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Escaping The Likeability Trap

escaping the likeability trap

It is called a trap because you can’t win and as many societal traps, this one targets women. Powerful women are not liked while powerful men are liked. The real tea comes when we realize that women who are liked or seen as likeable are generally considered to be less successful.

escaping the likeability trap

In summary, women can’t be perceived as successful and likeable at the same time; one must give way for the other. A lot of women fall into this trap especially in their careers as they attempt to be the powerful woman that people like and over the years, conversations have sparked about how to avoid getting caught in the likeability trap.


Growing up as girls, we were made to believe that being likeable was an attribute that we should always aspire to be and we believed this ridiculous notion. So we grew up to become women who stifle their thoughts and opinions because of a fear of being disliked and who apologize excessively because God forbid we are seen as anything other than nice, cute little characters in a Jane Austen novel. Spoiler alert, we are not.


A lot of notable women have suffered with this trap in their career such as Sheryl Sandberg and Hilary Clinton and while we are on the discussion of escaping this horrible concept, we must turn to the wisdom of a powerful feminist who simply thinks the likeability trap is bullshit, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Speaking at the Girls Write Now Awards in 2015, she had said “I think what our society teaches young girls is that you are supposed to twist yourself into shapes to make yourself likeable, that you’re supposed to hold back sometimes, pull back, don’t quite say, don’t be too pushy, because you have to be likeable. And I say that’s bullshit”.


The most important thing to know when trying to avoid falling into this trap of balancing power and likeability is that you don’t owe it to anybody to be likeable. It is not an essential part of who you are as a woman and the fear of being disliked should never deter you from making decisions or being outspoken about the things you believe in. It is commonly said that you can’t make everyone happy unless you’re the ice cream man but even the ice cream man isn’t always a delight to the people who are lactose intolerant. So stop trying to compete with an impossible standard. I have learned that people are going to form opinion of you regardless of what you do anyway and their opinion of you, while being their right, is not a manifesto of your success or failure in life.


A true disaster would be women who fail to live up to their potential or even fail to be ambitious because they never want to exit the comfort of the likeable zone. I use the word disaster because not only is it detrimental to women and their happiness but it also negatively impacts the world and denies her the opportunity to soak in the awesomeness that is women. Dare to live your life the way you want and if that means being disliked, then dare to be disliked!

Read Also:  Child Marriage: In Northern Nigeria, Life of the Girl Child Begins at 9

Kate Capshaw – Biography

kate capshaw

Kate Capshaw, is a retired American actress known for her dramatic and compelling performances.

kate capshaw

Kate Capshaw was born in Fort Worth, Texas. She is the daughter of Beverly Sue a travel agent & beautician, and Edwin Leon Nail, an airline employee. She moved to St. Louis, Missouri, at the age of five, and graduated from Hazelwood Central High School, in 1972.

She earned an education degree from the University of Missouri. She married marketing manager Robert Capshaw in January 1976 and they had one child, Jessica Capshaw, before eventually divorcing him in 1980. However, she kept the surname Capshaw, which she used as her professional name as an actress.

At the age of 28, Kate Capshaw moved to New York City to pursue her dream of being an actress. She landed her first role on the soap opera, ‘The Edge of Night.’ She got the role of the leading lady after auditioning for a small role in ‘A Little Sex’.

However, it was her portrayal of Willie Scott, an American nightclub singer and performer in ‘Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom’, that gave her massive applause and international recognition.

During the production of ‘Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom’, she became close with director Steven Spielberg and they sparked a friendship. They later got married on October 12, 1991 in a civil ceremony and an Orthodox ceremony.

She starred in Dreamscape in 1984, and afterwards in Windy City which was directed by her then-boyfriend Armyan Bernstein.

Kate Capshaw starred opposite Harrison Ford, who played Indiana Jones. In addition, she appeared as Andie Bergstrom, an appealing and stern yet frustrated camp instructor in the 1986 film SpaceCamp, opposite Richard Gere and Gene Hackman in Power (1986), and starred as Susanna McKaskel in The Quick and The Dead (1987) with Sam Elliott. Capshaw also starred in the spy film/romance Her Secret Life.

Capshaw had roles in several films throughout the late 1980s into the 1990s. She starred alongside Michael Douglas and Andy García in Black Rain (1989), Sean Connery and Laurence Fishburne in Just Cause (1995), and Warren Beatty and Katharine Hepburn in Love Affair (1994). She was also featured in the 1997 film The Alarmist with David Arquette and Stanley Tucci. In 1999, she starred in and produced The Love Letter.

In 2001, she starred in the Showtime Cable Network TV Movie A Girl Thing,[5] with Stockard Channing, Rebecca De Mornay and Elle Macpherson.

After 20 years of being in front of the camera, Jessica Capshaw decided to retire from acting after her final screen appearance in the 2001 TV movie, Due East. At the time, she was 48 years old, an age where roles are hard to come by in Hollywood, she made the decision to retire to focus on her expanded family of 7 children as a result of adoption and the children from their former marriages.

The decision to retire was probably for the best as Kate nurtured three of her children to be big names in the acting and music industry.

Capshaw endorsed Democratic U.S. President Barack Obama for re-election in 2012.

In addition to this, Capshaw also donated $250,000 to support the election of 2020 Democratic presidential nominee and latest president, Joe Biden.

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Kristy Hinze – Biography

kristy hinze

Kristy Hinze was born on the 16th of October 1979 on the Gold Coast, Australia. She is an Australian model, actress and television host.

kristy hinze
Kristy Hinze

Kristy Hinze is the granddaughter of Queensland politician Russ Hinze. In 1994, when she was 14 years old. Kristy Hinze appeared in the Australian edition of Vogue. She attended Beaudesert State High School.

