There are different moments from a woman’s childhood that can make her decide how her future should look like. From seeing a mother experience domestic violence to living in a family that was mocked for not having a son, numerous things bolster a sense of gender awareness in women.
In our latest article, Urban Woman Magazine asked some women to share the moments from their childhoods or families that made them determined to be financially free.
Read their responses below.
AK
It hit me like a ton of bricks when I was 16, that if I ever wanted to live life on my own terms I needed to be out of that house and for that I needed money.
Medical school kept me out of the house for 8 years. I started building a career online and making some money here and there. Now that I’m done, I’ve chosen to live in a different city from my parents. While I don’t collect money from them
anymore, I’m also not fully independent yet. I still need to earn wayyyy more than I am earning now to at least afford rent.
But by God’s grace, I will never live with them again.
Anietem
When my mother’s then-husband stripped her of her finances, cars, connections, etc. In the name of “keeping the peace” and “being a homemaker”. My mother went from footing the whole family’s bills and sponsoring her brothers abroad, to not being able to afford my school fees by the time I was 10.
By 11/12, I made a solemn vow to never have to rely on anybody for money ever in my life + being able to afford the type of life I really want BY MYSELF.
I’m not where I want to be at all, and a lot of times it makes me really sad. But I always remind myself of where I’m going and the type of life I’d like to live, so I try to be hopeful. And remind myself that nobody will ever be able to treat me like that.
OZ
One comes to mind.
During my teenage years my stepmom was fond of refusing my money requests. In fact I didn’t go to most end of year parties because she’d never ever agree. Dad was always absent, and even when he was there, I couldn’t because she’d threatened me not to.
Only unavoidable things like school fees or lab fees were sure (dad paid directly).
In Ss2 I was a prefect, so attendance at the end of year party was mandatory. For months, I’d painstakingly saved up for the event from my daily 30 naira allowance for snacks. I had got ₦250, the fee was ₦500, and I felt it would be less of a burden for her. I even expected to get a pat on my back as Omoluabi saver, shey (like in the movies). Lmao.
She yelled at me. Actually yelled. Swore I wouldn’t go. Ranted about the audacity I had to save from my snack allowance.
Anyway, I explained to my teachers and one of them eventually paid the balance. I didn’t even tell her I was going, I wore a uniform and packed native in my bag that day.
I later told my aunt and you know what she said?
That I didn’t explain better why I had to go to the event. That I didn’t present myself properly.
In hindsight I’m still angry. These days she brags about her son’s saving prowess. I just nod and pass.
And since then I swore that any money that enters my hand is for me alone first. If they (meaning family) ask, and I think I can, I will. But I’ll never give at my own expense. Never will I be at the mercy of anyone who would deprive me of good things solely because I dared ask.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.