Over the years there’s been a lot of chatter about self-care. That conversion has evolved from bubble baths to gut healing, to boundary setting, to healing generational trauma. (We love to see it.) Today, we want to explore a version of self-care that is largely unexplored: solo sex.
The way we connect with our own sexual desire, without the influence of pleasuring another, can have a profound effect on our well-being.
In a world where women are so often sexually harassed, objectified, and taught to prioritize male pleasure, it’s liberating to reject that and please your-damn-self.
Masturbation can at times become a means to an end, a mad dash to the climax so you can drift off to sleep. (No shade here.) But stopping your solo sex at “the mad dash” is a missed opportunity. Consistently investing in enriching your solo sex routine has the potential to be liberating, healing, and radical.
Let’s talk about 5 ways to reinvigorate your solo sex routine.
- Get in touch with your breath, it has the power to strengthen your orgasm
If you take anything from this article, make it this one. Your breath is a powerful ingredient to your arousal. Your breath is an orgasmic tool.
Some of us actually hold our breath during masturbation or sex which can seriously dampen an orgasm.
If you learn how to use your breath, it can supercharge your arousal and orgasm. You’ll find you may be able to use your breath to give power and depth to your orgasms.
Before beginning your solo sex, ground yourself with some deep breaths. Send the breath all the way to your pelvis. When you begin stimulating, start slow, and incorporate a slow breath. You’ll find your breath can stoke the fire. Play with that as you will.
You can also incorporate your breath as you are beginning to climax. Deepen your breath, deepen your orgasm.
- Try edging, teasing, or arousal building (this also strengthens your orgasm)
Sometimes we want to just go for gold, and reach climax. But a great way to spice up your solo sex routine is to try various forms of arousal-building. This involves bringing yourself close to climax, then backing off. This could mean just a few seconds of indirect stimulation, then back to direct. Building up to one great final orgasm.
Think of your arousal and orgasm as a wave. A single orgasm is one big wave build-up, a climax, and a crash.
An edging teasing orgasm is a wave that builds up, flattens out, and builds up again. This process can continue until there’s so much momentum (build-up arousal) and the wave builds into a monumental wave.
Just trust me, experiment with “your wave”.
- Try the blended orgasm: It’s two orgasms at once
There are many, many types of orgasms. The one many of us are familiar with is the clitoral orgasm. But if you want to spice up your solo sex life, try achieving the blended, double orgasm.
This is achieved when you simultaneously stimulate 2 or more erogenous zones which can result in two simultaneous orgasms. These tend to offer a brand-new sensation that is stronger, and deeper.
Pairing an internal and an external orgasm is a great route to take. Try combining clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration. Stimulating both areas at once can produce a simultaneous clitoral and vaginal orgasm. (Add in the orgasmic breathing and oh my god– *chef kiss*)
- Explore pleasure products and keep some on a rotation
If you want to spice up your solo sex routine, there’s no faster way than stocking up on some new pleasure products.
Sex toys are so much more than that these days. Wellness companies like BerryLemon are changing that narrative. Vibrators, lubricants, dilators, plugs, and arousal oils are all tools to enhance sexual wellness.
Explore new types of lubricants, and introduce various types of stimulation. Suction vibrators are the new gold standard of clit stimulation. While wand vibrators are the classic power-town vibes. Keep a few tools on your bedside table to experience solo and with your partner.
- Explore various forms of feminist erotica
We all know the general porn industry is far from feminist. But there are a few companies that are producing feminist erotica.
No matter if you’re into visual, auditory, or written erotica, there’s something for everyone.
Ogle at ethically produced and feminist sensual films at Lust Cinema or Bellesa.
Check out Dipsea for audio erotica.
Peruse The Good Bits for written erotica.
Parting words
The sensual connection we have with our sexualities is a sacred one. The benefits of strengthening it are more than chemical. A strong sexual connection to self can make us feel grounded and safe. It can empower us during partnered sex and intimate relationships.
If you’re feeling bored with your solo sex routine try any one of these solo sex tips to get your groove back.
Written by Lauren Johnson
Lauren Johnson is the founder of BerryLemon, where she works to modernize pleasure products and sex education for all.
The Urban Woman Magazine Editorial Team is made up of seasoned writers and editors who have a keen eye for detail and a passion for all things urban. We strive to create fresh, original content that appeals to the modern woman. Our mission is to provide a platform for women to share their stories, experiences and opinions on various issues affecting their lives.
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