Why Do Women’s Rights Have To Wait For Men’s Rights?

One of my favourite feminist novels remains Everything Good Will Come by Nigerian novelist and playwright Sefi Atta. 

I cannot count how many times I have read this book and even more, I cannot count how many times I have recommended it or had words from it ring true in my subconscious as a feminist woman.

During the #ENDSARS protests, I remember being dragged incredibly with rape and death threats because I pointed out the very obvious and proven fact, that women gave way too much energy for a cause that gained ground because the most visible victims were heterosexual men. Not just that, I remember feeling exhausted that Nigerian women had to be reminded that a fight for a nation’s right to a police brutality free environment, did not translate to freedom for even the women who bullied other women who did not want to speak. 

This feeling was heightened when reports came that women were not only raped in Benin City by men believed to be fellow protesters, but women protesting in other places like Lagos were groped and even physically assaulted by again fellow male protesters. 

Three years on since the #ENDSARS protests occured, it is more than obvious that women should have transferred that energy to causes that still affect women after #ENDSARS. Causes such as Female Genital Mutilation and the fact that there is no adequate structure protecting nursing mothers from losing their work in Nigerian companies. 

Even worse, three years on and no toll gate has been shut down and rendered lifeless because a woman was killed by her partner. What instead continues to happen is that on social media, the work of the women who sustained a frankly anti women protest and movement continues to be erased with them being called thieves and liars.

Remember that I mentioned Everything Good Will Come in the beginning of this essay? When the protests were ongoing and shortly after, one line from the novel kept on reverberating in my mind. In it the narrator remarked: Human rights were never an issue until the rights of men were threatened. 

In essence, women’s suffering and pain is seen as necessary to the continuation of a culture while men’s tears and tragedies are issues that the entire community must stop all they are doing to address.

Afterall, during #ENDSARS, businesses even channelled their efforts to the success of the protest, filmmakers made documentaries at that very moment. Even the filmmakers and business owners who wanted to do things outside the protests were told to read the room and focus on using their businesses to fuel the success of the protest. I am yet to see anyone (read: man) being told to be quiet about soccer talk because the rape of a woman is trending. I am yet to see women even buy data for random people online so that the murder of a woman will not become another forgotten hashtag. 

This even if during #ENDSARS women were doling out hard earned money to probably sexist men who are the type to mock women who have no choice but to rely on men financially.

But why do women’s rights have to wait for men’s rights? Why is it that women whose bodies literally ensure that the entire human race does not go extinct, are not placed front and center? Why do women live our lives like a constant apology for being born female such that the possibility of little crumbs of freedom from men makes us slave away in movements that never had our needs as a main priority?

Speaking with Aliyah, a writer and editor, she reiterated that women’s issues are seen as second place because women’s contributions to society are not valued and are erased.

In her words: “There’s something someone said one time that showed me how men think. They said that without men, women wouldn’t have rights so we ought to give men more grace.

We’ve seen men say that they made the world what it is and we should be grateful for that. So by default, women are not as important because we haven’t been pioneers of great discoveries. This is obviously not true. But no one really cares about the truth. Men only care about exalting dominance and making sure we women *know our place*.”

She went on to say: “Even in cases of protests and wars and times of unrest, men hurt women. I mean women and children are literally called *spoils* of war. 

As for how we address that, honestly my everlasting solution is a separatist society.”

For Oluwatoyin, she feels that women need to learn to conserve our energies especially during protests. 

To quote her: “Toyin Salau’s murder during the BLM protest opened my eyes. She was killed by a black man after protesting against racism and when women talked about it on BLM groups, they were shut down with: ‘This is not the place or time.’ Her death solidified what I already knew that as a woman, when a collective group that you belong to is going through a certain issue, you are going to have the extra layer of misogyny and sexism. 

Then, there’s also the fact that women were literally groped, harassed and assaulted during the End Sars protest. 

To be honest, I think as women, we need to conserve their energies for issues that directly affect us.”

The thoughts of Oluwatoyin were also echoed by Glory, a writer when the latter drew light on how during EndSars, women were raped in Benin City and were essentially hushed. 

In Glory’s words: “To be a woman in Nigeria is to have others (Mostly men) tell you your needs are second. I can never forget Endsars here in Benin. Women came out en masse to these protests. Their reward? Some girls raped during one of the protests. And when they talked about it and raised alarm? ‘Now is not the time’. Like how? Girls were raped but they thought oh if they spotlight that it will take away from Endsars.”

She went on to say: “Women truly didn’t need to go to those protests and I am wary of men who say they are “allies” because in the end a lot will throw women under the bus. 

So bo, as women we will not wait our turn”. We will keep speaking out even if it upsets what they have underway because for us most of the issues affecting us have life consequences.”

The truth is that so long as we live in a sexist world, women and issues that primarily affect us would be seen as issues that are of little concern to the general society.

However, no community can move forward without prioritising the needs of women and mothers because women’s rights are human rights and are essential to the health of any community.