Birthdays represent new beginnings and the ability to mark milestones that show how far we come. They can also be marked by a desire to do better and be better.
What makes a birthday memorable can be traced to how it is celebrated and the little things others do for us.
In our latest listicle, Urban Woman Magazine asked some women to share their most memorable birthday experiences and how they navigate regrets and expectations that come with growing older.
Read their responses below.
ET
I recently made peace with the fact that where I am in my life journey is a result of being a victim of an abusive upbringing. My dad was constantly putting us down, nothing we did was ever good enough, there was no form of encouragement or moral support. I developed a very low self esteem from a tender age as a result.
While I was book smart, I was too scared to try things out of fear of failing. I wasn’t amassing skills when my mates were, I wasn’t taking risks like they did, I wasn’t socialising and making life long connections either. I was just too scared to interact with real life. The formal education I was hoping would carry me through failed when I flunked through school. Then I had nothing.
I spent my 20s just flopping through life, rawdogging undiagnosed depression, still enduring the abusive environment, trying out several things and giving up at the slightest hint of setback. Even when I found things I loved (like photography and fashion) and was willing to rugged my way through, my dad would once again remind me I had chosen the path of a failure and this stayed with me even after he passed.
This year, I was able to navigate the feelings of not having achieved enough by telling myself it’s okay to embrace where I’m at now and forge a new path. For a long time, I was embarrassed to put myself out there as a fashion designer cos in my head I’m probably supposed to be doing something “more serious” with my life. But fuck it. Nothing about this career path is easy either. And I love it so why waste my time trying to pursue false goals (like when I tried to be a UI/UX designer. Lol) or me trying to go back to University to get another degree to prove I’m not a failure. Who cares?
I’ve decided I’m no longer going to treat what I do as something I’m managing for the mean time and just go full throttle. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t get birthday blues. I had a good day and I love my new age. Cheers to 34!
UZ
I just dey rack my brain. My birthdays are always the highlight of the year for me and I almost cannot relate when people say they are sad on their birthdays. I’m sorry but I don’t know how to be. Of all the days to feel behind, it would definitely not be on my birthday 😭
I’m always so giddy and full of joy every time I remember my birthday. I know it’s unbelievable but I don’t take note of the age I just turn until it’s the middle of the year or when I’m filling forms. I just go ‘oh my god I’m that age now’.
This year now, it’s still about eight months to my birthday and I’m an-ti-ci-pa-ting already 🤭
OM
As for me, birthdays started out as something beautiful to anticipate. It came with giddy feels and what not. This got ruined in the 2010s or so when a parent said something hurting on my birthday, it was so bad that I always hated my birthdays and the feeling of doom that came with it. Getting older has opened me up to enjoying my birthday more and doing whatever the hell i want to with myself on that day.
I haven’t achieved all I want but gosh i am looking forward to being an accomplished woman and not putting pressure on myself is the goal. Cheers to being a 25 yr old beautiful woman.
AH
So I think I tricked myself earlier in life to believe that I hated my birthday but I loved to turn up for my friends the best way I can.
But my 21st changed everything cause I always had this funny fantasy that I would walk into my house with balloons everywhere and like everyone I love would be there. So I decided to make my fantasy close to reality.
I for the first time went on SHEIN and bought a dress (first time I ever bought a dress like that btw) and a pair of strappy sandals because I have always loved shoes so damn much and I thought I had to do this for me.
I invited people I knew would show up to a restaurant, not even my friends that I spoke to everyday but I had one or two familiar faces at the table.
I went the full 9: make up, hair, did my lashes for the first time and everything.
It was legit a wonderful night and I’m still super grateful to those babes cause it could’ve been just another night out for them (cause they were party girls but my classmates) but man it was such a magical night for me cause it really made me feel I could be anything if I was willing to create it.
I feel that made me transition to a space of confidence.
As for getting older, I always seemed to want to be an adult 😂. I had this understanding that I would be sooo polished a woman at 30(real time aunty vibes throwing money at problems type shit).
I’m turning 24 this year and most days I feel like a toddler learning how to walk for real it’s stressful but I’ve learnt to really go with it cause like how else does one create an experience.
So to more birthdays that I would be trying to create more moments with more people who are proximal to me or not because my birthday matters like mad bruh. It’s the day I was fucking born.
I hug the version of myself that felt undeserving at that time to feel the day I came on this earth wasn’t worth celebrating and I hope to make more money to not stress about financing my dream.
SY
My birthday is my favorite day of the year, literally. And I think it’s because of how I grew up. My whole family, nuclear and extended makes a huge deal out of it. In my mum’s house, you’re the ruler of the house on your birthday, credit alerts will be coming in from everybody that knows my mummy, my mom even used to throw the most epic parties when we were younger, but alas.
So yeah, favorite day ever. We even used to have a running joke one time about how it’s the only time we could probably get away with murder in my mum’s eyes.😂😂
I rarely ever really clock that I’m getting older, for me it’s just another day to be spoilt more than the normal days.
And really, unless I’m talking about it, then I’m like damn I don dey old o, but I actually am looking forward to getting older. I mean between my baby face and the way the whole family pampers me, the only serious difference is that they’re mentioning marriage more now.
Only thing I’m scared of is that they’ll stop sending me birthday money when I’m like 30 or something, but other than that? I really really love my birthdays. Can’t wait to blow so I can make a whole production of it.🤭🤭🤭
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.