Mother-daughter relationships have long been the site of debate, conversations and even controversies in feminist discourse.
From those who advocate that mothers should be shown more grace to those who insist that patriarchal mothers need to be called out more.
One thing is clear: The presence or absence of the mother and the quality of the mother figure in a woman’s life can make or mar her.
However, it is important to note that even patriarchal mothers can give feminist leaning advice. Sometimes as warnings. Sometimes as complaints against their condition in marriage.
It is not only explicitly feminist mothers who give advice that can be termed feminist to their daughters.
Urban Woman Magazine recently asked women to share the feminist advice from their mothers that they are never ever discarding.
Read their responses below.
Elohor
“Boys don’t get pregnant.”
Zi
She always said how her certificate and education saved her from depending on my father and how she was happy she went against his word of not working “because as woman e good to get something for yourself, as em leave us now how we for manage if I no get work”.
Ni
Women also have their lives to live.
Margaret
My mum told me to decenter men/my husband a long time ago, but not in the same words. She said you cannot live your whole life and give your whole heart to a man because he will disappoint you and you might not recover from the heartbreak.
Years later I get what she means now. I know that advice came from a place of self preservation and not necessarily feminism, but she’s one of my my feminist icons for how she lives her life.
NS
My mum said to only have the number of kids I can take care of by myself. She said no matter the pressure, if I cannot afford more than 1, I shouldn’t.
For context, this is my foster mum. My biological mum’s younger sister.
She is more feminist leaning than my biological mum. She also said to be comfortable with being called a bad woman. That we will all become bad women eventually, so I might as well get used to it.
Blessing
“Money stops nonsense. Money gives freedom. No matter what your husband or anybody has, have your own money.”
My stepmom na witch ooo, but I live by that till this day.
Hannah
I think my mom’s life and struggles were some of the defining things that sparked my feminism and activism.
Growing up, my dad was the sole provider for the house and my mom didn’t do much but she has always been passionate about working and has always done something alongside because she was a hard worker.
I remember when she wanted to start her food business, my dad was against it and he made a fuss about it. But she went on regardless and shortly he lost his job and my mom became the sole provider. She literally carried the house.
One day, before I went to the university, she sat me down and told me that I should ensure I have money and gain financial independence. That there’s nothing wrong with you as a woman building your house, having your car, going for your masters and even PhD before getting married.
I saw how being financially independent helped her and she consciously instilled this into me. Never since I left school has she pressured me by asking me to bring husband or get married. She has always been supportive of my projects anyways she can.
Having a mother that pushes back against norm, that is resilience, that stands up for people’s rights and is a bag chaser has truly shaped my life.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.