“Man Is The Head”: The Statement That Births All Violence Against Women

I was raised Christian. And when you are raised Christian, especially as a woman, there are certain statements that go without questioning. One of such is the statement: “The Man is The Head” and the concurrent demand that women are to be in total subservience to that headship.

Now, that statement always made me uncomfortable. But because I did not want to be tagged as an extremist, I would often try and rationalise that a “good man” was worth “submitting in love” to. It should be questioned however why any kind and decent human should be okay with their partner reducing themselves.

For me, what saw a dramatic shift in that thought pattern, was the day I learnt of how a South African man murdered his girlfriend for taking a bottle of wine. His reason? It was only the head of the family who was to first open the wine and then share it. But his girlfriend flouted that rule and did so.

The expectation that men are naturally superior and are the head, has led to the overall denial of rights for women. Every injustice women face from lack of access to education, unequal pay and even seemingly “irrelevant” issues like male children getting the best and most nutritious food items in the home, can be traced back to the idea that maleness is synonymous with headship and as such should be protected. This according to those who push those ideologies is necessary, to avoid a breakdown of societal functions which may occur if the head is not stable. It goes again to ask, why even in a world that is male-centric, there are staggering levels of crime and disorder.

The worst part about the insistence of men on being the head is that it enforces violence against women. There is nothing about the male body that gives it a superior edge over women. To ensure that women accept this superiority of men as fact, it has to be enforced often violently and especially against women who step out of line.

It is reminiscent of how slaves in slave-era America were often beaten, had their names changed and subjected to psychological torture until they accepted that whiteness was close to God. If that was not done, the slaves would not be submissive enough to work hard at the plantations. 

It is however interesting that even the Black men who insist on the headship of Black men and submission from Black women, will still not agree with being told to submit to a white man. This is despite the fact that the Bible also explicitly says even slaves too should submit.

There can be no happy and just world for women if it is seen as the natural order that men are to lead and women are to follow. It erodes women of leadership opportunities and leads to female leadership not being taken seriously where it does exist. The only solution is to start from the root and debunk the myth that men are the God-ordained head.

It may seem insurmountable, especially from a religious backdrop but it is necessary and in fact doable. If men could let go of slave submission rhetoric because Black male preachers reasoned that slavery and racism was a human invention, not a godly invention, for those who are still religious, it must also be reasoned that sexism is a human invention too which must be let go.

If not, the violence women experience will sadly be a normalised reality in most societies which will inadvertently lead to disastrous stories of women being killed over irrelevancies around food and wine.

Angel Nduka-Nwosu

Angel Nduka-Nwosu is a writer, journalist and editor. She moonlights occasionally as a podcaster on As Angel Was Sayin’. Catch her on all socials @asangelwassayin.