Love and matters of the heart would always be a part of human existence.
Now, where partners meet and how they cultivate their love can be subject to criticism or questions of ethicality.
One of such debated spaces is the workplace. It is often advised to keep matters of the heart and matters of work in separate confines.
Several ideological schools have where they lean but it is important to find out from women how dating in the workplace impacts women’s career choices.
Urban Woman Magazine recently spoke to some women to some women to share their opinions on this topic.
Read their responses below.
Ify
It depends. It depends on where you are working and how you are working.
I’ve worked in the same office as the person that I dated and it didn’t help my career because he kept trying to stifle it.
Other people around him also tried to stifle it. There were some guys in the office who when he wasn’t there will teach me the things I was supposed to know.
This was when I worked in radio by the way.
After I decided that I was going to leave the company, he now decided he wanted to break up and he only decided that because I was going to be promoted according to the HR.
I left the promotion because I was not going to be compensated accordingly and I did not like that.
In Nigeria, I would say resist the urge.
But in other countries and spaces I’ve worked in, you are allowed to date and marry whoever you like. The only thing is that you cannot work on the same project in a capacity that may mean that one of you gets to be a leader in the same team.
Maybe in a broader team yes but in a team where you have to answer to your husband or boyfriend or partner, it is not allowed.
So when you guys are together in a concrete way you have to inform the office so that they would know how they would organise it.
DC
As a woman in leadership, I absolutely cannot date at work. I see it as a hindrance to being taken seriously. I am already struggling with being a woman in leadership, having to be strong and firm while making sure the powers that be know that I am not just a “woman.” I consistently overperform in my job responsibilities.
I cannot even entertain anything that might stain my white. I have been approached multiple times by men around my workplace, but it’s always an instant no. I cannot even fathom it.
On the flip side, male leaders do not seem to hold on to this ideal as strongly as I do. I’ve seen two instances of these men getting into dating scandals, and one was recently even promoted. I fear I don’t have the same leverage they do. It would only take one instance of a scandal to lose everything I have worked for.
EO
I wouldn’t recommend it. Especially if the person is in a position of power over you. Even something casual can get very problematic.
CD
As someone who has experienced it and is still dealing with the repercussions, I honestly don’t recommend dating in the workplace.
Some people are better left as crushes or secret admirers. Not every feeling needs to be acted on. Sometimes, people don’t like you, they like the idea of you. And once they start dating you, see finish and disrespect enters, and they begin to take you for granted.
That relationship really really broke me. And the fact that I still had to see him every single day at work while going through that heartbreak was torture. Imagine trying to heal, but the person who hurt you is right there , moving on and acting unbothered. It would have been easier if we weren’t colleagues. That way, I would have blocked him, but we worked together on tasks and projects, and it was hell.
We made out a couple of times in the office, had sex before work, after work… I used to stop by his place in the mornings, then we’d leave work together in the evenings. We were always together. And he still cheated.
To make matters worse, I would see him being playful or flirty with other women at the office, and even if it was ‘innocent’, I didn’t like it.
Also, you start feeling insecure, wondering if everyone knows your business, and sometimes, they do. Office gossip spreads fast.
I felt so stupid and so exposed. And I’ve promised myself that I will never ever be in that position again.
Although, I’ve heard of people who found love at work and even got married. But for me, personally? I don’t recommend it at all.
But if there’s one thing I’m genuinely proud of, it’s the fact that after everything, I didn’t go back to him or have sex with him even though he tried to make it happen. I don’t even know how I managed to hold it together, but I did. I chose myself and I’m proud of that.
Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.