There are some moments that have formed critical building blocks in my journey as a feminist woman. Especially as a Nigerian feminist who believes that women need to collaborate with ourselves across boundaries of religion, class and even age.
These moments have fuelled my belief that until women form strong solidarity and bonds with one another, then we may never ever be able to achieve a dent in the quest for women’s freedom.
One of these moments happened in 2019 when I joined to protest against the unlawful arrest of over seventy women by the Nigerian police. The protest which was called #SayHerNameNigeria was held in four Nigerian cities, London, England and in Accra, Ghana.
I had the privilege of attending and joining to organise the Lagos protests. In the Lagos protests, there were older women, queer women, straight women and women from different social classes.
Matter of fact, a lead organiser Dami Onosowobo Marcus actually joined her now mother in law to protest.
I have often thought of that moment and the example Dami Marcus and her mother in law set each time I see women having wary fears of their mother in laws even if those fears may be valid. I have thought of that example each time I need a reminder that younger women need the experience of older women just as older women need the energy and passion of younger women.
Too often, women are told that we lose our value as we grow older and what this has done is make younger women not only scared of growing older, but see older women as people who must be jealous of them. For some older women, they too internalise this fear and actually end up judging younger women harshly especially in the workplace.
What this does is create an atmosphere of animosity such that the older women who speak on the ills of dating men who have a pattern of going after significantly younger women are labelled as bitter old hags.
What the younger women who insult these women fail to grasp is that the older you grow as a woman, the more money you have and the more wisdom you acquire in spotting men who want to manipulate. What they fail to understand is that these women have lived the experience of being groomed and do not want other women to experience it.
Outside the realms of relationships, older and younger feminist women need to feed off the energy of one another. There needs to be intentional documentation of feminist strategies such that younger feminists are not left aimless in their feminist journeys. There needs to be the honoring of the new insight that younger feminists bring to the feminist table and not a dismissal of them as those whose views do not hold water.
To better understand this topic, I asked a few women to share their thoughts. Below are their responses.
D
It would be too long to say it, but my friend and I came together to put down a lecturer known for sexual harrassment.
We let this older lecturer(a professor even) into our plan, explained everything to her, and she gave us her full support. At first, we were sceptical about letting an older woman know about this because we know how quickly things can turn, but we did.
The case is still on. The school is somehow trying to carpet the matter, but this woman no wan gree for them. At a point where my friend and I were being threatened, she stood up for us. She reassured us.
She’s a pain in their necks because of her status. She’s a well-known professor and nobody can do anything to her.
Jojo
I think that it’s important because a lot of the time there’s this energy between old and young women where they “seem” to be jealous of the youth and hate on it but what if that wasn’t the case?
What if we thought within ourselves that the more connected we are by the only virtue of being women with all of these issues that we face equally and try to find a way to solve them is a better solution for all of us long term.
If I never watched Chimamanda’s We Should All Be Feminists sent to me by my mother I don’t know if I’d have seen the light.
I think the best advice I got was from my aunty. She asked why I’d do after med school and I said probably come back and help in my dad’s hospital and she said Hmmph I’m speaking as a woman and not as your aunty better go and make everything you can of yourself and make your father fly you into the country for a difficult procedure because you are not reliant on him. Leave your brothers to fight for property you weren’t even considered for in the first place.
That’s the best thing anybody has said to me because she was honestly the first to tell me the truth that no one in my house was telling me. She might not be a feminist but she will always empower women.
Honestly older women have to get over this competitive feeing truth is you’d never be young again and we all at some point have to accept that.
I hope to see more older women actually want to see young girls win as opposed to trying to turn them into wives like almost all the women even in professional spaces.
MJ
But in a world run by men, I believe women should be closely knitted together especially the older feminist and younger ones.
It helps see what they’ve seen through their experiences and helps the younger manoeuvre life through the older’s experiences.
I believe we can bridge this gap if we find more older feminist. They are as rare as diamond.
~
There needs to be more collaboration amongst older and younger women.
By collaborating with one another, we learn to lean on the wisdom of the older woman while also building community with ourselves and those more experienced.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.