At the time that she worked with Elite model management New York, she also appeared on the tenth season of America’s Next Top Model.

Kristy Hinze is considered one of Australia’s most renowned models. She has posed for several magazines some of which inuse Maxim, GQ, Vogue and Cosmopolitan.

It was announced in February 2008 that Kristy Hinze will be the host of the Australian version of US reality TV show, Project Runway. She was the host and head judge of Project Runway Australia during the 1st and 2nd season.

She appeared on the first ever cover of the Australian Edition of Ocean Drive magazine. Hinze portrayed Marc Anthony’s love interest in the music video for his single “You Sang to Me”, in both the Spanish and English versions.

Kristy Hinze has appeared in Sports Illustrated as well as the Victoria’s Secret catalogue.

In December 2012, Kristy Hinze was inducted into the Queensland Models Association Hall of Fame in recognition of her achievements as a model. She was one of the first 9 models inducted.

She is  known for her acting roles, Perfect Stranger (2007), Boys and Girls (2000) and The Look (2003).

In October 2008, Kristy Hinze became engaged to billionaire James H. Clark, founder of Silicon Graphics and Netscape, a man who is 36 years older than her. Their age difference and James Clark’s three previous marriages made their engagement attract a lot of criticism.

The couple met through mutual friends at a lunch in New York. Lunch turned into dinner and the duo said that they could not leave each other’s side after that moment.

They got married on 22 March 2009; in an exclusive ceremony on Virgin Gorda in the British Virgin Islands in 2009.

Together they had a daughter named Dylan Vivienne, in September 2011 in New York City. Their second daughter, Harper was born on 19 August 2014.

Hinze reportedly bought a home in Australia online while taking a break from filming Adam Rifkin’s Without Charlie in Los Angeles.

Kristy Hinze and her husband are on the board of the Australian Wildlife Conservancy and they both serve as ambassadors for the Protect Our Coral Sea campaign. They use their time sailing the world to raise awareness of the earth’s fragile ecosystem.

In 2015, The Pet Philanthropy Circle awarded Kristy Hinze and her husband the Pet Hero Award for their efforts in defending both animal and aquatic life by promoting animal welfare globally. Their efforts have saved over 250,000 animals and their van has transported more than 85,000 adoptable pets to homes in NYC neighborhoods.

Kristy Hinze loves to go on competitive yacht races. In December 2015, Hinze became the first female boat owner to win the Sydney to Hobart Yacht Race.

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Biography of Susan Dell


Susan Dell was born to Marilyn Ely Lieberman and Zelig Lieberman. Susan comes from a family of high achievers. Her father Zelig Lieberman was a doctor, and he worked at the Baylor Medical Centre in Dallas, Texas. Susan Dell’s brothers, Steve, and Randy, happen to be successful in real estate and venture capitals respectively.

Susan Dell

Susan Dell was a star athlete in high school, where she secured titles in Triathlons. After which she went on to study fashion merchandising and design at the Arizona State University in Tempe.

Following her college years, she moved to Austin, Texas, to work for Trammell Crow in real estate.

She was soon introduced to Michael Dell (the founder and CEO of Dell Inc.) through a client in February, 1988. They got engaged and got married in October, 1989.

Prior to marriage, Susan was an avid sportswoman, proficient in marathons, triathlons and cycling. She was also an entrepreneur, having founded three fashion labels including the highly acclaimed luxury brand, Phi.

Highly competitive and driven, Susan has achieved great feats, through immense hard work not just marrying a business magnate.

Susan and Michael Dell manage the Michael and Susan Dell Foundation, their philanthropic foundation. Susan Dell is co-founder and board chair of the Michael & Susan Dell Foundation, a philanthropic organization, aimed at helping the society and giving back to the welfare of the people.

The foundation started out by working on the children’s health and education issues in the state of Texas. Eventually, they expanded their program and partnered up with a number of organizations throughout the USA.

The also work in the Education and Health sector, focusing on children and young adults. The foundation also started the ‘Dell Scholars program’, which provides guidance and financial assistance to underprivileged but talented kids. There are funding programs for public schools and financial assistance for initiatives like Teach for America and Knowledge is Power Program.

In the health sector, the foundation is helping to fight problems which affect children like childhood obesity. The foundation has funded awareness documentaries, donated funds to central bodies like the President’s Council on Physical Fitness (of which Susan was a member) and helped to establish better infrastructure in medical schools like at University of Texas at Austin. The foundation has also contributed to improve community health and establishment of new teaching hospitals.

Over the last 20 years, the foundation has committed $1.75 billion to non-profits and social enterprises focused on improving the lives of children and families in the United States, India and South Africa. The foundation also focuses on providing resources to solve entrenched challenges in delivering high-quality K-12 urban education, in helping low-income students achieve university degrees.

As of 2017, total donation channeled into the Michael and Susan Dell Foundation has risen up to 1.32 billion USD and efforts have been extended towards developing nations like India and South Africa through partner organizations.

Susan Dell is a lifetime trustee of Dell Children’s Medical Center, a board member of the Cooper Institute in Dallas, and a past member of the President’s Council for Physical Fitness and Sports. 

Susan was inducted into the Texas Women’s Hall of Fame in 2019.

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Biography of Kamala Harris


Kamala Harris was born Kamala Devi Harris on October 20, 1964, in Oakland California. Her mother, Shyamala Gopalan, a biologist whose work on the progesterone receptor gene stimulated advances in breast cancer research is of Indian descent, while her father, Donald J. Harris, is a Stanford University professor emeritus of economics who is of Jamaican descent. Both her parents are immigrants, having arrived in the U.S in 1958 and 1961 respectively. 

