No one is born into the world with it, no one possesses it all of the time, we women have particular difficulty having or developing self confidence as we often times focus on everyone else but ourselves. So taking the time for self development doesn’t come naturally to us. Girls often are encouraged to be passive, and not too daring or confident or take the shine. Eventually, we don’t want to pose a threat to all those guys out there and that’s rather sad.
A Psychologist suggests that negative reinforcement, physical illness, stressful life events can lead to traumatic childhood experiences and abandonment. Low self-esteem can result from depression as untreated depression can lead to low self-esteem. Women with low self-esteem may develop a victim mentality, which can make it increasingly difficult to see the world in a positive manner and assert themselves.
We turn on the television or read the paper, and its filled by examples of women with great self confidence who have achieved great success in various endeavours like sports, engineering, farming, aviation, news broadcasting, health and medicine, furniture and interior designs etc. They have a kind of spring to their steps that we can’t seem to muster, they achieve a new feat with every new season and we begin to wonder : So how do these women create the belief in themselves required to push the boundaries of their abilities? How do they continue to try, to push, even at the risk of public failure and humiliation? If you asked them, their formula for self confidence would likely include the following ingredients:
Be responsible for yourself. You want to travel the world! Be an engineer? Learn the art of farming? Fly a plane? All of these are possible and achievable only if you take responsibility for self. Read book on topics that set your soul on fire, do research as Google is your friend, go to professional schools/institute for professional learning, know the requirement for those trades and begin to work towards enrolling for it. Don’t wait on/ be dependent on a father/brother/lover to give you all the things you want, you have to go boldly in the direction of your dreams.
Try something new. Go out to dinner alone: no family, friends or lover, enjoy your own company. This way, you get to learn things about yourself that you previously didn’t. Take a class in an unfamiliar subject area I.e. public speaking, PR, project management. Teach yourself how to repair something new rather than wait on your father, brother or husband or even the repair guy. Testing your abilities at new endeavors is a wonderful way to learn that you can rely on yourself and this will further build your confidence.
Make a timeline and stick with it. Determine an area of life for personal or professional development. Map out the action steps to be taken to get there, Put these steps on a timeline. Now implement each step according to plan — no excuses. At a time in my life, my family needed to change apartments as the one we lived ij was rather small and the rent was to go up at the next payment year. Everyone in my family is a bread winner, having been raised by a widow with three kids so we created a possible budget, divided it amongst our selves and we were expected to save up particular sums of money each month for the period of one year plus some bulk some we loaned from a family friend to be paid back at a later day. We did this for a year and now we live in a larger space. Every small step you take will be a great boost to your confidence!
Stick with it. When you make up your mind to take on a new challenge, stick with it. Self confidence doesn’t come from each thing you attempt. If it did, one failed effort would bring you back to zero on the confidence scale. True confidence develops from a belief in yourself, to take action and follow through, no matter what the result. There are months when the bills to be paid gets so high, it seems impossible to save up the quota for the month, skipping one month might just be the derailing factor from the set goal. Stick with it so you can look back and smile at what you would have achieved.
Act “as if.” I’m not the most confident person in the crowd but when there’s something to be done, I wear my bold face and go right ahead. If you put off taking action until you have confidence, you’ll never do it. In the field of psychology it has come to be understood that by changing our behavior, we can change our feelings. So if you take action, and do so with a semblance of outward confidence, the inward, true feeling of confidence, will follow.
Find a mentor. Do you know another woman who is confident and continues to take one new risk after another? Watch how she does this. Muster up the courage to ask her to meet you for coffee. Find out how she does what she does, and ask her for feedback about your action plan and implementation. Most confident people are happy to help. They remember the courage and effort it’s taken them to get where they are today.
Celebrating small successes make a woman feel accomplished and good about herself. This feeling can propel her into taking more risks and developing increased self confidence and esteem. It is recommended that women should stay with their goals with the attitude that they can do it. By acting confidently, women will begin to feel it as well. They can also pay attention to other women in their lives who take risks and have a healthy sense of self-esteem and enlist one or more of them as their mentor.
Well, the truth is out of the bag so feel free to hit the ‘laboratories’ of your life and get cooking that great magic needed to help build your confidence. Its not going to come to in one day, it most definitely would take time, take all the time needed so that when you do show the real you, it would be the version of a new,confident, self assured female.
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The Urban Woman Magazine Editorial Team is made up of seasoned writers and editors who have a keen eye for detail and a passion for all things urban. We strive to create fresh, original content that appeals to the modern woman. Our mission is to provide a platform for women to share their stories, experiences and opinions on various issues affecting their lives.
