as an unmarried woman to own a house came from this popular blogger that got herself a house in Banana Island years ago. I owe this dream of mine to her.
Onyi
I ran away because my life was threatened as a lesbian. On April 22, 2023…my younger brother took my phone and showed my chats to my mom and that’s when it all started. I was asleep as I was on medications and it knocked me out but the slap I got, woke me back to reality.
My mum and my younger brother kept punching me. I tried to escape but the main gate was locked and when I got away, I locked myself in the bathroom for hours. I was there from 2:00 AM to 6:30 AM.
Now, when it looked like everything was calm, I’m Catholic and we have an altar, my parents made me swear with the Bible not to go back to “Lesbianism”.
It was torture. Angel, I have read the Bible but I didn’t think there was a passage or a chapter for curses upon those who are disobedient, Deuteronomy 28:15 – down.
Anyway, I couldn’t stay. My mum accused me of so much. I ran away when I got the chance that same day. They had gone to the church that morning, I packed my bags and went to stay with my best friends.
And since then, I have been living away.
Another great reason I left was the constant reminder everyday that I am 30+ and unmarried. I couldn’t breathe a day, I couldn’t pick up my phone and talk to anyone, I would be called out for wasting my time and not finding a man.
I live with my partner now and it’s blissful.
E
I left home because I didn’t want to die.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.