Kamala Harris

Kamala Harris attended a French-speaking primary school, Notre-Dame-des-Neiges, then F.A.C.E. School, and finally Westmount High School in Westmount, Quebec, graduating in 1981. After high school, in 1982, Harris attended Howard University, a historically black university in Washington, D.C. While at Howard, she interned as a mailroom clerk for California senator Alan Cranston, chaired the economics society, led the debate team, and joined Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority. Harris graduated from Howard in 1986 with a degree in political science and economics. Afterward, she returned to California to attend law school at the University of California, Hastings College of the Law through its Legal Education Opportunity Program (LEOP). 

She was hired as a deputy district attorney in Alameda County, California in 1990, where she was described as “an able prosecutor on the way up. Four years later in 1994, Speaker of the California Assembly Willie Brown appointed her to the state Unemployment Insurance Appeals Board and later to the California Medical Assistance Commission. 

In February 1998, San Francisco district attorney Terence Hallinan recruited Harris as an assistant district attorney. There, she became the chief of the Career Criminal Division, supervising five other attorneys, where she prosecuted homicide, burglary, robbery, and sexual assault cases – particularly three-strike cases.

In August 2000, took a job at San Francisco City Hall, working for city attorney Louise Renne where she ran the Family and Children’s Services Division representing child abuse and neglect cases. Renne endorsed Harris during her D.A. campaign. 

In 2002, Kamala Harris contested for District Attorney of San Francisco against Hallinan (the incumbent) and Bill Fazio. She advanced to the general election runoff with 33 percent of the vote alongside Hallinan who had 37 percent of the vote. In the elections that followed, she won with 56 percent of the vote, becoming the first person of color elected as District Attorney of San Francisco. She ran unopposed for a second term in 2007.

In 2010, she declared her intention to run for the Office of the Attorney General of California. Dianne Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, United Farm Workers co-founder Dolores Huerta, and mayor of Los Angeles Antonio Villaraigosa all endorsed her candidacy. In the June 8, 2010 primary, she was nominated with 33.6 percent of the vote, defeating Alberto Torrico and Chris Kelly. In the general election, she faced Republican Los Angeles County district attorney Steve Cooley. The election was held November 2 but after a protracted period of counting mail-in and provisional ballots, Cooley conceded on November 25. Kamala Harris was sworn in on January 3, 2011; she is the first woman, the first African American, and the first South Asian American to hold the office of Attorney General in the state’s history. She ran again in 2014, against Republican Ronald Gold, whom she won with 57.5 percent of the vote to 42.5 percent on November 4, 2014. 

Kamala Harris contested for the U.S Senate from California after the incumbent, Senator Barbara Boxer announced in January 2015 that she would not run for re-election in the following year. In February 2016, Harris won 78% of the California Democratic Party vote at the party convention, allowing Harris’s campaign to receive financial support from the party. Harris faced congresswoman and fellow Democrat Loretta Sanchez in the general election. She defeated Sanchez, capturing over 60% of the vote, carrying all but four counties.

In August 2020, U.S Democratic Presidential candidate Joe Biden chose Kamala Harris to be his running mate. Joe Biden won the subsequent elections against the incumbent President, Donald Trump. And in November she became the first Black woman to be elected vice president of the United States. 

Kamala Harris resigned from her seat in the U.S Senate on January 18, 2021, before taking office on January 20, 2021, as Vice President. She was replaced by California Secretary of State Alex Padilla.

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Biography of Angela Merkel

angela merkel

Angela Merkel was born Angela Dorothea Kasner on July 17, 1954, in Hamburg in then-West Germany, moving to East Germany as an infant when her father, a Lutheran clergyman accepted a pastorate in Quitzow, Brandenburg. Her father was a theology student and her mother was a teacher of Latin and English. In 1957 they moved again to Templin, where Merkel finished high school in 1973. 

angela merkel

In late 1973, she went to Leipzig to study physics at Karl Marx University (now the University of Leipzig).  While a student, she participated in the reconstruction of the ruin of the Moritzbastei, a project students initiated to create their own club and recreation facility on campus. At school she learned to speak Russian fluently, and was awarded prizes for her proficiency in Russian and mathematics. She was the best in her class in mathematics and Russian, and completed her school education with the best possible average Abitur grade 1.0. She obtained a doctorate in quantum chemistry in 1986 and worked as a research scientist until 1989. 

Merkel entered politics in the wake of the Revolutions of 1989, briefly serving as deputy spokesperson for the first democratically elected East German Government led by Lothar de Maizière. The fall of the Berlin Wall in November 1989 served as the catalyst for Merkel’s political career.

Following German reunification in 1990, Merkel was elected to the Bundestag for the state of Mecklenburg-Vorpommern. As the protégé of Chancellor Helmut Kohl, Merkel was appointed as Minister for Women and Youth in 1991, later becoming Minister for the Environment, Nature Conservation and Nuclear Safety in 1994. After the CDU lost the 1998 federal election, Merkel was elected CDU General Secretary, before becoming the party’s first female leader two years later in the aftermath of a donations scandal that toppled Wolfgang Schäuble.

After the Kohl Government was defeated at the 1998 election, Merkel was appointed Secretary-General of the CDU, a key position as the party was no longer part of the federal government. Merkel oversaw a string of CDU election victories in six out of seven state elections in 1999, breaking the long-standing SPD-Green hold on the Bundesrat.

She was subsequently elected to replace Schäuble, becoming the first female leader of a German party on 10 April 2000, her election coming as a surprise to many observers. 

