If you grew up in Nigeria and attended secondary school between 2004-2017, it is safe to say that you either witnessed some form of bullying, bullied people or you were the one being bullied.
For women and girls in secondary school, one can argue that secondary school was the first port of call to some of the traumas they still carry in adulthood.
From classmates taunting them about their bodies to outright sexual harassment from boys who were barely teenagers, African women have a lot to say about bullying in secondary school.
In our latest listicle, Urban Woman Magazine asked some women to share their experiences of secondary school bullying and what the way forward should be.
Read their responses below.
IK
I was bullied all the way from primary school to secondary school. I really don’t want to remember the details but it was always about my weight, how I’m slow when writing and my bodily features.
Mrs Bakre my teacher back in primary 3 will bully me so much it gave Simileoluwa the confidence to gang up against me. One time they travelled to Olumo rock for excursion and my mum didn’t want me leaving unsupervised for 3 days. She coached the other students to call me poor and leave me out of discussions concerning the excursion; meanwhile I wasn’t the only one who didn’t pay. They bullied me for my dentitions too.
Salako was my seat partner in Jss1 and he’ll always try to glide his hands up my skirt or rest his head on my chest. The other students bullied me for being bad at math, there were many embarrassing moments.
My acne started forming around this time, one time in JSS2 I was sitting on my own and they were playing truth or dare. They dared one boy to come and kiss my cheek, mind you I wasn’t in the game or asked to be kissed! The boy said “iyanma, make I come catch craw craw” and insisted on paying 200 naira even though it was big money. Same boy sexually harassed me and said the reason I left the place was because I was getting aroused, mind you I was in a corner reading and he came trying to touch my nipple.
There was also this craze when I decided to contest for the head girl position even though I had not been long in the school, they made snide remarks about my looks and all. Then I came second and I was meant to be assistant HG but was given two other positions because the proprietress knew they’d frustrate me.
I wonder where they learnt to be like that, lol.
J
I was horribly bullied by Owolabi, my seat partner in junior secondary school and he opened me up to excessive bullying from the majority of my classmates.
He called me names, set his leg for me to fall while walking, threw my bag on the floor many times; my classmates hit me, I ate alone most times, he cracked my skull with a water bottle, pushed me down to the floor, hid my books so I had incomplete notes so my teachers flogged me.
All these because I had the audacity to enter jss2 when I was 9, I was the youngest and smallest and smartest.
I grew up timid, horribly socially awkward, very self conscious, depressive and very shy, my mental health was non-existent and I can’t keep friends nobeing a people pleaser and had a severe lack of boundaries because I felt if I pleased everyone, they would love me and not hurt me. I started healing in 2022 and it has been a slow journey but I am getting there.
A
But the school I attended I’ll get comments like see the way you’re ugly 😂😂😂
Most of them even compared me to my sisters. Another one is a teacher, a CRS teacher who would always make me feel a kind of way amongst other students especially academically.
I’m not dull o. That’s the issue. But she just had a thing towards me that one time when I cut my hair into an afro, this woman put scissors and cut it on the assembly ground.
Or sometimes about my skin color. I remember when I and my then friends were talking about the soap we use to bathe and then I mentioned the one we all use at home. Then the next thing one of them said: “No wonder you’re black”. Mind you this girl is darker than me 😂😭
OJ
I used to bed wet in school and the boys knew because of the way the girls treated me. Bedwetting equals being filthy so a lot of guys knew.
Anyways I wasn’t active in my student body till sports period because I was pretty athletic and the only girl really interested in sports so I played all the games for my house.
There is a time during interhouse sports period when it’s over where they pick a king and queen. I wasn’t really serious about it but I said what about me as a joke and someone said: “King or queen” and I was laughed at like a lot by a whole bunch of people.
Or another time when I had been in a meeting with some of my seniors and we were asked to write something about someone there that we admired. And someone wrote: “OJ you are ugly, black, dirty and smelly please change”.
The guy read it and he asked the guy to come sit next to me to apologize while they all laughed. I don’t know that stuff like this really leaves you if you have personally dealt with it.
It kind of stays with you for a while but understanding that you’re an adult and those people literally don’t give a fuck about you can be freeing if you let it be.
Those moments don’t define you and seeing that for yourself is most important.
ZA
I was bullied in the first half of secondary school. Coincidentally, it was a mixed school. I was bullied for being hairy all over my body, for my sideburns, for my gap tooth, my height, and having full lips.
I came to class one day to see they had given nicknames and the nickname my classmates gave me was “long bushmeat”🫠….. It really stung.
I used to try everything to shrink my lips, and I’d also duck or slouch because I thought the petite girls were getting all the attention from boys(silly me).
Those things that made me feel insecure are the highlights of my life currently. I eventually attended an all girls secondary school from SS1 to SS3, and that helped to boost my confidence a great deal.
💝
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.