There is no area of life where women do not experience some form of policing. However, the policing of women becomes a lot more intense during the night. Women are expected not to love parties and as such this affects women’s unique contributions as club managers, lounge directors and consumers of music and entertainment.
In our latest piece, Urban Woman Magazine asked some women to share how they navigate nightlife and the stereotypes that come with being a woman in these spaces.
Read their responses below.
WM
So, it doesn’t help – for lack of a better word – that I have multiple facial piercings; the initial assumption is always that I’m a “wild and wayward girl”.
Everybody (read men) assumes that I’ve fucked my way through half the world’s population, and I think it emboldens them to think it’s somewhat okay to attempt to touch me inappropriately especially as the party’s going on.
I’m having the time of my life, and here comes someone trying to grind on me. Like pls?
There’s also the misconception that I’m not a “serious” person🤣 which is funny because I am seriously committed to having the time of my life, and I am also very much employed – multiple jobs at that.
Quick amebo – I got in a thing with someone who was obsessed with seeing the end of my party era. Basically, he was convinced my partying was a phase that was eventually going to end. Unfortunately for him, I am in fact committed to evolving till I die. I will grind on pretty girls and climb tables till I drop.
PN
The common misconceptions I’ve heard about women who party is that they are not loyal when it comes to romantic relationships.
They often see us as people who shouldn’t be taken seriously. This narrative has women to want to be policed. And I believe it is wrong, especially given the fact that men are not even shamed for nightlife activities at all.
I’ve heard a lot of women or should I say a good number of women give their reasons for not indulging in the nightlife; most of their reasons being that they don’t want to be perceived as whores.
Regarding safety, I give my friends and family members my location.
However, this hasn’t stopped me from being sexually harassed whenever I’m on my way to the activity or when I’m even inside the venue of the activity.
LA
I am a woman who loves music and fun. I love feeling music in my soul and seeing others in that energy as well. The negativity, shaming and terming it anti-femininity is weird because there’s no lit party without women.
But somehow, the women who show up aren’t seen as women enough. I generally don’t care so much.
On the flip side however, I feel the need to overcompensate and excel. So I can say, at least I have this degree. Or at least I’m successful at this. “Party girl with brains”. And I struggle with this because I know it’s coming from internalized misogyny.
I’ve been studying my books at law school. But there’s that feeling that I feel people have: that it suddenly doesn’t count or is washed away because I went to a party and wore a party dress. And I have to study again to stack up good girl points that can be used to weigh my character. It’s mostly thoughts I feel people will have. But I won’t lie and say that there’s no subconscious bias from my end too.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.