On 30 May 2005, Angela Merkel won the CDU/CSU nomination as challenger to Chancellor Gerhard Schröder of the SPD in the 2005 national elections. On 18 September 2005, Merkel’s CDU/CSU and Schröder’s SPD went head-to-head in the national elections, with the CDU/CSU winning 35.2% (CDU 27.8%/CSU 7.5%) of the second votes to the SPD’s 34.2%. The result was so close, both Schröder and Merkel claimed victory. Neither the SPD-Green coalition nor the CDU/CSU and its preferred coalition partners, the Free Democratic Party, held enough seats to form a majority in the Bundestag. A grand coalition between the CDU/CSU and SPD faced the challenge that both parties demanded the chancellorship. However, after three weeks of negotiations, the two parties reached a deal whereby Merkel would become Chancellor and the SPD would hold 8 of the 16 seats in the cabinet.

Angela Merkel has remained Chancellor of Germany since 2005. Some of her honours to date are; Grand Cross 1st Class of the Order of Merit of the Federal Republic of Germany; Grand Decoration of Honour in Gold with Sash of the Order of Honour for Services to the Republic of Austria; Grand Cross of the Order of the Balkan Mountains; Recipient of the Jawaharlal Nehru Award for International Understanding; Recipient of the President’s Medal; Knight Grand Cross of the Order of Merit of the Italian Republic; Grand Officer of the Order of the Three Stars; Grand Cross of the Order of Vytautas the Great; Knight Grand Cross of the Royal Norwegian Order of Merit; Grand Cross of the Order of the Sun of Peru; Grand Cross of the Order of Infante Henry; Grand Officer of the Order of Abdulaziz al Saud; and Recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom; 1st Class of the Order of the White Double Cross. 

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Biography of Melinda Gates

Biography of Melinda Gates

Melinda Gates was born as Melinda Ann French on August 15, 1964, in Dallas, Texas. She is the second of four born to Raymond Joseph French Jr., an aerospace engineer who famously worked on the Apollo Space program, and Elaine Agnes Amerland, a homemaker. She attended St. Monica Catholic School, where she was the top student in her class.

Biography of Melinda Gates

When she was 14 years old, Melinda Gates was first introduced to computers when her father purchased the Apple II computer, which was one of the first computers sold to consumers. Melinda Gates subsequently learned a lot about computer games and programming, particularly the BASIC programming language.

Her strong interest in Science and Technology persisted while she was at Ursuline Academy, an all-girls Catholic high school in Dallas. Notably, during her senior year, she took a tour at Duke University and fell in love with their computer science department.

She subsequently attended Duke University after graduating as Valedictorian at Ursuline Academy. She earned a bachelor’s degree in computer science and economics from Duke University in 1986 and an MBA from Duke’s Fuqua School of Business in 1987.

After graduation, she was reportedly offered a job at IBM but turned it down, rather focusing on a much smaller company then in Microsoft where she became a marketing manager, being responsible for leading the development of various multimedia products that included; Cinemania, Encarta, Publisher, Microsoft Bob, Money, Works (Macintosh) and Word. She was later promoted to General Manager of Information Products, a position which she held until 1996.

She met her husband Bill Gates four months after she started at Microsoft at a PC Expo trade show in New York City. The two eventually got married in 1996, by then Melinda had left Microsoft.

Melinda Gates served on the Board of Trustees for Duke University from 1996 to 2003 after leaving Microsoft. She attends the annual Bilderberg Group conference and has held a seat on the Board of Directors of The Washington Post Company since 2004. She was also on the Board of Directors at Drugstore.com but left in August 2006 to focus on philanthropy projects.

Melinda Gates was named Persons of the Year by Time Magazine in 2005. In 2006, the Gates Foundation formed a $150 million partnership with the Rockefeller Foundation and received a multi-year pledge from Warren Buffett to give over 10 million of his company’s shares to the Gates Foundation By signing this pledge, the three philanthropists committed to donating at least half of their wealth to charity over the course of their lifetime.

To date, Melinda Gates has received a multitude of awards for her philanthropic work. Some of which are; the Insignia of the Order of the Aztec Eagle, together with her husband Bill, who was awarded the Placard of the same order, both for their philanthropic work around the world in the areas of health and education, particularly in Mexico, and specifically in the program “Un país de lectores”;  the Spanish Prince of Asturias Award for International Cooperation on May 4, 2006, in recognition of their world impact through charitable giving; the UCSF medal in 2013; the Legion of Honour, awarded by President François Hollande in 2017; India’s third-highest civilian honor, Padma Bhushan, in 2015; and the Presidential Medal of Freedom for philanthropic efforts in 2016 by President Barrack Obama.

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Meshell Ndegeocello’s Tiny Desk Concert

Meshell Ndegeocello
 Peter Matthews under CC BY 2.0 License – No changes were made to the image
Meshell Ndegeocello
 Peter Matthews under CC BY 2.0 License – No changes were made to the image

Groove priestess, bass guitar legend, and neo-soul pioneer Meshell Ndegeocello, also known as Meshell Suhaila Bashir-Shakur, was finally featured in NPR’s Tiny Desk (Home) concert series. Accompanied by Chris Bruce who has long-played guitar for her live and studio bands, Ndegeocello effortlessly pulls off one of the most intimate and focused performances in the history of Tiny Desk.

It’s no coincidence that it happened near the start of the year. In the U.S., February is Black History Month, which NPR celebrated this year by featuring all black artists from a variety of genres and generations. As one of the most influential black women in music, Ndegeocello represents the veterans of American soul, funk, jazz, rnb, and hip hop. Although she has never been and is unlikely to ever be as famous as the Billboard-breaking pop and RnB stars of today, whether they’re aware of it or not, these stars are walking on paths that were paved by this legendary genre-bending musician. Known for both amazing original songs and some of the most stellar cover work, there’ no doubt that many fans and fellow musicians have long awaited Ndegeocello’s Tiny Desk (Home) concert.

