The Pet To Threat Phenomenon and How It Affects Women More

One of the best books I read last year was Dear Alaere which was written by Eriye Onagoruwa, a Nigerian writer and corporate executive. 

It is a book that gives an indepth look into how workplace harassment can affect the possibility of women’s growth and career trajectory.

I also liked how it told the story of Lagos through the eyes of an Ijaw woman and covered the effects of infertility struggles on women’s wellbeing.

A while ago I was reminded of the novel when I came across a thread on Twitter which was discussing workplace harassment and particularly what is called the “Pet to Threat” phenomenon. 

In this scenario which often affects women more, a woman gets a new job and is loved by almost everyone. However, after a while and after she becomes better at her job and increasingly more assertive, the very people who gushed over her will start seeing her as a threat and will become very vindictive towards her.

It is a scenario that as said earlier affects women more because as women grow in their careers, more people who hold the keys to career growth and promotions expect that women should not want more.

It is not only in the area of promotions that this phenomenon shows up. It can show up when women desire to use the benefits that come with working. For instance, a woman who just had a baby and wants to use the full extent of her maternity leave or a woman who lost a parent and wants to take a paid leave. 

Even though these things are mentioned as her right in her contract, some workplaces may consider her as vindictive for actually wanting it and it may lead to her losing her job.

And why is that? Why is it that women do not have any form of respite in society? 

Why is it that people peddle the lie that the workplace is free of the encumbrances of gender inequality when in actual fact women’s experiences as workers are defined by gendered harassment and abuse? 

Why is it that women in general are made to feel guilty for wanting more in and out of office spaces? Why is it that workplaces are not expected to have active policies that protect the rights of mothers and women from losing their jobs after propagating humankind?

To further understand the Pet To Threat phenomenon and workplace harassment in general, I spoke to a few women.

See their responses below.

Nini*

When I started working at the bank, I had a female manager and she was the best. She helped me get a place when traffic was making me come late to work, she would carry to and from work Mon to Fri and whenever we worked weekends. She even helped me during lockdown. However, there was another female manager who didn’t like that. 

The former left the bank and this new one became my manager. It was a horrible 2 years for me. I had several mental breakdowns in the space of 6 months. I lost weight and began to doubt myself. I stopped dressing well to work because she would make snide comments whenever I had an issue relating my dressing to my mistakes. It became so bad that I would have panic attacks before going to work. I wasn’t sleeping or eating well and I developed insomnia. She was a premium gas lighter.

I later found out that she was jealous of the praises I was getting as one of the fastest learners and that the bank was planning to make me a full staff. She also had issues with the branch CSM, so she was trying to overtake his position and since he liked me and some others she made it her mission to frustrate all of us. 

Three of them resigned in less than three months of each other and the branch became a warzone. I was doing the work of 5 people and she made it seem like I wasn’t doing enough. 

It was a traumatic time for me and it continued to affect me for months after I left. Even at my new job, the experience affected how I related to my new colleagues for over a year. I had to go to therapy because of her. 

I won’t say I’m grateful for the experience but it helped me clock when my new admin manager was trying to move like her and I nipped it in the bud. 

The experience has made me too leery of people and their intentions and I hate that.

T-Girl*

My boss started being toxic to me. He makes excuses for my male colleagues and says things like “he’s evolving or growing which is normal”, when it’s my turn he’ll say “I don’t expect certain things from you, when it’s time to evolve or grow I’ll let you know. You just can’t question my authority”. But all I do is ask questions and he says I’m rude in return. I’m not a child which he’s aware of but I just can’t act and speak in certain ways.

E

Thank you for this question. It’s a scenario that many women face in the workplace. For me, it involved recognizing the reality of working as a woman in the Nigerian corporate world. Initially, it was a bit of a shock because, while I knew these issues existed, I hadn’t experienced them firsthand and didn’t think they would apply to me.

When I started working in 2021, my boss seemed to like me, but I soon realized it was based on superficial assumptions about women in the workplace. I started in a management position, which made the transition even more challenging. My boss often crossed professional boundaries, turning every conversation into something flirtatious and even proposing marriage.

At first, I didn’t speak up, feeling uncomfortable but not voicing it. This led to feelings of isolation and decreased morale. I knew I needed a change, so I focused on professional development, taking courses and training to build my HR skills and confidence. As I grew more assertive and knowledgeable, I became seen as a threat rather than just a liked team member.

This shift is common for many women. Initially, you might be well-liked, but as you become more ambitious and assertive, the perception changes. Women who speak up and know what they want often face backlash in a patriarchal society. It’s sad but true that people don’t like women who challenge the status quo.

To navigate this, I sought out more inclusive and diverse workplaces, where career growth is encouraged and valued. I’ve experienced the benefits of such environments and strive to stay in them. Despite these challenges, I’ve made significant progress in my career, both financially and mentally.

It’s crucial for women to push through these challenges and remain true to themselves. We need more women in leadership positions, and that requires being assertive and ambitious. Don’t shrink yourself or settle for environments that don’t serve you. Demand what you want from the start and seek out workplaces that support your growth.

Ultimately, working in a supportive and inclusive environment makes a significant difference. I encourage all women to push for their career goals, be vocal about their ambitions, and seek workplaces that respect and value them.

~

There can never be total and complete freedom for women if women’s growth is not valued and honored in and out of the workplace.

It is our responsibility as a society to create safe working environments so that women do not find themselves leaving jobs and careers they love.

*Name changed to protect identity