The Interesting Life Of A Dominatrix

A dominatrix is a woman who is paid to perform the dominant role in BDSM activities. Though she may be of any sexual orientation, her orientation does not limit the gender of her partners. When people hear the term “sex-worker”, a dominatrix never comes to mind, however, a dominatrix is still a sex worker. There are lots of different types of sex workers, some of whom do usually have sex with their clients (such as prostitutes), and some of whom do not (such as strippers).

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The Role Of A Dominatrix

The role of a dominatrix is one that involves domination, both verbal and servitude. According to the London Dominatrix School, her domination may not always involve physical pain or BDSM like bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism. However, it is one that would definitely involve psychological domination.

Being A Dominatrix

Miss Grey, a dominatrix who was interviewed by The Broadcast says she thinks of her job as a sexual orientation. Adding that most times, it is a way for people to develop their sexuality and a sense of eroticism.

According to her, she has been a professional dominatrix for twelve and a half years. She uses her job as a dominatrix to facilitate meaningful and sincere connections with people who want to engage in kinky play.

Life As A Dominatrix

Miss Grey lives a pretty normal life though she admits that there is so much discrimination and misunderstanding about her business, so she doesn’t share her name or real identity with her clients. Though, they have seen her face.

Many want to get more personal. I do have to dodge these questions. I remind them that it’s not a part of our professional relationship.

What happens during a dominatrix session?

According to another dominatrix, Freak of the week, who posted about her job as a dominatrix on Reddit, a dominatrix session is usually very intense.

The client contacts her through her website, and she screens him through emails, phone calls, where she asks questions about his physical/emotional limits, previous experience, health conditions, etc.

I bring him into the dungeon, he strips naked. I usually put a collar on him, as a symbol of his submission (though not always – in domestic-style discipline, for example, this may be out of place.)

If corporal punishment is involved (most times it is), I warm him up with light-to-medium whipping/spanking/what have you before laying into him. Usually some bondage to help him take the discipline.

She also mentions that there is a beginning, a peak and an end. Also role play, verbal humiliation are very involved as this sets the atmosphere of her dominance over him.

A good scene has an arc – like a story, or a piece of music. There’s a beginning, a peak, and an end. The specific times vary, but there’s definitely a flow. While I’m part of that flow, I’m also watching and managing it, timing things so that he has a rounded experience within the time-frame.

At the end of the session, she reduces the intensity, and does a few minutes of aftercare depending on the intensity of the scene.

However, Miss Grey takes a not so similar approach. She tells The Broadcast that she starts slow with a warm up, but how she proceeds from there depends on the preferences of the client. According to her, this is why preparation via questionnaire and phone conversation is very important.

Sessions can last anywhere from one hour to twenty four hours, again depending on the clients preferences.

Miss Grey has rules during her sessions too. Her clients are not allowed to touch her. She also does not like to be asked for personal information about her life.

Misconceptions about being a dominatrix

  1. They do it for the money: According to Miss Grey, most dominatrices do not work for just the money, rather they only chosen not to take a more conventional career path and really do love their work.
  2. They have sex with their clients: Dominatrices do not have sex with their clients. According to the London Dominatrix School, If they want to offer oral and/or penetrative sex to your clients, it is entirely their decision. However, they are not expected to.

Read Also: How to create intimacy without sex in your relationship

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