Shot in black and white, the concert opens with a spoken word version of her song Step Into The Projects, pulled from her 1993 debut album, Plantation Lullabies. Normally a funky tune, this barenaked, spoken version of the song sets a somber tone.

She employs a similar strategy in the song Forget My Name, which is from 2014’s Comet Come To Me. The song is one of Ndegeocello’s more popular and requested jams during live performances. Forget My Name has an infectious reggae-soul groove that shows off how well she harnesses her delay and compressor bass pedals, an effortlessly cool jam that rides on Ndegeocello’s notoriously thick bass tone and stylistic creativity. In this Tiny Desk performance, Bruce takes over the job of playing the song’s infectious riffs via acoustic guitar, while Ndegeocello uses her fat tone to accompany the guitarist and her own voice. As a result, the lyrics take on a deeper, darker feel.

The somber set ends with Fool Of Me, a song from her 1999 album, Bitter. Ndegeocello puts down the bass and sings a raw tune, accompanied only by Bruce’s acoustic guitar. Throughout the entire affair, this particular Tiny Desk (Home) concert is a very tightly arranged and executed performance with copious amounts of soul. Without changing the lyrics and only shifting the arrangements of Ndegeocello’s own songs, the two veteran musicians succeed in adapting these beloved melodies and poems with the times.

It’s the type of performance that any kind of music fan can appreciate. But for long-time fans of the soul siren, bassist, rapper, and songwriter, this Tiny Desk concert has been a long time coming. And not surprisingly, Ndegeocello still knows how to exceed any and all expectations.

No We Won’t Calm Down – Saying No To Tone Policing


Have you ever been in the middle of a discussion and the person you were discussing with suddenly started chastising your tone and saying things like “calm down” or “there are better ways to say this”?

How did that make you feel? My guess is that your response is something within the perimeters of frustration. What you experienced is known as tone policing and women experience it one too many times in a lifetime. 

Tone policing is an anti-debate tactic based on criticizing a person for expressing emotion. It detracts from the validity of a statement by attacking the tone in which it was presented rather than the message itself.

The tone police wants you to believe that no matter how factual or valid your arguments are, expressing them in a tone which they find displeasing, nullifies the validity of your argument. They ignore your argument and are only interested in discussing the tone in which you presented your argument. This is not a tactic that can only be applied to physical conversations as the online space is a common ground for tone policing especially on women issues.

There is an age long myth that women are the emotional gender while men are the logical gender – implying that a person cannot be both logical and emotional. Although wrong in every sense, this has contributed to the belief that any display of emotions by a person, especially women, in a discussion makes their entire argument illogical. The reality is that logic and emotion are not mutually exclusive and can coexist just fine. The tone that you find displeasing is simply an expression of a persons emotion and has nothing to do with the logicality of their argument.

It is important to talk about this because women have been ignored, dismissed and even bullied as a result of tone policing. Last year there was an interaction between a popular Nigerian women, Moe and a ‘white’ man on twitter that drew a lot of attention. Moe had tweeted about the incompetence of some non profit organizations in Nigeria and the man had replied with an offer to help, stating that he is “an attorney in the states. Moe had then declined his offer saying that she too, was an attorney in the states and that was the beginning of a very long and weird series of responses by this man. He claimed that Moe’s tone was rude and that she was arrogant for refusing his offer to help. He even went as far as researching her company’s website and threatened to report some ‘irregularities’ to the board.

To this man, it didn’t matter that Moe passed across her message as succinctly as possible or that she was simply telling the truth when she stated that she was an attorney herself. All that mattered to him was that her tone was less than pleasing to him and he went on a 24 hour rant calling her names and sending threats. For 24 hours, Moe was a victim of cyber bullying as a good number of people believed that she should have been ‘nicer’ to the ‘white’ man and resorted to mocking/insulting her too. The initial problem, which was the ineptitude of non profit organizations was completely forgotten. This is what tone policing does, it distracts everyone from the main topic and hinders further conversation.

The tone police is aware of the impact of tone policing. They know that it is an effective tactic to deflect any conversation and this is why, in spite of the tone policemen and women, we must continue to speak up. When women talk about rights and attempt to dismantle the patriarchy, the benefactors of patriarchy (men) tell us to do it in hushed tone. “Yes, you may speak but don’t speak too loudly. How can you talk about women’s rights with such profane language? When you said this, it hurt my feelings. Did you perhaps mean to say this? I can’t take you seriously because you’re not calm enough. Relax. It is not a war.

Now, women have begun to speak up in spite of the tone polices, as it should be. We no longer spend time defending the way we chose to present our arguments and even own the labels imposed on us. Angry bird? That’s fine. Party pooper? Not a problem. You can talk about the tone of my voice and may even express your displeasure – you are well within your rights to do so. However, one thing is sure; you will not take away my voice no matter how much it annoys you.

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5 Ways To Know If He Is Into You


Men are not in the business of letting you know how they feel, so half the time, you have to decipher it yourself. Now how do you find out if a guy is into you or not?

5 Ways To Know If He Is Into You

Some people suggest reading his body language. Some others suggest checking out his acts of love towards you. Whichever way, we are sure that these 5 signs below would not lead you astray in deciphering if he loves you or not.

He locks eyes with your face instead of your eyes

This is an instant giveaway. You know how you are talking to this boy who you are so enamored by and he just keeps looking from your eyes, to your nose and lips? Yeah, that could mean he is taking in every single detail about your face and imagining what it would feel like to actually kiss you. So, there! You have it, if his eyes keep moving from your eyes, to nose and lips, he is totally into you!


This cannot be overemphasized. Try this: When you hang out with your crush or a prospective boyfriend, try to get away from him. Make an excuse of using the restroom or something else. Then steal a glance at him to see if you catch his eyes following you. If you do, then he is definitely into you.

Watch his friends

So when you hang out with him and his friends, do they act surprised like they never expected you to be there. Or, do they act normal as though he has spoken about you to them before? If they act surprised, it may not be a good sign.

How often he compliments you

Now, nobody is saying you should go all out fishing for comments. All we are saying is does he notice the extra effort you put in just to look nice for him? Does he compliment these efforts or does he just ignore them? If he dishes out comments to you on a regular, he is a keeper!!!

Picking between you and his cellular

Nobody needs to tell you how important this is! No Sandra, No Natasha, No Diana, we don’t need to tell you. You know how you want to pay him undivided attention anytime he is around, and just look him in the eyes as he speaks to you and you envision your kids running around your little cottage bla bla bla….yes! snap snap! Wake up and see if he is doing the same for you. Is he paying you undivided attention? Is his phone face down on the table or in his pocket?  Oh, it is not?! He is scrolling through social media feeds, checking out his timeline when he is with you? Sorry girl, he is not that into you!

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Reworking Your Resume


A lot of us take our time to clean up the spaces in which we live, including our wardrobes, toilets, kitchens etc. But we never take out time to dust off our resumes. And so, we end up with outdated bullet points which should never have seen the light of day in the first place. When it is time to send the resume out, we send it in a hurry and because it lacks the basic keywords or phrases needed, it gets thrown out.

At least once every 6 months, you need to go through your resume, update it with new information and remove any pieces of information which may not be needed anymore as you advance.

Remove it fast!

The first thing you should do when reworking your resume is to remove ancient information from it.

You should only leave the most recent 10-15 years of your career history on your resume. Also, only include experience relevant to your current career path. If there are skills, certification which are no longer relevant, you also need to remove it. There was a time when people added that they had basic computer training on their resume. Today, a 5 year old is expected to have basic computer training. (Okay, maybe that is a little extreme but you get the point!) Why are you still adding that you have basic computer training? Even though we know you are proud of your basic computer training, and it is hard for you to let it off your resume, it needs o go. We can’t let your emotions deprive you of getting your dream job now, can we?

Examine what you currently have on your resume and make sure it aligns with the career path in which you would be job searching. You do not want to have a resume tailored for the job of an editor sent in for the position of business manager, even if you have probably done both in the course of your career.

Also, words like “assisted”, “worked”, “responsible for”, need to leave your resume. Instead words like “facilitated”, “reduced”, “launched”, “doubled”, should be on your resume.

You added your photos??? Why? How? I think you should know by now that nobody adds their photos to their resumes anymore. Please remove it fast!!!

Check for hidden pieces of information

You need to check now to see that you have written all that needs to be written.  For example, under each job role, you should outline what it was you did for the company. Attach a measurement to your accomplishments. Use word like you increased sales or decreased something else. Try to add spice to it and not make it look bland. Also, you may have recent accomplishments which you haven’t added yet. Now is the time to add it. Remember to spice it up. Don’t just type “assisted in making sales” instead say, “increased work efficiency by decreasing the average time taken to attend to a customer”.

You are your biggest sales man, hence, it is important that you know how to make use of intensifiers in describing yourself. What are intensifiers? They are strong adverbs used to place emphasis on something.

Something must be missing?

The next goal is to double-check if it is clear from your resume the type of job or role you are applying for. If a person looking at your resume cannot tell what career path you are on, then there is a big problem. Check those skills you outlined, do you really possess them?

Look out for:

  1. Time gaps: Are there time gaps in your resume? You should fill them up unless you are ready to have an explanation for what you were doing during that period. If you are making a big career change, it may not be advisable to tweak adjectives here and there as the resume can end up looking really confusing. Rather, add a deep objective statement as to why you are interested in this new career path.
  2. Hints of “creativity”: This is not the time to get creative. The average employer would spend just 6 seconds on a resume. This is the time to go straight to the point and not add lengthy stories.
  3. What is at the top? Your skills and expertise need to be at the top. So when your potential employer picks it up, that is the first thing he or she sees.
  4. Professional Layout: You may want to skip everything I have written so far and adhere to this. If your resume does not have a neat and professional appearance, it is not going to be in the employers face for up to 3 seconds.

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Profile Of Precious Moloi-Motsepe

dr precious moloi motsepe

No one has had as big an impact on the African Fashion Industry as Dr Precious Elizabeth Makgosi Moloi-Motsepe.

dr precious moloi motsepe

Dr Precious Moloi-Motsepe was born on the 2nd of August 1964 in Soweto to parents of Tswana decent. Her father was a teacher, while her mother, Martha Rose Moroesi Moloi was a nurse.

The South African fashion entrepreneur and a philanthropist worked as a medical practitioner for over 20 years. It was while she was employed by the Medical College of Virginia that her interest in women’s health grew, and upon returning to South Africa in 1993, she opened one of Johannesburg’s first women’s health clinics. She established the Motsepe Foundation in 1999 and it specialises in supporting marginalized communities in pursuing their inspirations and lift themselves from extreme poverty.

In 2007 she founded the African Fashion International with the aim to mentor upcoming fashion designers in South Africa.  AFI also specializes in developing and promoting African Fashion Designers and retailing African Fashion brands. The company equally owns and hosts yearly Fashion weeks in Cape Town and Johannesburg, creating retail opportunities for local designers in these cities.

The AFI under Dr Precious Moloi-Motsepe has grown beyond only mentoring South African designers to mentoring designers on the African continent at large. Dr Precious Moloi-Motsepe, through her foundation has helped in accessing grants to education, resources and skills to empower the African youth. She has also launched a Girls in STEM programme to create a pipeline of women within these industries; hosts frequent dialogues for building awareness and challenging patriarchy to empower women and men; and supports social entrepreneurs through partnerships with the Schwab Foundation and Harvard Kennedy School.

Dr Precious Moloi-Motsepe sits on the board of Synergos, the WEF’s Global Agenda Council on population growth, as well as is a member of The Harvard Kennedy Women’s Leadership Board (WAPPP) and The International Women Forum of South Africa (IWFSA). She is also past president of the Cancer Association of South Africa (CANSA). In November 2019, Dr Motsepe was declared the new UCT Chancellor, taking over from Grace Machel. She started her duties on January 1st, 2020.  

Dr Precious Elizabeth Makgosi Moloi-Motsepe is married to South African businessman Patrice Motsepe and are the first couple from the African continent to join the Warren Buffet/Bill and Melinda Gates Giving pledge initiative. Forbes Magazine estimated her family’s wealth at $2.5 billion and noted that they were South Africa’s wealthiest black couple.

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7 Reasons Why We Love Meghan Markle


On the 19th of May, 2018, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry wed at the St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle, making Markle an American member of the British Royal Family. Previously married to Trevor Egelson, an American producer and actor in 2011, their marriage crashed in 2013. After which she met Prince Harry on a blind date set up by a mutual friend.

Prior to her marriage to Prince Harry, she was a successful actress and blogger whose lifestyle website, The Tig featured a column profiling influential women. However, many people who know her only do because of her role in Suits, a law series. A lot of people who witnessed the show of love towards Meghan on the day of her wedding have not stopped wondering why she is loved so much. In this article, we have listed reasons why people love Meghan Markle:

She is a feminist

Meghan Markle has been known to speak out for women’s rights in the past. She has also made the world realize that feminism is about making your own choices and not being forced to make choices because of your gender. After watching an advert by Proctor and Gamble which referred to ‘women fighting grease’ she wrote a letter to urge them to rethink the wording of the advert. The advert was eventually changed to ‘people fighting grease’. She is also involved with the United Nations Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Women as an Advocate

Meghan Markle is a humanitarian

She has been a counselor at One Young World, where she spoke on modern-day slavery. One Young World is a UK-based charity that brings together bright young leaders from around the world, in a bid to empower them to make lasting connections to create positive change. She has also worked with the United Nations. She has worked with the US embassy in Buenos Aires in 2002. In 2016, she worked as Global Ambassador for World Vision Canada and traveled to Rwanda for the Clean Water Campaign.

Suits! Suits!! Suits!!!

You just have to love Meghan Markle’s acting proficiency especially in the series, Suits. She played the role of Rachel Zane a paralegal, and daughter of a billionaire. She is not known for only Suits though, as she has acted in a number of movies, Get Him to the GreekA Lot Like LoveHorrible BossesCSICSI: Miami, Without A Trace, and as FBI special agent, Amy Jessup in Fringe.

She has a deep sense of style

Meghan Markle is one royal who can give Kate Middleton a run for her money. Her dress sense is unrivaled. Previously known to be a risk taker when it came to her dressing, her royal style is now more conservative than it used to be. But even then, she rocks her outfits as though she would school other royals.

Meghan Markle knows how to handle the spotlight

Even with the heavy media scrutiny which she has come under in recent time, Meghan Markle has had no problem adjusting, and balancing with the rules of the royal family. A lot of critics thought she would not be able to adjust to the rules of the royal family, but so far, Meghan has blended so well. By the way, who wouldn’t love an American who has class, great carriage and a deep sense of style?

She is self-made

Hers is a story of hope. The average young girl can connect with the story of Meghan Markle who has worked her way to the top. When she turned 33 in 2014, she wrote a blog about how her 20s were a constant struggle to accept herself and how she was happy to have overcome all of that. From being an actress, a humanitarian, a feminist, and even a writer, one can see that she has worked her way to the very top.

She is a pretty face and more

She has been quoted saying “I’ve never wanted to be a lady who lunches – I’ve always wanted to be a woman who works. And being this type of work is what feeds my soul, and fuels my purpose.” This shows us that she is a woman who wants to touch the world.

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Top 5 Goal Tracking Apps To Get Started With In The New Year

Goal Tracking Apps

New year, new me, right? Everyone tries to enter into a new year with set goals on how to be a better person and while many succeed and go on to live fruitful lives, it’s not always easy for the rest of us.

What do you do when you have a bad habit that you find difficult to stop? What do you do when it feels like you’re losing sight of your goals? Download a mobile app! Okay, that does sound weird, but thanks to various apps, you can keep abreast with the goals you’ve set for yourself. Below we’ll look at some of the best goal setting apps you can download on your mobile phone.


While it might take a little while to get the hang of it, Strides is certainly one of the apps you should look to download. You can keep track of literally anything, anytime, anywhere. Set up reminders so as not to lose out of daily goals and watch Strides get into action. Just pick a goal (any one. You can also pick one on the app itself), set a target, and viola! You can keep track of your goals on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. The one drawback is that it is currently unavailable on Android, but it won’t be long before a version comes out which can then be used by anyone.


Do you check your YouTube watch time stats and groan when you see the massive amount of time you spend watching random videos? Then ATracker might be the app for you. Obsessed with helping you manage your time better, ATracker gives you an insight into how your finite time is spend. You can keep track of your daily routine and allot time for things so as not to spend too much time doing the wrong thing. It’s incredible how much clearer things look when you can see a breakdown of your time management. Available on iOS and Android, you can start your journey to better time management today.


Get nerdy with your goal tracker with this incredible app that uses the SMART goal setting trend to help you keep things in check. SMART stands for: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely and this app makes all of your goal setting a lot easier to achieve. You can now break your goals down into manageable bits and set about achieving them in a sensible manner.  It also comes with a journal features which allows you to put down your goals. It’s a web-based app that requires a membership fee, but it is surely worth it.

Way of Life

Actions become habits and habits become culture, that’s just the way of life which is also coincidentally the name of this app. Way of Life helps you deal with bad habits and weans you off them with impressive dexterity. It’s pretty easy to use and all you need to do is pick an action and tell the app if it’s good or bad for you. From there, the app will then keep you accountable and provide you with information about your progress. If you’re into pie charts and graphs, you’ll absolutely get a kick out of this app.


This app is essentially a life coach which helps instill favorable habits in you. It also gives out great tidbits on leadership which it claims helps you become a better person overall. With a lovely user interface that is easy to use, this could well become your favorite app. There is a free version that allows you to pick a goal and let the app keep track of your progress. If you are in love with it, you can also upgrade to the premium version which lets you hire a real-life coach.

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All You Need To Know About Françoise Bettencourt Meyers, The Richest Woman In The World

Françoise Bettencourt Meyers
Françoise Bettencourt Meyers

Françoise Bettencourt Meyers was born on July 10, 1953, in Neuilly-sur-Seine, France. She is the only daughter of her parents, multi-billionaire businesswoman Liliane Bettencourt and French politician, André Bettencourt. She is the only granddaughter of Eugene Schueller, who founded L’Oréal in 1909.

Françoise Bettencourt Meyers
Françoise Bettencourt Meyers

Despite being born into a life of luxury, she chose to focus on her career as a writer; prompting to her writing several books on Jewish-Christian relations, Greek mythology, Judaism and Catholicism, the family tree of Adam and Eve, and the Tribes of Israel.

What is Françoise Bettencourt Meyers Net Worth

With an estimated net worth of $74.8 billion as of December 2020, Françoise Bettencourt Meyers is the richest woman, and 14th richest person in the world. The heiress and Chairwoman of L’Oréal rose to the top of the list after inheriting the L’Oréal brand following the death of her mum, Lilliane Bettencourt, on September 21st, 2017.

Not without controversy, however; owing much to a prolonged legal battle with French photographer François-Marie Banier who she sued in 2008 on charges of duping and taking money from her mother, Lilliane Bettencourt.

The prolonged court case, which was eventually sorted out of court with both her mother and Banier, led to a sour relationship between Françoise Bettencourt Meyers and Lilliane Bettencourt which lasted up until the death of the latter.

Who is Françoise Bettencourt Meyers married to?

Françoise Bettencourt Meyers is married to Jean-Pierre Meyers, the grandson of a rabbi who was killed in the Auschwitz concentration camp. She has two children, with her son Nicolas Meyers serving as one of the board members of L’Oréal.

Read Also: All You Need To Know About Lucinda Southworth

Short Hair Hacks: How To Style Short Hair

Short Hair Hacks: How To Style Short Hair

Short hair can be fun initially, until you end up having the same look or style for 6 months straight. We get it! Hair-inspiration is not something that is easy to come by. 

Short Hair Hacks: How To Style Short Hair

However, there are so many styles you can get into with your hair. Let’s help you and lose the “boring” tag now, shall we? You have sooo many options when it comes to styling short hair. 

There is just so much that can be done with short hair. From incorporating hair accessories, to switching up your hair color, the list goes on and on.

And if the case for you is that you haven’t made the final decision on whether or not to cut your hair, not to worry! We have got you covered! Keep reading to learn all tips and tricks on how to style short hair.

The Buzz Cut!

Below are pictures of buzz cuts! Trying to look dope has never been easier. All you need is a little hair gel to make it slick.

Bantu knots

Transform your look into that of an African goddess with the use of a bantu knot. It is super easy to do and you won’t regret it!

Bobby Pins that won’t stick *urgghh*

So your bobby pins won’t stick? Spray some dry texture spray on it, and watch your hair stay in place like you never expected.

Ever heard of crown braids?

Part your hair into two. Next, braid all the way to the back in a diagonal manner. I promise you, it is easier than it looks. Don’t forget to use a bobby pin to secure both braids into a bun in the back.

Faux mohawk to the rescue:

You probably don’t want to shave the sides of your hair. Trust me Debs, we get it! However, you can fake your mohawk by using an edge control along the sides of your hair. 

Don’t say we did nothing for you!

Double Puffs!

You definitely remember those “puff puff” hair you carried all through high school. Did your classmates laugh at you as much as mine did? Well! Let’s bring it back again shall we? Don’t be shy?

Or simply wrap your head! 

Surely this should need no explanations, but anyway, pictures speak louder than words.

Deep side part:

Oh yes, this is a thing. In fact this is the thing!!! Add volume to your look by simply flipping your hair into a deep side part.

Let’s go colored:

Dying your hair can add some extra sauce to your look which you never knew you had.

The tapered fro: 

This cut adds an edginess to your look. Guess what? You can choose to curl it up or just leave it natural.

 The Frohawk

This style combines the mohawk with the afro. Who wants boring anyway?!

 Finger waves

This is basically shaping the hair while wet into “s”-shaped curves. It is totally easy to DIY.

Read Also: Easy Way To Wash Braided Hair